To think that friend shouldn't fly first class knowing the rest of us can't

[AhNowTed]

So, 4 friends travelling long haul flight for 2 week holiday. Well-off friend announces she's going first class, on the same flight. No way can the rest of us afford it.

AIBU

I'd do it in a heartbeat

I don't enjoy flying and 20 plus hours to OZ then no let her get on with it ! I would

Are you all 12 and going on your first trip anywhere?!! 8m guessing not! There is no fun to be had on an economy flight to oz, its painful and you can't even really drink through it as the hangover kicks in while you are still on the plane
There is no one I would endure that for if I could afford not to!! Are the others really going to be offended?

I'd have thought this would all have been discussed in the planning stage. Lots of people would rather not go to Oz than sit in economy for 24 hours, me included.
Maybe the Op's not flying from the UK.

If You are going together as a group I think it's a bit insensitive of your friend but it depends on how he/she is with flying. But I don't think I would do this if I could afford to

Years ago I would have thought this rude - but after a few non-obvious medical things - I now find flying economy long haul very taxing and it affects my health. I was lucky enough recently to fly business class long haul and the difference on arrival to my health was tremendous. I think if she is flaunting it in everyone's face that's not good - but if she is not and she is really your friend - why would you begrudge her affording to arrive for a holiday with her friends feeling relaxed? She'll enjoy the holiday more and probably be better company!

Don't blame her. I can only sleep on my side as I have sleep issues so the only times I've ever slept on planes have been when I've travelled first.

Not sleeping for that long really fucks up the first few days of your holiday.

It doesn't really matter if the friend has health issues or not. I appreciate that some can't travel economy based on that, but the point is that it's her choice how she travels.

OP (who seems to have disappeared), unless you all had some pact that the two week holiday in Australia (!!) would be an exercise in togetherness, there really isn't a problem.

Yes, she said "who's with me?" but surely the long flight will be spent with everyone trying to sync sleep patterns or lost in their own world of films, etc?

Someone above made a comparison to coats, and it makes sense. Why should someone's ability/choice to spend more be an issue, as long as it doesn't affect anyone else? It makes no sense.

Haha, yes, as someone said to my reaction to this, I admit to being a massive drama queen! I can see how many people wouldn't find this an issue, because they're more relaxed about most stuff and generally think each to their own is a better approach to the world. I think st the end of the day it depends on how you view friendship and manners, perhaps a lot of it is even cultural? In my culture and I approach to friendship life supposed to put the needs of the group before your own at all costs and anything else is considered rude and selfish. When I said I found it selfish it certainly wasn't because I imsvinged I would feel
Envious if I was the OP, I was more imagining how I'd never dream of doing something like that f I was he better-off friend. Jealousy doesn't come into in my mind. And yes I have flown long haul, and survived it in coach : ) yes it wasn't that pleasant but I've tried worse! I don't think you can compare it to a coat because that's an item you own which belongs to your person also when you're not around your friends, it's not a shared travel experience. But then I'm the kind of fool who would and do buy my poorer friends and relatives gifts in a considerate way and always offer to pay if eating out with friends who're worse off than me, or most of the time, suggest things I know suit everyone's budget.

YABU. Long haul flights are not enjoyable, the space is very limited in economy. She's choosing to fly in comfort because she can afford it.

I personally would have "upgraded" at check in (which a couple of people did on a group holiday we had to Vegas a few years ago, no biggie).

She may still do everything else with you guys, just not the sitting next to you on the plane. I doubt she would bugger off to the first class lounge, though do come back and tell us exactly how it played out.

YANBU. Jesus.

Be nice to her. If you play your cards right, you could be in for a doggy bag of her leftover lobster quiche and artisan beetroot biscuits...or something.

I don't know what they serve in 1st class, but it must beat the shit out of congealed beef nuggets and a dollop of sweaty egg

Seat configurations are often in threes anyway, so you three can sit together and she can go be antisocial on her own.

I wouldn't get too upset about it though. Yes it's a bit snobby but flying economy long haul is not fun. My last flight was 8 hours of hell and I would absolutely fly first class another time if I could afford it.

I really don't get the problem.

4 people in economy were very likely going to be broken up into some seating configuration that's not particularly conductive to group chats anyway (unless you planned on being a huge annoyance to fellow travellers). Also a real good chance of 4 adults being asked to split up to make room for the families who didn't bother to book seats together. Anyway, surely on a long flight most people plan to just veg out and watch screens and try to sleep anyway.

I travel long-haul a lot and most groups make a little small talk at the start and end of a flight and when food comes, but that's about it. People who seem like inexperienced fliers usually very visibly go from excited to sick to death of their travel mates within an hour or so, after-all, forced interaction in extremely close quarters with no possible escape isn't fun no matter how much you like someone.

If it was 3 friends leaving 1 behind in economy or 1 leaving behind a nervous flier, or she was being a smug asshole about the fact she'll be in first class, that wouldn't be great, but this is a ridiculous thing to be upset about. I can't comprehend people saying it's unkind or selfish, I can only assume they've never actually been on a long haul flight. It's not a fucking sleepover party, and if you treat it as such prepare for everyone else on the flight to hate you.

I can see both sides to it.

On the one hand, if it's a group of friends going on holiday, then part of the fun is checking in, duty-free shopping and travelling together.

On the other hand, the laughs on an extra-long-haul flight are really limited to the first 2 or 3 hours - a few G&Ts and giggles, and then.... what?

Not much, that's what.

At that point, you probably just want to zone out, watch a movie/TV serial, and possibly try to get some sleep. You're in a row, so conversation is difficult after a while.

If it was a relatively short flight, I'd think it was really rude, but on a long-haul like that, not so much.

I think the way she did it was a bit off, but don't think she is unreasonable doing it.

I bet if one of you gets offered a free upgrade to be with her you would take it.

On the one hand, if it's a group of friends going on holiday, then part of the fun is checking in, duty-free shopping and travelling together

It seriously isn't! Not for me anyway.
I have one friend who I love and go on holiday with and as lovely as she is she never stops talking...ever. I've stopped going to the cinema because of the talking. She is good company when we are on nights out, in the city, in restaurants etc but there are times when I want to zone out. I never sit with her on a plane going to Europe so sitting next to a chatterbox going to Austrlia would be hell!

I think OP should imitate her friend, join her in first and the two of them plead for an upgrade for their other friends so they can all be together.

I thought 'unreasonable' until I saw it was Australia.

One doesn't "plead for an upgrade".

Pleading really won't cut it.

Maybe they could try blackmail.

Yes, whathaveilost, that's what I went on to say.

London "the good of the group" What exactly does that mean? Every group, be it friends or at work, are a group of individuals. They hold together because they settle on group norms that work for that group, often after some argy bargy as the individuals assert their individual needs and attitudes. If they can't establish those norms then it falls apart, you fall out. As far as I am concerned being friends is about having positive experiences and being there for each other when the inevitable shit happens. I think it is pretty unanimous on here that forcing one of a group to sit in economy for 24 hours rather than first class is not going to make it a more positive experience for the group, it is just going to create yet more misery. It will be times 4 instead of times 3. It certainly won't make that group one whose norms work for that individual, it could lead to the whole thing falling apart. I just cannot see how it is "good for the group"

By the way OP speaking of good for the group, I think getting upgraded is unlikely but if you are booked on one of those airlines that has a bar on the A380, I do know that with a bit of charm and guarantees of good behaviour they will allow you a guest from economy, so if you fly business and your friend economy it would actually be for the good of the group as long as you are not loud mouthed binge drinkers

whatwouldrondo I guess to me the good of the group is what creates a sense of solidarity and togetherness. To avoid situations and actions that highlight uncomfortable differences and make some have a better experience than others. It doesn’t mean everyone has to do the same all the time, though. Say on a trip, two people want to go shopping, one wants to chill at the hotel, and one wants to go for a swim. Fine, everyone’s happy and had a free choice. But in the case of the plane journey, one friend made a choice that was not open to the two poorer friends, thus highlighting her better off-financial status and making sure she’d emerge better rested and more ready for the holiday than the rest of the group. Certainly, this move created animosity for the OP, and perhaps also for the two poorer friends, we don’t know the specific dynamics of this group, and the OP seems to have disappeared, but it certainly could have created a split and animosity within the group. To me, the good of the group is aiming to create a feeling of equality and solidarity while you are together. Of course, we are all aware roughly which one of our friends are richer or poorer than us, but I find it in bad taste to do things that highlight this difference as clearly as this, when you spend time together. One thing is inviting your poorer friends to your nice big house and treating them to a lovely meal they couldn’t have prepared or afforded; that’s nice for the poorer friends! Sitting in first class and leaving your poorer friends in second is bad manners in my eyes.

Let me give you an example: Part of DH’s family live in a very poor central Asian country. W hen we go to visit them, we always stay with them, in bedbug infested beds and all. Sure, we could have stayed in a nice hotel, but the point is to spend time with them. This summer we travelled by train with them to another part of the country, and sat all together in normal, not first class, crammed in with many people and luggage, and no a/c. We could have paid for everyone to travel first class, but this would have come across as patronising, and as if we cannot bear to live like them. Or we could have sat alone in first class, which would have been seen as unspeakably rude. So yes, the journey was long and hot and very uncomfortable, but it’s a small price in my eyes to pay to make everyone feel comfortable. It’s not like the family doesn’t know how much richer than them we are: But to my mind it would be very rude and heartless to give them the feeling that we find what’s normal for them unacceptable and a terrible experience. I realise in this example it’s not family, and the group is travelling together to Oz, not visiting somewhere and under an obligation to be a polite guest, but in my eyes the same principle apply. It may sound a bit holier-than-thou, and that'øs why I say this attitude may be cultural and personal, and that to many people, inclduing apparently the majority on here, you shouldn't be fussed about such things.