To think that friend shouldn't fly first class knowing the rest of us can't

[AhNowTed]

So, 4 friends travelling long haul flight for 2 week holiday. Well-off friend announces she's going first class, on the same flight. No way can the rest of us afford it.

AIBU

In her shoes, I would have engineered a reason to take a later/earlier flight and sidestepped this issue entirely.

I do so hate it when the OP just disappears..

Being Australian I've flown this route many, many times and if I could I'd fly first every time! The one time I got a business upgrade with fully flat bed was utter bliss compared to the hell of economy!

I appreciate your good intentions, London, but don't you think your ILs are perfectly aware that you're sitting there gritting your teeth at the discomfort and bedbugs etc, and through no fault of your own making them uncomfortably aware with every heartbeat of your first world standards, as much as if you'd reminded them of their poverty by bringing them First Class?

I understand the dynamic you're sketching, and I can think of examples in my own vicinity of emigrants returning home to visit relatives in a poor native country to pass around photos of themselves posing with their fridges and fast cars, but I think it's a bit more complicated than you're suggesting. As you say yourself, culture is involved, too, and in my experience of those kinds of situations, the hosts' traditional hospitality can actually involve a lot of power play. I don't think any of this kind of dynamic operates in the OP's situation.

Flyinggaribaldi haha, I see your point, but I think that depends on how you approach the situation. Trying not to visibly grind your teeth would be top of the list ; ) but yeah, of course, sometimes it's impossible to hide your discomfort, but I still think that sitting in first class would be an even bigger slap in the face. I certainly would se it like that if I was them - that's not even trying to be polite or accommodating. In fact, when we had our wedding in said country, some of our well-off friends came to stay, and one of them stayed with the family too and didn't bat an eyelid at any discomfort and was just cheerful and pleasant alla round, whereas another couple just couldn't deal and ended yp moving to the local Hilton! and sat there in splendid isolation. Guess which one is a closer friend today, both to us and the family.

You're right that there's power play in the hosts traditional hospitality - hospitality in general is a multi facetted thing, and power play often is part of it!

However, I do think that you should accommodate the "weaker" link in any setting, and lower your own stadards/expectations, to me that's courtesy.

London

She is staying with her friends on holiday, it is just the 24 hours discomfort in economy and the actual and potential long term after effects she is avoiding.

I can totally see why you would stay with your family in local hotels although I would, and have, paid for my family and friends to stay and travel in more comfort. They didn't feel a bit patronised, just glad of the opportunity.
Maybe it is cultural, I am a northerner so if my family at least did feel patronised they would soon let me know. I also don't think where you sit on a plane or a train, or how much money or status you have, makes you into a superior person. Indeed one of the greatest sins for a notherner is to have illusions of superiority, so I never travel business class without experiencing the shame and guilt of being unworthy and of forking out more money than I need to! However at the end of the end of the day hair shirts like 24 hour flights in economy, bed bug infested hotels and bench class in trains don't contribute to the greater good so should be inflicted on as few people as possible!

My DH is one of those who always gets singled out for an upgrade. Happened once on a trip with his sisters and husbands. We stole champagne and shared the love. It was nice though. Could never afford it out of our own pockets. Sometimes when we check into a hotel I hide knowing he'll end up in a suite if he doesn't have me hanging around lowering the tone.

I agree with london - anything that marks out financial differences like this is to be avoided, IMO. Even on a 20+ hour flight to Australia.

As I said earlier in the thread, if I was that keen to fly 1st/Business I'd make an excuse and catch a different flight altogether, but making a point to my friends that I can afford First and you can't, isn't on.

Also - since this is where this thread will inevitably end up - hello Daily Fail journalists!

There is absolutely no way I would fly that far in economy, but I'd find a more tactful way of telling people.

I don't get the big deal about flying in the same cabin as friends though. DH and I regularly fly with one of us in Business and one in Premium economy. It doesn't have any impact on the flight or the holiday.

I spend 90% of a long haul flight eating, watching a film or asleep. It makes no difference who is sat next to me when I do these things, nor does it eat in to the time I was planning on spending with someone.

If it were me, I'd make an excuse to get a different flight and keep quiet about the upgrade. That's how I've travelled with my own family in the past.... : )

To those taking issue with my suggestion of pleading for an upgrade, I swear you can! My family did it successfully once.

Hi all, OP here

I haven't gone away. Just drinking in the various opinions which as time has gone on are more mixed. In fairness I think it's 60/40 in favour of IABU.

I must say I'm quite at some of the anger, accusations and wild assumptions about me.

To clarify:
I can afford 1st but choose not to in this particular instance. Anything over Business is an extravagance I am happy to forgo, but given 2 are in coach I’m happy to sit with them

If you think that's altruism gone too far, that's fine with me

If I was travelling on long-haul with DH, we would probably go Business (but only at my insistence having looked into it more closely after this thread)!. I certainly appreciate that coach is a pain but as said, there’s 2 others to consider.

Friend I assure you is flying 1st, that's her choice. Just not one I would take given the circumstances.

Friend’s funding of said 1st is none of my business.

Other 2 are OK with it (I think but haven’t asked).

I’m signing out now, as there’s little to be gained by continuing… I’ve heard everyone’s opinion and as stated, IABU albeit marginally.

Thanks for all your comments. It’s been very interesting.

I've made the trip from the UK to australia (and back again) about 15 times in economy and twice in business class. It can be 20hrs or more in flight time, but that doesn't include the necessary stopover in another county enroute that all planes to australia must do to refuel. Depending where you are going in australia - there can be a 7-10hr time difference to the uk which contributes to jetlag. On my first ever flight I remember sleeping on a pile of blankets on the floor infront of my seat. They have stopped people doing this years ago for obvious safety reasons - but also these days there is barely any leg room for legs rather than a sleeping body! I swear all the airlines keep reducing the leg room! I've flown all the airlines from the UK to australia - Singapore, Emirates, British airways, Qantas, Qatar, Air Mauritius, Malaysian, Royal Brunei are the ones which spring to mind. They are all as equally uncomfortable on such a long journey. Trying to sleep in a tight confined space is impossible for lots of people - flying to Australia is a very difficult thing to do - and only people who have done such a long flight in economy can understand how difficult. Plus everyone is affected by air travel differently - my 68 year old father deals with flying better than I do. Also as I get older and unfortunately slightly wider - it's getting harder and harder to fit in economy seats. My husbands legs certainly don't fit in economy seats - he needs an aisle seat so his legs can fit in. From someone who flies to australia regularly - I would never begrudge anyone especially a friend the opportunity to be more comfortable on the trip. They call economy cattle class for a reason!

Some people like to blast status. Let her. Why you're even holidaying with this 'friend' is beyond me but I hate everyone

We're planning a trip to Oz in 2019. I'd already decided that there was no way I was flying in anything less than business class and reading these posts, confirms it even more. If the friend wants to go first - that's her perogative and probably has the avios to pay for it! We flew business class to NYC for a surprise treat for my husband's 50th - and it was a fabulous experience having lie-flat beds and great food and wine. Now we're frantically collecting avios to do that trip to Oz.

What's a rough idea of the price difference between economy and first for this sort of trip?

For e.g. London - Sydney - London on Emirates is between 7 and 7.5 k sterling depending on if you buy flexi or flexi plus tickets.

The same in economy would be approx 1.5 and 1.7 k.

The cheapest economy ticket can be had for about 700 pounds

Business class would come in it about half of the first class price.

I don't get the first class thing. Long haul like that you need a bed and some decent food. Business is fine.

I don't get the first class thing. Long haul like that you need a bed and some decent food. Business is fine

Yes, business is fine, but first is far better.

If the op had gone for business, all four of them could have enjoyed the lounges. So really she is being selfish by sticking to economy.

You can enjoy a nice lounge on an economy ticket. You just pay a fee to enter. I think there is one at Heathrow my friend uses when coming to visit me. It costs 30 pounds.

I don't think first is any different. I fly about 10 times.a month, first for work and business for my visits home. Can't see.much in it apart from on BA the seats are slightly less filthy than business. On Qatar which I usually go with, first just has slightly better seats and food and more rich unruly Arab kids. And as for Saudi first, nobody even sits down for take off!

Paying to use the lounge on an economy ticket is as sad as buying a gucci shoe box and putting your Clarks in it.

Is she financially wealthy but time-poor? If she had had to forego a more expensive/luxury holiday to have the time off to go with the group of friends for two weeks then I can understand why she'd at least want to fly first class if she could afford it, given its a horribly long flight.

hysterical
What a ridiculous comment!
The lounges are quiet, have wifi and drinks and a comfy seat.
They are full of people with silver and gold airline cards and economy tickets, and their guests

The pay-to-enter lounges are rarely the same ones as the airline lounges at main hub airports, so the economy-seat friend's can't pay to get in anyway.

But you are doing a fine job of channeling your inner Hyacinth Bucket