'It might not have been rape, she might have had sex and regretted it afterwards'

[BravoHopeful]

This statement makes no sense. If you had consensual sex and the next day regretted it, why on earth would you go through the whole horrible experience of reporting it to the police and everything that follows? You would just move on and put it behind you.

It's always trotted out as a likely explanation in 'date rape' type cases. But it makes no sense whatsoever. AIBU?

Btw scary, I have two sons and worrying that they'll be falsely accused of rape is very low on my list of concerns for them.

They're more likely to be raped themselves.

I could sign all the consent forms in the world, but if I change my mind and say no thanks, or I want to stop, then I have the right to.

A not guilty verdict or dropped charges does not equal a false accusation.

I was going to reply to scary with exactly this. It's worrying how many people do not realise the difference.

No one needs to get a signed form as consent. Its hardly a big ask to well, ask the person you intend on having sex with if they are comfortable with how things are progressing. Being inexperienced is no excuse.

I've been having respectful and consensual sex for longer than you've been in existence I suspect, and for 31 years with the same man, who fyi, hasn't ever raped me

Its not a competition

Felas maybe rape was even more acceptable in the 80s?

Oh and scary just because you've presumed that I'm younger than you, don't patronise me.

I understand consent perfectly well.

I've been raped and I've been a healthy sexual relationships, that how I understand the difference.

We need grimbletart to come and drum some sense into the younguns. Or possibly garlic. Have to say, it is making a welcome change to be perceived as young and stupid after a day of teens telling me I am past it

I have been in existence for a long time so scary must be well old

Some woman do consent to it then regret it the next day and cry rape, to me thats utterly disgusting and it has happened a few times.

Possibly the most disturbing thing about this grossly inaccurate and inflammatory statement is that it's been said by someone who is raising 4 males. Good luck to them with a rape apologist for a mother

Fyi woman last time I looked, I was female, I have periods, I gave birth vaginally, if that answers your question. I don't teach my son to rape, what a stupid attitude...I have told him to get explicit consent so that he knows where he stands, both for covering his back, and that the sexual activity is allowable. You seem to be coming from the angle that all men are rapists, which is patently untrue.

Felas at the time we were having the discussion about consent before he went to uni, he hadn't said he was bi, and as he is, the discussion about consent is still relevant.

it seems to me that the best way of not being reported is not to engage at all perhaps, and look at the problems that is beginning to cause in Japan for example.

I was simply asking the question, is that not allowed? Men can have sons too.

I seriously hope he sees your misogyny for what it is and ignores every word of your advice.

No one here assumed your son was straight

We just thought that he had sex with women

Not that it matters, i dont want to hear about anyone elses sex life

Jesus wept - even if we do do that, and I for one have told my lad to get consent in writing, witnessed by a lawyer before having sex with anyone, people will still be calling our lads rapists just because they happen to be male.

I hope you're joking about the first bit?
People will call "your lads" rapists for as long as men keep raping. What else do you expect people to call a rapist?

Also on the second but you mixed by quote with someone else's but WRT this How are young males supposed to know this? can we please stop infantilising men to be these numb skull Neanderthals who can't spot a woman who isn't up for sex to one who is? It's grossly offensive, and if they can't figure it out they probably shouldnt be having intercourae

Whatever happened to mums

in that what is termed rape now, wouldn't have been then, and that implied consent was acceptable.

Ah the good old days when men could get away with rape because it wasn't defined properly, and marital rape was legal

Sorry that your lads might have to stop and "break the mood" one day to consider something other than their penises, my sympathy is with them 🙄

it seems to me that the best way of not being reported is not to engage at all perhaps,

No that is not what people are saying at all.

How hard is it to read someone's body language. If they are reciprocating, smiling, making noises of enjoyment, then I'd say that's a pretty good way of indicating consent. If someone still isn't sure even with these signals, then it's not difficult to simply ask; are they okay, are they comfortable.

It's not difficult to show a bit of care and consideration during the act of sex. If you do all of the above then the chances of anyone being reported for rape are slim to none. It's hardly a difficult concept to grasp and extreme suggestions of written consent are completely unnecessary, not to mention that anyone can decide at any point during sex that they no longer want to continue thus making the 'written consent' pointless in the first place.

A man is more at risk of being raped than he is of being falsely accused of rape.

Woman How am I misogynistic, just because I don't happen to fall into line with your opinions? I find your take that just because I advise my lad to ensure that he knows consent has been given for his own protection, I am misogynistic, baffling. Why do you hope he ignores my advice to get explicit consent for sex? Surely that is what you have been arguing for, that consent is given, and is understood to have been given by both partners, ergo, explicit rather than implicit consent?

Lighthouse It may be well down on your list of concerns that they will be accused, but it is not well down on mine, as I have seen at work the damage that false allegations do, and thus, I have been concerned about the issue in general since he was about 10, and he is now 21.

You should be teaching your son to obtain consent because it's the right thing to do. Not so that he doesn't get 'caught out'. What an utterly fucked up message to send out.

I have seen the damage that false allegations can do

For every 161 rape convictions there is ONE conviction for perverting the course of justice WRT rape. Yet you teach your son he's likely to have someone cry rape. I think you need to potter off, have a long hard think about what a "not guilty" verdict or withdrawn charge actually means, then maybe teach your son that it's best just not to rape people

I think scary is referring to allegations made within schools

It may be well down on your list of concerns that they will be accused, but it is not well down on mine, as I have seen at work the damage that false allegations do

Tell us scary how many of the 35 prosecutions per year for false rape allegations were you privy to at work? Is it more than the number of women who have claimed to be raped?

Desperately hoping you're not really a teacher

And i mean allegations in general, not rape allegations

pinky

She is a teacher

Oooh scary

With every post you make it worse

So if a woman gives off the impression she wants to be intimate/have sex with a man, then changes her mind at some point later on, it's okay for the man to carry on as she was being a 'prick tease'?