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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell my friend to shut up?

142 replies

Shelvesoutofbooks · 26/10/2016 01:48

A long post, sorry

It's almost 2 am and I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs these past few days thanks to DC. Dd has been waking up screaming for me every night several times, she's 3.5 and could easily come to my bed but instead insists on screaming in bed until I come down and see what's wrong. It's usually something stupid such as her being too hot - she knows how to take the cover off herself.

I'm tired as hell and knew that I wouldn't get proper sleep in the house as DD is not in nursery at the moment and has been with me all day every day. DH is away on a business trip. My mum came down to stay with us for a few days and said she'd look after the DC (I have a 6yo DS aswell but he's in half term camp) so I could get some sleep. Every time so far that I would try to sleep DD would scream for me and then try to run into my bedroom. Basically sleeping in the house hasn't been possible.

I have asked my one of my best friends if I could come sleep in her house just this one night as I know all her DC are away with her DH. I have been moaning about being so tired and sleep deprives and she said yes. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxed evening. Other best friend (it's the three of us) found out I was coming over so asked friend #1 if she can come too. She said yes. She wasn't supposed to stay the night aswell BUT seems like things have changed.

They have both been drinking wine and beer while I was drinking coffee, and they're now drunk. At first we were all listening to music, relaxing (for about 3 hrs before) this turned into friend #2 trying to shove her xenophobic views down my throat while #1 was in the other room talkig to dh on the phone. She has been moaning about me wanting to watch a movie, grabbing the remote off me and turning my movie off repeatedly, playing loud music right into my ear, kept saying my movie is shit, she doesn't wanna watch that, let's party, kept trying to put a blanket over the tv and basically was winging like a 5yo child. This went on for about an hour and she just wouldn't fucking stop, even tho I asked her nicely about 50 times trying to explain i was here to relax and wanna watch a movie. I turned my movie off and out another one on as I had no idea what was going on thanks to friend #2.

The second movie starts "what kind fo fucking shit is this" "turn it off there's someone giving birth I don't wanna watch this" plays music again. "WOO" "why are you still watching this shit"

That's when I snapped. Told her to shut the fuck up. That I didn't come here to listen to her whiny drunk ass moan and whinge in my eat, that that was the exact reason why I was there, to get away from it. That if I wanted to listen to that crap I'd stay home and listen to dd's non stop tantrums.

Cue me giving a long speech about how she's basically invited herself to something that was supposed to be relaxing and turned into a stressfull night. That's when the second friend came in (also pretty drunk) and asked me to cook something, to which I said no and told them how to do it only to have them laugh and take the piss because it was too complicated and they don't wanna do that (this is a basic mac and cheese recipe, neither of them can cook). Then friend #2 kept calling me a party pooper and said I should just go to bed and said I shouldn't have even came in the first place if I was gonna be "tired and grumpy" and how she came to drink and came because she doesn't wanna miss nights like these.

Not only that but friend #1 instisted drunk asshole friend sleeps in the guest bed with me (WHY NOT WITH HER FFS)

i'm just so tired and stressed and friend #2 just totally ruined it and I just wanted rest and they're in the kitchen giggling and moaning about me being like this.

AlBU or is my friend just being a bitch

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 26/10/2016 02:25

Then you need to find a way to sort her sleep, just like every other parent does....

If you are sleep deprived to the point of crying you'd have fallen asleep long before now and your mother has come to 'help', then you should be at home, sorting your daughter through the night so you can work on the actual issue and then have a nap during the day while your mum watches the kids. Simple.

femfemlicious · 26/10/2016 02:25

Shelvesoutofbooks I'm sorry you are going through this. I can understand why you snapped. I suggest you go to them and ask them very nicely to be quieter as you are really struggling, maybe cry?

MissVictoria · 26/10/2016 02:25

Personally i think EVERYONE involved has been unreasonable to some degree.
Friend #2 should have asked what the get togther was for/about before just assuming it was woo 3 girls no men/kids PARTAAAAAAY! Bringing a ton of alcohol, getting drunk and being boisterous and down right rude and insulting to you is not on. Everything she has done has been unreasonable.
Friend #1, yes it is her house, but she was well informed of your reason for visiting, and whilst she had every right to invite friend #2 over for a girly relaxing night in, letting her be so OTT rowdy party party is very unfair to you, and unreasonable to expect you to share a bed with a loud drunk when you were there, known to her, for the chance to actually get a decent sleep.
You were unreasonably rude with what you said to friend #2 but i can understand WHY you said it, she pushed and pushed and you snapped. Not right, but understandable.
Hopefully in the morning she feels awfully hungover, and you can tell her how disappointed you are and how she ruined your much needed break from your child and how desperate you ere to get some proper sleep and she ruined that, and if she has any respect for you, she'll feel rightfully ashamed.

Original poster
Shelvesoutofbooks · 26/10/2016 02:28

MissVictoria - thank you for that

OP posts:
helpimitchy · 26/10/2016 02:28

I think it would be easier for you to do a bit of sleep training with your dd Hmm

Apart from illness, if either of mine had been going around screaming at all hours they'd have been scuttled pretty damn sharpish. She's not a baby.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/10/2016 02:28

maybe cry

Really???? OMG. After the way the OP has behaved, why would they give a shit if she is crying? Making herself cry for sympathy is pathetic.

OP Go to bed or go home. You aren't going to get any sleep in this state so waking your DD seems the least difficult option. If I was your friend I wouldn't want you staying after that anyway.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/10/2016 02:30

Yes by all means tell your friend that you are disappointed in her - I'm sure that will go down well Grin

treaclesoda · 26/10/2016 02:30

Your other posts didn't say you had gone to bed and then came down again. Your other posts made it sound as if you had been sitting up with them trying to watch your film when all this happened.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/10/2016 02:41

Just as an aside, coffee is not a good idea if you're hoping for sleep. What are you planning to do about your dd screaming in the night? What is causing her to do that I wonder?

BakeOffBiscuits · 26/10/2016 02:47

I too think you've all behaved badly BUT you have the excuse that you're severely sleep deprived. What's their excuse?
I suggest you book into a premier inn tomorrow night. Then sleep train your dd. She's far too old to be screaming at you in the middle of the night.

AcrossthePond55 · 26/10/2016 02:49

I agree with MissVictoria. Depending on how much I valued the friendship I might apologize (albeit through gritted teeth) for 'flying off the handle' and blame sleep deprivation whilst saying what MissV said to say.

But I do agree with another poster who said that it would be a good idea to work with your DD to get her to be a better sleeper. At 3.5 she should be settling in better at night and also able to soothe herself back to sleep, unless of course she has special needs/circumstances we're not aware of. What have you tried already?

I'm so sorry you didn't get your much needed sleep. Any chance you could persuade your mum to give you another night while she's down and book yourself in at a low cost hotel?

Alabastard · 26/10/2016 02:53

Ah the drip feeding.

You're using your friend for sleep. You're behaving in an awful manner. YABVU.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/10/2016 03:07

BakeOff Tbf friend 1 and 2 don't need an excuse. The evening got out of hand but I would be questioning my friendship if my friend had told me or another houseguest to shut the fuck up

DixieWishbone · 26/10/2016 03:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clandestino · 26/10/2016 03:17

One question -it looks like your DD is at that stage where some children get slightly needy for hugs and affection. Lots of stuff to process from the outside, they are becoming more self-aware.
Can't you simply take her to your bed when she wakes up like this? I found that doing this helped a lot, rather than having a grumpy parent who wants to run away from it all (and children feel it).

Blu · 26/10/2016 03:35

I hope you are now getting some sleep OP.

Not sure why you got such a hard time. Friend 2 sounds bizarre. Friend 1 had offered you a quiet night and somewhere to kip. I think you should have just gone up to bed as soon as Friend 2 started acting up and being stupid with the movie. Put your headphones on , duvet over your head, door shut.

I Hope everything calmed down.

Orrery · 26/10/2016 03:37

I dont think you're being unreasonable to be disappointed in your friend as you had pre arranged the evening for a specific purpose. The point is now to work out how to get you some sleep! If it were me, I would leave, return home, and use whatever means necessary to pacify DD, or go to a travel lodge. I realise its late but I just thought I'd let you know I understand your frustration! Although you may regret shouting at your friend tomorrow.

Or you could get blind drunk yourself so you definitely get some sleep ;)

glenthebattleostrich · 26/10/2016 03:40

OP, I have been where you are sleep wise. DD didn't sleep through until she was 5 and there were times I couldn't function because of sleep deprivation. My friend would have me to stay. Her DH would cook me a meal, a bed would be provided and I wouldn't be distributed at all. Because they are friends not arseholes.

Likewise, when friends have needed a similar favour a quiet room has been provided and no one dares to make noise near it.

I hope you manage to get some sleep and that your friends have hangovers from hell tomorrow.

diddl · 26/10/2016 04:19

"but friend #1 instisted drunk asshole friend sleeps in the guest bed with me"

I think that that's the point at which you should have gone home.

BouleBaker · 26/10/2016 04:43

Friend 2 sounds like an inconsiderate arsehole. I hope you've got some sleep finally.

I have a 3.5 year old. He is also going through a phase of waking up in the night and demanding I go to him. Usually he sleeps well so I sure it's just a phase. Hopefully it will pass for your DD too.

NewlySkinnyMe · 26/10/2016 04:51

I am on your side OP. drunk people can be very annoying. Throw in you being exhausted and of course you're going to snap. Especially when you went to relax and it got ruined.

I think you have every reason to be annoyed

user1476596036 · 26/10/2016 04:53

Op I understand how you feel - when ds was 3.5 I found that age extremely hard and I found by putting earplugs in the noise it felt less stressful. For as long as we aren't neglecting them we can only do our best. It would muffle the sounds and I could still hear him.

I was always near ds and would never leave him unattended and he was always safe but I just found that by lessening the noise somewhat it took the edge off.

You can always speak to the health visitor about how hard you are finding it too or the GP for moral support. Good luck.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 26/10/2016 06:22

Not sure why the OP is getting such a pasting here

Friend 2 sounds bloody annoying and childish, do you actually want to be her friend anymore? Yes OP used strong words but I think friend 2's behavior warranted that!

Friend 1.... Well obviously it's her house, but if you've offered a struggling friend some TLC, you shouldn't withdraw that with no warning because you decided you want to paaarrtay instead.

OP I hope you managed to get a bit of sleep.

And your DC's sleep problems will pass. I know it feels like forever, but one day you will be well slept again and look back at last night and laugh. Blanket over the tv- completely bizarre- you'll laugh about that!

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 26/10/2016 06:24

I do think 'my house, my rules' is taken too far by some MN posters

It's not absolute

MidniteScribbler · 26/10/2016 06:27

I think the two friends have been arseholes actually. They knew you were coming to have a quiet night, not a boozing night.

And if someone was making those comments whilst I was watching a movie, I'd be telling them to shut the fuck up as well.

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