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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH being U about baby in restaurant?

527 replies

StripedSwad · 18/10/2016 17:22

We are on holiday with 3 month BF baby. There's a fancy restaurant on site which we are booked in to

we have his mother with us, who will babysit, but she would need to bring baby down to us if he needs to be fed. Restaurant has said no to this as is adults only.

DH thinks this is terrible and wants to complain as baby will only be down a short while and purely for feeding, whereas I think it's just one of those things you accept with a baby and we will just have to eat elsewhere. So who is right?

OP posts:
Stillunexpected · 18/10/2016 18:12

If you are breastfeeding often enough that the baby would have to come down several times during the meal, then I think you are being unreasonable. Your DH can complain all he likes to the restaurant but I suspect it will be dwarfed by the complaints from the other patrons who have chosen a child-free evening and who probably aren't going to be thrilled at the comings and goings, winding etc at your table.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/10/2016 18:14

Are you in the UK? If so, the restaurant is acting illegally

Not true, you are permitted to feed anywhere that you can take the baby but you can not take the baby into somewhere that does not allow them simply because you breastfeed.

BackforGood · 18/10/2016 18:16

I agree with practically everyone else.
You are right, your dh is, on this occasion, wrong.

Might have got a whole lot of different answers if there were only one restaurant available, but there is a choice, and some people will have deliberately chosen to go to the adults only one. It's what you sacrifice whilst you are breastfeeding, and what a tiny sacrifice it is Smile

monkeywithacowface · 18/10/2016 18:16

You are right although I have to point out to the poster that mentioned Le Manoir, they are very child friendly so maybe give that a miss if you want child free!

CrowyMcCrowFace · 18/10/2016 18:17

It's not illegal to ban children Zuleika.

It's illegal to let them in & then ban their being bf once they are in, but a rock venue or casino don't have to welcome babies in on that account! Same for a restaurant.

cansu · 18/10/2016 18:22

Surely she can call or text you and you can pop up and feed and then return. I actually think a baby being brought into a fancy restaurant in the evening is not really on. Just like bringing any child to this kind of place would be inappropriate. You either work round it or you don't go or you go somewhere more family friendly and less fancy. When my dc were that age, we went to restaurants where there were kids, sat outside on holidays where it was more relaxed etc etc.

Owllady · 18/10/2016 18:23

Can she not wrap the baby up and push it around in the pram whilst you eat? :-)

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/10/2016 18:25

Are you in the UK? If so, the restaurant is acting illegally.

No they aren't

motherinferior · 18/10/2016 18:33

I love babies, and I coo over them in cafes and restaurants and I love seeing them being breastfed. However, in the days when I had small children and had escaped for a rare night out, the sight of a baby broke me out in a sweaty rage.

plasmina · 18/10/2016 18:57

I bf both of my wee ones but I don't understand how at 3 months old you couldn't go out for at least 2 hours? The baby won't starve. Also, a lot of us other moms (and dads) are going to expensive restaurants for a break from our children and we don't want to see other people's kids either.

Original poster
StripedSwad · 18/10/2016 19:18

plas I don't understand how you don't understand Grin but you have got me wondering!

Baby feeds 2-3 hourly, often more frequently in the evenings. If she wakes for a feed and doesn't get one, she screams progressively louder! Yes we could potentially manage it, but it's a question of timing and isn't that predictable yet. Am I the only one whose baby is like that? Should I have this sorted by now??

OP posts:
Original poster
StripedSwad · 18/10/2016 19:19

Anyway - we have just decided to risk it for the chance of a lovely meal. If all goes tits up Wink then I'll go back and feed while DH gets stuck into the wine, or we will both go back to room with a doggy bag!

OP posts:
Andromache77 · 18/10/2016 22:35

To be honest, your husband is being selfish. He will eat uninterrupted, most likely you won't, all because he wants that particular restaurant. But I wish you good luck and I sincerely hope that you manage to eat at least part of your meal and enjoy it.

As to sorting out the unpredictability of a 3mo breastfed baby, just don't bother. 3m olds are unpredictable, that's the way it is and the breast means the world to them, it's food, comfort, security, etc.

SylvieB74 · 18/10/2016 22:38

I don't know whose right, but it's just a shame this country is like that isn't it? You're not allowed to be young in some places. You're almost never allowed to be old either.

Secretmetalfan · 18/10/2016 23:11

Can't you express and leave the milk for the baby?

JaniceBattersby · 18/10/2016 23:18

I bf both of my wee ones but I don't understand how at 3 months old you couldn't go out for at least 2 hours?

I've breastfed three babies and at three months none of them would go two hours between feeds in the evening. My babies were much older before I could stretch them two hours, even during the day. At that age they pretty much cluster fed on and off from 7pm to 10pm then all night

DesolateWaist · 18/10/2016 23:28

No Sylvie, this is one restaurant.
I would literally fight for a woman's right to breastfeed her child but not if they were in one of the very few adult only places.

carmenta · 18/10/2016 23:30

it's a question of timing and isn't that predictable yet. Am I the only one whose baby is like that? Should I have this sorted by now??

Not necessarily. DD was (and is) a snacker. She fed 20 times a day when she was tiny, and we didn't get reliable two hour gaps between feeds until we switched to mix-feeding her at about 5.5 months when I went back to work.

ollieplimsoles · 18/10/2016 23:39

When dd was that age she was still breastfeeding at least every 2 hours, no way could I have left her in the evening either as she fed much more frequently.

BennyTheBall · 18/10/2016 23:55

My dh evenings, when mine were 3 months, was pretty much non stop breast feeding.

However, if I were determined to have a nice meal out, I'd risk it and realise I might have to nip back to the room to breastfeed.

SpringerS · 19/10/2016 00:11

I don't know. There is an argument to be made for the fact that a breastfeeding mother is pretty much prohibited from an awful lot of places she may want to go to. If she is breastfeeding she may have to be with the baby, that's not a choice. So the venue is preventing the woman from being on site just by virtue of her status as a new mother and her biological functions. That is discrimination. And it's really no more ok for a woman to be prevented from being somewhere because she is feeding a baby than it is to ban her from somewhere because she has her period or is pregnant.

The venue gets away with it because the argument that they are banning children. But the fact is they are also, by extension, banning women at a particular lifestage. It is really something that needs to be thought through from all angles.

HeddaGarbled · 19/10/2016 00:12

Your husband is being ridiculous. You gave birth three months ago and have an exclusively breast fed baby who feeds frequently in the evenings. I would not expect to be eating in fancy restaurants at this period in my life. I would probably not be on holiday. I would not be wanting to get dolled up fancy. I would be at home in my PJs and my meal treats would be a take away or something my husband cooked me.

He is trying to pretend that nothing has changed since having the baby. But your life has massively changed and he needs to suck it up. Give it a year and it would be reasonable to ask your MIL to babysit while you go to a nice restaurant but he has pushed this on all 3 of you way too soon.

ChequeOff · 19/10/2016 00:15

You are right. Your DH is wrong. Have a lovely evening Wink

LookAtAllThesePhucksIGive · 19/10/2016 00:23

Whoa Hedda. Back up there love. Next you'll be accusing him of abusing the op. It sounds to me like he wants to treat his wife to a nice dinner but knows her priority is feeding the baby. He's being a bit clumsy in his efforts but he's trying to please everyone. I'm sure op knows her dh better than we do.

mathanxiety · 19/10/2016 01:39

Maybe your mum-in-law could take the baby out in a buggy for a long stroll while you're having dinner. You could feed before you go, and hopefully a little distraction would help the baby not go ballistic.

I kind of agree with Hedda though not really with the point about the H wanting to turn the clock back. It's hard to enjoy a dinner out when you may be wondering if your baby is crying herself purple faced up in your room. A holiday when your baby is three months old can be quite stressful. I did this with DD1 when she was about 4 months old, and still not really feeding according to schedule in the evenings. We ended up having dinner before 6 pm every day and the closer to 5 pm the better actually. We went to dining venues full of older people taking advantage of early evening specials. DD1 refused to take a bottle and I was not going to force her to do so just in order to be able to occasionally eat a meal out. It wouldn't have been worth it.

I agree with Springer wrt discrimination.
It is a 100% adult thing to breastfeed a baby. The restaurant is saying there is something distasteful about it when it refuses a breastfeeding pair accommodation. The H should absolutely complain.

I don't know that to think of adults who insist on sacrosanct 'adults only' spaces. Are children really so insufferable that they could not bear to be in the same dining room with them?