DH being U about baby in restaurant?

[StripedSwad]

We are on holiday with 3 month BF baby. There's a fancy restaurant on site which we are booked in to

we have his mother with us, who will babysit, but she would need to bring baby down to us if he needs to be fed. Restaurant has said no to this as is adults only.

DH thinks this is terrible and wants to complain as baby will only be down a short while and purely for feeding, whereas I think it's just one of those things you accept with a baby and we will just have to eat elsewhere. So who is right?

I wouldn't expect a BF baby to be allowed into an adult only restaurant anymore than I would think they'd be allowed in a nightclub.

Allowing children and not allowing bf'ing is not on, not allowing children is perfectly OK imo. No one is obliged to eat there so if you don't like their rules then don't eat there.

Your husband is BU

BlondishBear no one is disputing the fact that when a baby needs to feed, it needs to feed. The point in dispute here is whether or not you have the right to take a baby or a child into a restaurant that specifically prohibits it. Not only that, but OP has said she/they asked they were could and they were specifically told no.

I love my DS more than anything else in this world, and I will love my DTwins just as much when they're born, but they don't give me special privileges. Having a child is a choice. You choose to carry the child to term. You choose to raise the child, as opposed to adopting it out. Maybe your position/life experience/religion/morals dictates that choice for you, but at the end of the day it is still a choice. It is right and fair that you should see that choice through to its logical consequences, meaning that your life has changed.

It is not right and fair to expect complete strangers to see your choice through to its logical consequences. You don't get to push your child on people who have specifically chosen a child free environment, just because you are unwilling to adjust your expectations of your life now. Maybe at one point, you were in a position to patronize restaurants like this. Right now, when your baby is this small, you are no longer in this position. When your child is older and more able to be left for longer periods of time, you will be in this position again. It isn't the world punishing you for having a child. It is the world continuing to turn. It is the world carrying on with its life - your life changing doesn't mean everyone's has to.

Perhaps I sound militant, but I just can't see that my choice to have a child should be allowed to ruin another couple's right to have a child free evening in a child free restaurant. I am just not that entitled. There are a lot of complaints about how the childfree community talks about parents in such disparaging tones, well, honestly, parents who expect the world to just bend to their pfb are the reason the childfree have so much material. It is entitlement. It isn't okay. And I agree with a PP who said where does it end? In the operating room? In the kitchen of that fancy restaurant where they're making your food? In the patrol cars of the police officers who are sworn to keep us safe (oh, but hang on, I know you're being stabbed but baby needs a feed)? We have to be realistic, and we have to remember that the world doesn't revolve around us just because we're parents.

Oh dear, no, I didn't mean new mothers should not be allowed to eat out for a year after giving birth just that OP shouldn't feel pressured into dolling herself up and fine dining if it feels like too much effort.

Again, those are all jobs - police in cars, doctors in operating theatres.

Going to a restaurant is something you do outside of work.

Restaurants that proclaim themselves child free are using the lack of children to establish a cachet, as if that sets them on a higher plane, above those that allow children. I don't like the attitude behind that. I think a restaurant that uses that as a selling point is encouraging downright nasty attitudes.

The special privilege of a paid for child free zone leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

The world continues to turn but without you, until your children are acceptable, is the message you endorse, Jayisforjessica. The world carries on with its life and meanwhile you are stuck in limbo. Tough cheese. You chose to have a baby. Now you have to accept that you are relegated to second tier dining establishments.

Having a child is a choice. You choose to carry the child to term. You choose to raise the child, as opposed to adopting it out. Maybe your position/life experience/religion/morals dictates that choice for you, but at the end of the day it is still a choice. It is right and fair that you should see that choice through to its logical consequences, meaning that your life has changed.
Blimey. That makes me cringe.

^ Oh FFS

The special privilege of a paid for child free zone leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Seriously

Math you are absolutely entitled to your opinion but you must understand that others are entitled to feel the opposite. There are far more restaurants that allow children than don't. By banning them you are taking away the choice of people who don't feel the same way as you.

You might think that the people who sometimes want an adult ambience for a meal out are up themselves, but there's no law against being up yourself (most of MN would be in the dock from time to time if there were ) - or you might think they just want somewhere quiet. There's a restaurant we go to which has no children and no piped music and there are times when that's what we want.

YANBU, your DH is though

Some people are so self absorbed. There is a room full of people who have chosen to go to an adults only restaurant. If you want to BF have some consideration for them and go elsewhere. And you are not relegated to second tier establishments, there are plenty of very nice restaurants where you can take kids. It's just a choice for people, and unfortunately if you need to breastfeed during a meal it is not the right choice to choose adults only. Before I had kids I would go on adults only holidays. There is nothing more annoying than hearing other people's kids screaming and splashing you when you want a relaxing break. That is a choice, it doesn't make it a superior holiday, it just meant I wanted a different experience. Now I am stuck with the kids pool

What happened, Op?

Did you risk it?

YWNBU btw.

On that principle Math do you also dislike family orientated restaurants? They are also establishing a cachet!
You say people wanting an adult only restaurant are encouraging a downright nasty attitude but couldn't a vegetarian say the same about a meat serving restaurant? The answer to each is simple, you go where 'suits' you!

Restaurants that proclaim themselves child free are using the lack of children to establish a cachet, as if that sets them on a higher plane, above those that allow children.

Oh please. Literally the only person saying that is you. Nowhere in my post did I say anything about cf evenings, establishments or people being better. I meant that those people are making a choice to spend the evening sans children, and it's a choice they're entitled to make. Yet here you are, behaving very much like just because they didn't chose what you chose, it's some sort of personal insult. I shouldn't like to put words in anyone's mouth, but your comments read to me like you are the one who feels like this CF stuff is on a higher plane, and you're upset your child is not allowed on it.

Different does not mean worse. Different does not mean better. A choice that is different to yours is not a personal insult. You don't have the right to take people's choice away from them because it doesn't line up with yours.

The world continues to turn but without you, until your children are acceptable, is the message you endorse, Jayisforjessica

Again with the words in my mouth. You can think what you want, but at the end of the day, there are places in this world that children are not allowed to go - much like there are places where adults are not allowed to go. Do you insist on being allowed to join in at soft play and cry discrimination when you're told your age is unsuitable for the activity? As others have said, a lot of people in these CF restaurants are parents. If I take the time and money to have a break from my child in a place he isn't allowed to go, it's pretty galling to have that experience wrecked by entitled parents like you who insist their children go everywhere - including places they are not wanted and not allowed.

Why would you even want to take your child somewhere he wasn't wanted? Just to prove a point that what, you can be a mom and nothing has to change? Of course there has to be change! Baby comes first, and that means sometimes you have to make sacrifices - including going to the CF restaurant!

How did i guess math would be on this thread saying it's not fair, the baby should be allowed in

Stick with Pizza Hut, math, and let the rest of us make our own decisions about where to eat

What part of 'no children' is so hard to understand?

It's not like they're babies for long, just give those kinds of establishment a miss for a year or so. If the place is close enough for your mum to bring the baby down for a feed then presumably it would work in reverse and if needed you could pop out to feed.

If I chose to go to the hassle of getting a babysitter in and going for a nice quiet romantic meal in a 'child free' establishment with DW I'd be pissed off if a baby (or children in general) were on the next table.

I have just RTFT and I wanted to ask this: Math would you think it acceptable to take a bf child into a night club/bar/over 18 (or12/15 you get my point) movie at the cinema?

Jessica - Assuming I am in fact the only person saying that, your point is?
Why do you want a break from your child?

Why are people so adamant about 'child free' leisure time? Is this some cultural thing?

Rose - yes. I have taken a breastfeeding baby to a bar. I have also hosted parties at home and been to parties in other people's homes where alcohol was served. Plus weddings, Irish funerals, etc.

Maninawomansworld - because of sour grapes?

Mickey - anyone is welcome in a 'family restaurant'. They don't turn you away because you don't have your gran or your baby along with you. You can go on your own, no family required at all.

Jessica - Snooty, pretentious 'adults' only places otoh, turn away a large portion of the population so they can charge you more or make you pay more for your evening out because you have to hire a babysitter. They create a 'desirable' ambiance and you pay over the odds and jump through hoops to go there.

It is abundantly clear from comments about screaming, splashing, running around children or babies that 'child free' establishments and destinations are indeed considered superior.

Because in addition to being a mother, I'm also a human being. That didn't stop when I became a mother. Yes, I made sacrifices when DS was only wee, because he was only wee, and that's what you do when you are a parent. He's 12 now, and I see no reason why I shouldn't be allowed a night out.

You can be a good parent without being attached at the hip to your (older) child, you know.

Jessica - Snooty, pretentious 'adults' only places otoh, turn away a large portion of the population so they can charge you more or make you pay more for your evening out because you have to hire a babysitter. They create a 'desirable' ambiance and you pay over the odds and jump through hoops to go there.

If you hate them so much, why are you so desperate to take your child there?

And you're essentially bolstering my point. If I've paid extra for that very experience, it would really rip my knitting to find some entitled mother there thinking that her child is the exception.

I am curious about the perceived dichotomy between being a mother and being a human being.

Can you only be a human being if you and your baby are in separate places?

You want to be careful that straw person doesn't get too close to the fire. It'll go right up.

Q - Why do you want a break from your child?

A - Because in addition to being a mother, I'm also a human being.

As I said, I am curious.
There most definitely is a perceived dichotomy there on your part.

Joining this thread late but can't resist replying to why do you want a break from your child?

Can't believe I just read that! Seriously?? I spend 24/7 with my kids, I'd give my left tit for a posh meal in an adults only restaurant these days! They're the best thing ever (my kids, that is), but there is such a thing as balance, and that's nigh on impossible to achieve when you have total dependents. Small children cannot be expected to play to adult rules (civilised conversation, interesting conversation, table manners, let alone enjoying food and alcohol which the children may not like), and nor should they. And not all adults want to play to kids' rules 100% of the time - and why should they?

It's good for the kids to be away from the parents (you're talking about the duration of a meal, not 12 weeks in borstal), and vice versa.

Q - Why do you want a break from your child?

So I can drink all the wine and not have to be responsible for someone else for a few hours. Also because it's good for children to bond with and trust other adults, but mostly the wine thing.