To tell my friend to shut up?

[Shelvesoutofbooks]

A long post, sorry

It's almost 2 am and I haven't slept for more than 3 hrs these past few days thanks to DC. Dd has been waking up screaming for me every night several times, she's 3.5 and could easily come to my bed but instead insists on screaming in bed until I come down and see what's wrong. It's usually something stupid such as her being too hot - she knows how to take the cover off herself.

I'm tired as hell and knew that I wouldn't get proper sleep in the house as DD is not in nursery at the moment and has been with me all day every day. DH is away on a business trip. My mum came down to stay with us for a few days and said she'd look after the DC (I have a 6yo DS aswell but he's in half term camp) so I could get some sleep. Every time so far that I would try to sleep DD would scream for me and then try to run into my bedroom. Basically sleeping in the house hasn't been possible.

I have asked my one of my best friends if I could come sleep in her house just this one night as I know all her DC are away with her DH. I have been moaning about being so tired and sleep deprives and she said yes. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxed evening. Other best friend (it's the three of us) found out I was coming over so asked friend #1 if she can come too. She said yes. She wasn't supposed to stay the night aswell BUT seems like things have changed.

They have both been drinking wine and beer while I was drinking coffee, and they're now drunk. At first we were all listening to music, relaxing (for about 3 hrs before) this turned into friend #2 trying to shove her xenophobic views down my throat while #1 was in the other room talkig to dh on the phone. She has been moaning about me wanting to watch a movie, grabbing the remote off me and turning my movie off repeatedly, playing loud music right into my ear, kept saying my movie is shit, she doesn't wanna watch that, let's party, kept trying to put a blanket over the tv and basically was winging like a 5yo child. This went on for about an hour and she just wouldn't fucking stop, even tho I asked her nicely about 50 times trying to explain i was here to relax and wanna watch a movie. I turned my movie off and out another one on as I had no idea what was going on thanks to friend #2.

The second movie starts "what kind fo fucking shit is this" "turn it off there's someone giving birth I don't wanna watch this" plays music again. "WOO" "why are you still watching this shit"

That's when I snapped. Told her to shut the fuck up. That I didn't come here to listen to her whiny drunk ass moan and whinge in my eat, that that was the exact reason why I was there, to get away from it. That if I wanted to listen to that crap I'd stay home and listen to dd's non stop tantrums.

Cue me giving a long speech about how she's basically invited herself to something that was supposed to be relaxing and turned into a stressfull night. That's when the second friend came in (also pretty drunk) and asked me to cook something, to which I said no and told them how to do it only to have them laugh and take the piss because it was too complicated and they don't wanna do that (this is a basic mac and cheese recipe, neither of them can cook). Then friend #2 kept calling me a party pooper and said I should just go to bed and said I shouldn't have even came in the first place if I was gonna be "tired and grumpy" and how she came to drink and came because she doesn't wanna miss nights like these.

Not only that but friend #1 instisted drunk asshole friend sleeps in the guest bed with me (WHY NOT WITH HER FFS)

i'm just so tired and stressed and friend #2 just totally ruined it and I just wanted rest and they're in the kitchen giggling and moaning about me being like this.

AlBU or is my friend just being a bitch

Nothing wrong with asking a friend for a favour.

Nothing wrong with that friend saying "actually since the kids are away I want to make a night of it".

Nothing wrong with you saying "that's not what I need right now, but thanks anyway".

Were you unreasonable to speak to someone that way? Probably.

Were they unreasonable to change the plans? Yes.

I don't really see why you're getting such a berating.

I know that now my children are older I find it so much harder dealing with the sleepless nights than when they were newborns.

Sleep training sounds like a plan going forwards. It also sounds like a plan that would be much easier with some sleep in the bank.

You are not unreasonable for thinking that last night would make everything better, and being painfully disappointed that it hasn't.

And whilst I can't drink any caffeine after midday, I know plenty of people who can happily glug coffee with no affect on their sleep.

It wasn't the hugest favour you asked for and your friend could have said no.

Erm I don't think this OP was so unreasonable. I have (childless) friends who are always offering their houses for space because they do listen when I complain about sleep deprivation. They even offer to have my DS because they love him (an offer I've accepted a few times now). I don't see how it's strange for me to offer a bed if a friend asked for it. And if they came earlier and they wanted to chill out then yes, we'd watch some telly or listen to music or whatever until they were ready to sleep (not that my house is currently a temple of silence right now).

OP, I think you have 'interesting' friends. And as for previous posters saying you're out of order, well okay, difference of opinion. I feel you were annoyed and acted out. You're also stressed so I understand why you did. There are some friends I know I don't bring into certain situations because I know they wouldn't enjoy it, such as a friend who loves to rest ALL the time I wouldn't necessarily invite on a mountain climbing holiday. That night you arranged was for sleep, and it got ruined. You probably should have just gone to bed, waited it out until the morning, said thank you and made a note of not trying this again

Sorry OP, don't think sone of the pps on here have sufferers from long term sleep deprivation. They also seem to think that friendships are about wine and partying and not also sometimes being kind and thoughtful. If friend one didn't want a quiet night in, she should have said no to your request, not yes and then invite party friend two, who sounds awful by the way. I completely understand why watching a film then having an early night would have been a great boost for you. Sorting out children's sleep patterns can be hard at any age, not just for babies. Doing it when you are also sleep deprived is almost impossible. Hope you get some rest soon. Travel lodge or your mum's house might be a temporary solution.

I don't understand some of the responses you are getting here OP. I totally get where you're coming from and I would feel exactly the same. Arranging a girly night with friends and booze is one thing but that's not what you did. You asked friend #1 if you could have a quiet evening with her whilst her kids were away and a longed for full nights sleep. Then friend #2 got wind of it and turned it into a party. I think friend #1 lost the objective of the evening because she'd had a bit to drink - easy to do but I would have left them too it I'm afraid. Being at home had to better than putting up with that shit. Sorry you've not had the break you so desperately need.

Agree totally with hopelessly

The idea that it is OK to basically completely change the shape of an evening which has been arranged for a specific purpose for a friend and subject them to a situation which is exactly the OPPOSITE of what they need sounds horrendously unkind. YANBU!!

Hope you find a good way to solve the sleeplessness problem long-term, OP - I know it can be torture!

It was U to change the 'style' of the night from quiet night in and sleep to party. Your friend should have said that's what she wanted to do, and you could have declined and stayed at home.

The drunk friend sounds really horrible and I can see why you snapped.

long term sleep deprivation LMAO!!! I am very experienced in sleep deprivation and I can assure you a few days on 3 hours is most certainly not long term sleep deprivation!

OP is still unreasonable. She hasn't even actually said that she told her friend=friend agreed that it would be purely to sleep. She said she's been moaning about lack of sleep and her dd but that's not quite the same is it? If she can spend 3 hours listening to music and chatting, drinking coffee all night then chucking a couple of films on then that to me says she wanted more than sleep. It would to most people!

Why couldn't you be in bed & the others downstairs drinking & watching what they wanted?

I suppose I don't really get the sitting up watching films when you are so tired that you wanted to go there to sleep.

The issue here is your dd screaming for you in the night. Deal with that issue and then you will be able to get some sleep. Do it whilst your mum is there to support. Otherwise it will just continue. If you can't do it get a sleep trainer in.

I'd also sort the sleep issue whilst you have support there.

I'm with Livia! Weird behaviour ...

You'd be best sleep training your daughter whilst your mum is there surely.

Ask your mum to take her out for a few hours during the day so you can sleep.

Where's the Op gone? Maybe she's sleeping...
But really though, I understand how you can snap however I would be prepared for some fall out as to anyone who isn't as sleep deprived as you you will seem V unreasonable.
Please stop drinking coffee after 4pm

I think they aren't really very nice friends and next time I would go for a Travelodge and a set of earplugs.

I think actually putting the other friend IN YOUR BED is absolutely bizarre and deeply inconsiderate given you clearly need rest.

I hope you farted at said bed companion.

Personally speaking I would let the kid sleep in my room for a week or so and then start the sleep training when I was more rested. Sounds like the OP is at the end of her tether which I can quite understand.

Wow! You sound ridiculously immature and spoilt.

I was going to say the same triptrap...

I'm currently at 23 years with about 2 years in between when my eldest children slept and before my youngest arrived and now I'm at 15 years of broken sleep... every night

Your daughter needs sleep training and you need different friends to stay with ...

I don't think Yabu.

You went there for sleep, why didn't you cancel when friend 2 said she was coming in the first place?

Next time you're Mum helps you out stay at her house?

Also am I the only one who doesn't think telling someone to 'shut the fuck up' is a big deal. Heat of the moment apologise insincerely and move on.

I would thought it but not said it. I would just go home.

You do need to address that sleeping though. Your 6 year old must be exhausted too.

Hope you get some zzzzs today.

Gosh some of the replies you've got here are really awful. I don't think you're being unreasonable in not wanting the evening to turn into what it did. One of my close friends offered her spare room to me for a night of respite when things were really bad with my kids' sleeping. I didn't take her up on it but if I had I would have been totally appalled if this had happened! TBH friend #2 sounds particularly dreadful and really not much like a friend, and friend #1 doesn't sound that much better!

You sound like a teenager! Sort out your daughter's sleep issues rather than looking for short term fixes for yourself.

I'd have rang you a taxi if you had ranted at me in my own home.

Stop blaming others for your manners and parent properly. Your DD isn't going to get to sleep any bette by you vanishing and leaving her with others.

I don't think that anyone would suggest the OP is unreasonable for having been disappointed in her friend for inviting another girl over for a boozy night when the OP asked if she could use her house to get a decent night's rest. But that's not the only thing the thread's about is it?

The OP was asking whether, after friend 1 invited over friend 2 (who presumably had no idea about the OP's desire for sleep) for said boozy night, it was reasonable for the OP to sit in the living room and try to force friend 2, who is by now wasted, to watch two films she repeatedly said she didn't want to watch, while friend 1 is on the phone to her DH (presumably telling him that she needs to get better friends), and then shouting and swearing at friend 2 when she doesn't comply. That behaviour is really, really not ok, and being sleep-deprived doesn't excuse it.

And both friends would have been justified in wondering why the OP was sitting around watching films (or trying to insist the others watched films) and drinking coffee late into the night when she professed to be so exhausted.

Its not really the point but unless there's some mitigating circumstances, a 3.5 year old shouldnt be repeatedly waking up at night screaming and tantruming.
That sounds like the issue that needs to be addressed here.

OP yanbu. Friend #1 knew your reason for your visit- to catch up on some much needed sleep. Just a few days on little sleep is sleep deprivation (imo).

Your friend #2 was unreasonable, but you were perhaps a bit harsh in your reaction (although I can well understand )

I've cried through frustration caused by extreme tiredness, so it's not a case of "turning on the waterworks" as someone upthread said.

Hope you've had some sleep. Ask your mum if she could take DD out for a good few hours so you can relax. And then you need to address her sleep issues when you're feeling refreshed (but you don't need to be told that, sorry)