'It might not have been rape, she might have had sex and regretted it afterwards'

[BravoHopeful]

This statement makes no sense. If you had consensual sex and the next day regretted it, why on earth would you go through the whole horrible experience of reporting it to the police and everything that follows? You would just move on and put it behind you.

It's always trotted out as a likely explanation in 'date rape' type cases. But it makes no sense whatsoever. AIBU?

Have you read all of the thread scary

Its just that most of your questions have been answered

And which people?

I've got 2 sons in their early 30s scary, neither is in the least bit confused about consent.

I for one have told my lad to get consent in writing, witnessed by a lawyer before having sex with anyone, people willstillbe calling our lads rapists just because they happen to be male.

So you have given your son the idea that women are untrustworthy, liars? That they are likely to make false accusations?

So you've probably brought him up to be misogynist?

And you're worried that people will call him a rapist because he's male? Really??!

If that's the misogynist attitude you've brought him up with, if he gets called a rapist it'll be because it's the truth. A man is more likely to be raped himself than to be falsely accused.

In order to not be called a rapist, a man needs to not rape anyone, in the vast, vast majority of cases.

a man needs to simply^ not rape anyone

Why the emoticon? I've been out for dinner and was discussing this thread with friends. I think how old you are also has something to do with how you view this from the aspect of what you used to do as a teenager and get away with. I think there has been a change from the 80s when I was playing silly buggers to now, in that what is termed rape now, wouldn't have been then, and that implied consent was acceptable.

I for one have told my lad to get consent in writing, witnessed by a lawyer before having sex with anyone

Sounds like a great idea, I'm nominating you for parent of the year. Have a reward

Crap lover or rapist. It's not difficult to stop being either if you're bothered about the person you're about to penetrate. And lo! The consent thing is not an issue.

If it's the norm for you to lie there quiet and still during sex, that's fine, but you know, a new partner could just ask "are you ok", "does this feel nice", there are a million options to check you're ok with it.

So you have given your son the idea that women are untrustworthy, liars? That they are likely to make false accusations?

So you've probably brought him up to be misogynist?

Don't make stupid assumptions; I have told him to make sure that consent is explicit so that if any allegations are ever made, he is protected, because it does happen. I have also told him that no means no at whatever point he and his partner is at, and that he gets out of there fast. Ched Evans aside, there have been recent cases
at universities where young males have been accused and then later found not guilty or the case being dropped as in the case of Ben Sullivan. I don't want him to be in that position.

You assume that my son is straight and a misogynist...you are wrong on both counts, he is way more feminist than I am.

Not sure that would be hard scary

Why don't you each him to be sure of consent so that he's not raping anyone, and so that he's treating women with respect? Not to cover his back. Ffs.

That's like saying don't steal incase you get caught, rather then than don't steal because it's wrong.

You have put your energy into telling your son that women might lie and falsely accuse him rather than teaching him to respect women fir their own sake. So yes, I'd say that's bringing him up to be misogynist.

If he ignores you, and has managed to escape that influence, good for him.

Just to clarify for anyone reading thinking it's daft old women who are rape apologists: I was a teenager in the 80s. We knew the difference between consent and coercion back then - it was just that we knew the police were so crap there was no point taking date rape to them.

And I'm bringing up a son. I have no worries whatsoever about him being falsely accused of rape - because I'm bringing him up, not to demand "forms in triplicate", but simply to be respectful, and to ask, and to listen to the answer.

In a nutshell - two things:

Consent - still not fucking rocket science. Still not difficult. Still no grey areas, not if you apply the simple rule "if in doubt, don't."

Women - still not lying bitches by default. There may be a tiny minority who lie, but it is a tiny, tiny minority, and pales into insignificance compared to the percentage of men (round about 6%, see work of David Lisak referred to up thread) who rape.

Why are you teaching your gay son to get written consent from women?

Are you male or female?

Scary, do you know your son is statistically more likely to be a victim of rape than to be falsely accused?

there have been recent cases at universities where young males have been accused and then later found not guilty or the case being dropped. I don't want him to be in that position.

Then teach him not to rape. To respect women for their own sake.

A not guilty verdict or dropped charges does not equal a false accusation.

Oh BTW being found not guilty doesn't mean the rape allegation was false, it means evidence was insufficient to prove it.
Last I can see about Ben Sullivan, the victim had asked for the decision to drop the case to be reviewed which doesn't suggest she made it up to me.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/11415454/Oxford-Union-president-Ben-Sullivans-rape-case-decision-to-be-reviewed.html

There are rapists who force their victims to say on camera that they 'consent'. They might have recorded the 'consent' but it doesn't mean they aren't rapists.

Just saying.

So the best way of not being reported is still.... (drumroll) not to rape anyone. To respect women as human beings. To treat them as autonomous beings and to check if unsure as to their views about any sexual activity taking place.

The fact you speak about signed consent shows you haven't got the first fucking clue about respectful and consensual sex.

Not at all - it shows that I have seen the damage that false allegations can do against both staff and students, so don't fucking lecture me. I've been having respectful and consensual sex for longer than you've been in existence I suspect, and for 31 years with the same man, who fyi, hasn't ever raped me.

If you can't see that it is way more difficult for young males to deal with current sexual mores than it has been recently, then you need to look again.

See my point above re: recorded / written 'consent'.

That poster was right. You have no idea what consent is if you think if can be proven with a signature.

What if someone consents to one sex act but not another? Or one position but not another? Or with a condom but not without? Or changes their mind in any way during the sex act?

I know, the poor men. Never mind the 1000s of women that get raped and don't even feel able to report it.

You've got your priorities all skewed.

You do realise that signed consent mean nothing right? Because women are allowed to change their minds.

How do you know the allegations are false?

Why is it more difficult for males to deal with current sexual mores today than in the 80s? What a bizarre thing to say