Page 5 | DH being U about baby in restaurant?

StripedSwad · 2016-10-18T16:22:01+00:00

We are on holiday with 3 month BF baby. There's a fancy restaurant on site which we are booked in to we have his mother with us, who will babysit, but she would need to bring baby down to us if he needs to be fed. Restaurant has said no to this as is adults only. DH thinks this is terrible and wants to complain as baby will only be down a short while and purely for feeding, whereas I think it's just one of those things you accept with a baby and we will just have to eat elsewhere. So who is right?

mathanxiety · 25/10/2016 03:26

There is still the suggestion of separate spheres there. For the mother/human dichotomy you have substituted the word 'balance' but then use the idea of adult rules and children's rules that brings us back to mother and human, and the separate worlds.

I find it very curious.

FabFiveFreddie · 25/10/2016 03:32

"Human" probably isn't accurate (whoever used it). Maybe "adult" is better.

I don't swear, drink, bad mouth anyone, talk about money or race or religion in front of my children. I do with adults. Of course there's a dichotomy. Do you do all those things with your kids?

mathanxiety · 25/10/2016 04:47

"Adult" is not a better contrast to "mother".

Are drinking, swearing, badmouthing, talking about race and religion examples of mature behaviour?

Or are we using the word adult as it is used in the context of X rated movies, porn, and various other forms of coarseness, crudeness, and crassness?

Is there a human need to behave like that?

Blu · 25/10/2016 05:53

If I were in a smart adult only restaurant I would not mind one jot if someone was feeding a small baby. I would mind if it were crying, if the parents did lots of performance parenting, walking up and down winding it and singing to it , but just having it there and feeding it if it murmured ? No, as a fellow diner I wouldn't be calling the manager and indignantly quoting the 'adult only' policy.

I would if it were anything more than a babe-in-arms.

(I didn't take a baby to an adult only restaurant during my bf years, I didn't encounter one, just saying I wouldn't object as a fellow diner)

sleepachu · 25/10/2016 06:31

*"Adult" is not a better contrast to "mother".

Are drinking, swearing, badmouthing, talking about race and religion examples of mature behaviour?

Or are we using the word adult as it is used in the context of X rated movies, porn, and various other forms of coarseness, crudeness, and crassness?

Is there a human need to behave like that?*

Do you let your kids in the room while you have sex? There's a human need to behave like that.

sleepachu · 25/10/2016 06:32

*"Adult" is not a better contrast to "mother".

Are drinking, swearing, badmouthing, talking about race and religion examples of mature behaviour?

Or are we using the word adult as it is used in the context of X rated movies, porn, and various other forms of coarseness, crudeness, and crassness?

Is there a human need to behave like that?*

Do you let your kids in the room while you have sex? There's a human need to behave like that.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 25/10/2016 07:01

Usually if I book an adult only restaurant there is a reason for it.

Clue is in the title.

miffy29 · 25/10/2016 07:19

Haven't read all posts so don't know if this has already been said, but how old is your baby? Is baby staying on long enough to get the really rich nutritious hind milk? They do something at the end of a feed when they sort of fluttersuck and you can think they're finished, but it's when they get the stuff that gets them to go longer between feeds. You carry on until the gaps between sucks are so long it's obvious they're only sucking because they like it. By three months both of mine could do a whole feed in ten to twenty minutes, by five they could do it in well under ten, but babies are all different, so I wouldn't worry. I didn't demand feed my first and regretted it, I did with my second and things went much better. if your baby is tiny keep demand feeding and don't worry. The fluttersucking is just something to try.

5toMidnight · 25/10/2016 07:20

I know a restaurant which is no children allowed because that's what they told their insurers. So children literally can't be there. Seems reasonable to me.

miffy29 · 25/10/2016 07:27

And obviously you'll feed more if you're somewhere hot (lucky you?).

kali110 · 25/10/2016 21:23

Q - Why do you want a break from your child?
Omg math your comments just get more and more ridiculous
convinced you're just on here to rile people up.
Why would you want to be away from your child? Really?
Maybe not everyone's life revolves around their child? Maybe some people like to do things without (shockhorror) their kids.
'Superior, pretentious, snooty' were you not allowed in somewhere years with your kids
Some people like time out from their children, so they don't then want to be faced with other people's kids.
Can always count when there is any type of thread likethis for yoy too appear.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 25/10/2016 21:38

I'd rather go to a snooty, pretentious adult only restaurant than be stuck with the likes of math!

If I book an adult only restaurant I expect it to be adult only, the clue is in the name.

RoseGoldHippie · 25/10/2016 23:49

Math - I very much doubt you have taken a BFP into an over 18 establishment such as a nightclub or a cocktail bar - if you have I apologise but I for one would not be impressed if I was out partying and was suddenly being told to watch my language etc around the baby! There is nothing wrong with a place being age restricted and not everyone wants to be around other people's children all the time!
And having a party at home where alcohol is being served is not the same thing as a rowdy night out on the town! Why would you even want your babies there!?

Mistletoekids · 25/10/2016 23:52

Having EBF all my kids i sympathise buy your DH is entirely wrong

Go outside nearby somewhere to feed express a bottle or don't go

mathanxiety · 26/10/2016 07:21

I think it's probably a mistake to assume other people's kids are like the kids you are trying to get away from.

LOL at 'watching language around a baby' - why would you do that?
Babies for the most part do not understand one word of what is being said. They live in a state of blissful oblivion. You have to watch what you say with toddlers of course. But an EBF baby? Seriously?

Do you let your kids in the room while you have sex? There's a human need to behave like that.
Is that the sort of restaurant we are talking about here?
Pardon me for assuming people were going there to eat a meal. I must lead a very sheltered life.

Anyone care to venture a comment on why behaviour like drinking (presumably too much), swearing, badmouthing, talking about race and religion, and various other forms of coarseness, crudeness, and crassness are considered something to look forward to after a week in the company of your lovely children?

unimagmative13 · 26/10/2016 07:38

If it's an all inclusive place usually they will have a lobby or seating very close to the door (outside) for you to feed.

I personally wouldn't have a problem if a lady BF a small baby in an adults only restaurant but then that's me.

mathanxiety · 26/10/2016 07:43

I most certainly have brought a baby to a bar, in a trendy bar and nightclub district in one of America's largest cities. I have also brought a baby on her own and also a toddler plus baby to several of the same city's best rated restaurants including a renowned steakhouse (Wagyu steak $99.00 a serving) and another where the average tab is similar. Also to a lively oyster bar/seafood restaurant in the same city. I have happy memories of Japanese consulate officials and business people leaning over from their table to chat with DD1 aged 3, and stare at her red curly hair.

............
A rowdy night on the town is probably not what the OP had in mind at her resort.

RestlessTraveller · 26/10/2016 08:02

Oh I get it Math you're one of those parents. The performance martyr type. Having lived in Manhattan I can tell you what the patrons of that establishment were thinking. They would have viewed as some irritating street theatre. You would have been the topic of conversation all night ( and not in a good way). But that's what you wanted, wasn't it?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 26/10/2016 08:04

Having lived in Manhattan I can tell you what the patrons of that establishment were thinking

Just about to say the same thing....

StrawberrytallCake · 26/10/2016 08:35

Anyone care to venture a comment on why behaviour like drinking (presumably too much), swearing, badmouthing, talking about race and religion, and various other forms of coarseness, crudeness, and crassness are considered something to look forward to after a week in the company of your lovely children?

Actually I was thinking more - having a conversation about something that's truly interesting to dh and I without having to worry about the children getting bored or interrupting. Also a wine flight with tasting menu can last a good 2 hours and again, this is tedious for children - who also tend not to like the kind of food served.

Being responsible for children/babies is physically and mentally exhausting, I wouldn't actually care if other people's children were there, but getting away from my own for a couple of hours or a night makes me happier.

So although I like the drinking, not sure where you're getting the rest of your 'adult behaviour' list from?

mathanxiety · 26/10/2016 09:03

Did I say Manhattan?
If you are so good at mind reading that you can tell what a whole restaurant full of people were thinking, you would probably have got the city right.

Strawberry, I directly C&Pd from other posters. I added crude, crass, and coarse for alliteration and because they seemed pretty appropriate as descriptors.

'out partying and was suddenly being told to watch my language' - implies a rough club or some place where people swear.
'rowdy night out on the town!'

'Q - Why do you want a break from your child?'
(A) 'So I can drink all the wine'

'I don't swear, drink, bad mouth anyone, talk about money or race or religion in front of my children. I do with adults.'
So require an adult only establishment.

All examples of fun nights out provided by others on the thread.

RestlessTraveller · 26/10/2016 09:11

I actually didn't say that you had been to Manhattan and certainly never alluded to being a member no reader. Just pointing out that I have been to what you would term 'trendy' bars in America. The city doesn't matter, the sentiment is the same.

RestlessTraveller · 26/10/2016 09:12

*mind reader

user1474627704 · 26/10/2016 09:17

Restaurants that proclaim themselves child free are using the lack of children to establish a cachet, as if that sets them on a higher plane, above those that allow children. I don't like the attitude behind that. I think a restaurant that uses that as a selling point is encouraging downright nasty attitudes

Such a depressing attitude! My precious darlings must be welcome everywhere, how dare anyone not allow them, they should be able to go wherever I go...

Get the fuck over yourself. The world is not designed exclusively for children, even your adorable moppets. Many people with children sometimes want to get away from them, its not all about you.

user1474627704 · 26/10/2016 09:17

Restaurants that proclaim themselves child free are using the lack of children to establish a cachet, as if that sets them on a higher plane, above those that allow children. I don't like the attitude behind that. I think a restaurant that uses that as a selling point is encouraging downright nasty attitudes

Such a depressing attitude! My precious darlings must be welcome everywhere, how dare anyone not allow them, they should be able to go wherever I go...

Get the fuck over yourself. The world is not designed exclusively for children, even your adorable moppets. Many people with children sometimes want to get away from them, its not all about you.