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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH being U about baby in restaurant?

527 replies

StripedSwad · 18/10/2016 17:22

We are on holiday with 3 month BF baby. There's a fancy restaurant on site which we are booked in to

we have his mother with us, who will babysit, but she would need to bring baby down to us if he needs to be fed. Restaurant has said no to this as is adults only.

DH thinks this is terrible and wants to complain as baby will only be down a short while and purely for feeding, whereas I think it's just one of those things you accept with a baby and we will just have to eat elsewhere. So who is right?

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 19/10/2016 01:53

I agree with Springer

A new mother and an ebf baby are a unit as far as I am concerned. No-one has the right to separate or exclude them.

ChathamDockyard · 19/10/2016 01:59

I don't mind babies being fed but It would annoy me if the baby was crying.

I BF at a really fancy restaurant but I didn't ask permission. I just carried the baby in and lay him down next to me. When he started to wake I leant forward and tucked him under my shirt and adopted a poker face. No one would have been able to tell I was feeding him. Luckily he didn't make a noise and fell asleep again when he finished. I would have had to leave if he made a noise.

DH and I thought it was hilarious at the time.

Motherfuckers · 19/10/2016 02:07

Yes math other people's children often are insufferable, usually those with parents who think they should be allowed anywhere..

Motherfuckers · 19/10/2016 02:11

How is it "banning women at a particular lifestage" springer? No one has to breast feed 24 hours a day.

user1476140278 · 19/10/2016 02:21

I'd just feed her before going down.

NightCzar · 19/10/2016 02:24

Can you go for lunch instead? Does she go for longer stretches in the day?

mathanxiety · 19/10/2016 03:24

Breastfeeding most definitely is a lifestage just as pregnancy is. They are bound together, but distinct.

DeathStare · 19/10/2016 04:35

So Springer where does this end?

If you are having an operation does your surgeon have a right to bring their breastfed baby in with them? What about the ten other operating theatre staff?

Still on the "theatre" theme.... what if you go to see a play. Do all the actresses have a right to take their babies on stage if they need breastfeeding?

Next time you get on a bus is it OK for it to stop for 20 minutes because the driver has her baby with her and needs to breastfeed?

What about a dangerous building site? Should a baby be there because one of the builders needs to breastfeed?

What about scuba diving? Should a woman who dives expect the dive club to make arrangements for her to take her baby to the bottom of the ocean so she can breastfeed?

Motherfuckers · 19/10/2016 04:44

That is nöt quite what I said though is it math?

elizadolittlechoc · 19/10/2016 05:10

I wondered if there was a safety hazard. Scalding hot plates and sauces, flambes, cooking at tables, mysterious smoking herbs in pots of straw to create flavour sensations, teapots full of potions you are supposed to pour yourself onto dishes. Eating out can be a hands on multi sensual experience.

Munstermonchgirl · 19/10/2016 06:45

If your baby won't take ebm from a bottle or sippy cup, then book somewhere else. It seems daft, if you're pretty much tied to the baby, to risk interrupting a posh meal for yourself by having to leave the table possibly several times during the evening.

Your dh is being ridiculous btw. And I say that As a committed breastfeeder. It's totally incorrect that it's illegal to ban children from
Certain places- it's a shame a small number of militants can't get their facts straight before posting.

Go somewhere child friendly. Or risk interrupting your own evening. Don't bring your child into an adult only establishment

Munstermonchgirl · 19/10/2016 06:51

Springer- I and many of my friends were back at work with ebf 3 month old babies in the early 90s. None of us took our babies to work with us. Its total bollocks that women with small babies are effectively banned from loads of places. It's quite possible to be a committed breast feeder without assuming the entire world is suitable for you to feed anywhere and everywhere.

Oblomov16 · 19/10/2016 06:55

I don't have a problem with Adult only restaurants. Warner, Thomson and first choice do adult only holidays. If those are the rules and you have children, or want to breastfeed, book with another holiday company/different type of holiday/different restaurant.

I totally support breastfeeding and breast feed both my ds's. But if I did book a restaurant, for dh and I, and booked it knowing it was specifically adult only, (not that I ever have, But if I did....) then I would be puzzled to see a couple with a child there, because that's not the rules.

Step outside, feed your child and return, or book a different restaurant. You have lots of choices here.

Collaborate · 19/10/2016 07:13

The reason your baby is excluded is not because it's breastfed, but because it's a baby. Not unreasonable for the restaurant. Now, if it allowed other babies, but asked you to leave when it came to feed time, that would be wrong in the UK, and possibly where you are depending upon local laws.

mathanxiety · 19/10/2016 07:38

You are hairsplitting when you propose that because babies are not necessarily latched on to the breast 24 hours a day breastfeeding isn't a lifestage, MotherFuckers.

Deathstare, Munstermonch, that is working environments you are talking about. You need to be able to focus on your work, and that is hard when you have the baby to take care of. A restaurant providing food to paying customers that wants you to focus exclusively on its food or to contribute to its ambiance by leaving your breastfeeding baby behind is a restaurant that takes itself far too seriously and encourages its patrons to do likewise.

There is no more safety hazard to a baby in a restaurant than there is in his own kitchen or other parts of the home. If a restaurant is so dangerous that safety of patrons is a concern, they should be paying you to eat there.

jayisforjessica · 19/10/2016 07:58

I think some mothers (not saying anyone here, just some people I've met) have this vague sense that the rules apply to everyone else, but not them and their ebf pfb.

Thing is, restaurants etc aren't public property, they're private property. While they can't ask you to leave if you're breastfeeding (that IS against the law), they ABSOLUTELY have the right to set rules regarding no children on their premises. They also have the right to enforce said rules. If you don't like those rules, then you don't patronize those establishments. It's as simple as that. You protest the rules that you don't like with your feet and your wallet, by not going, and not spending your money there.

You don't, however, have the right to just decide the rules don't apply to you because they don't suit you. That right there is where the restaurant is no longer the unreasonable one. You are.

Our babies, our children, are precious and priceless and special to us, but I think there are times when we all have to take a step back and remember that as much as we love them, that doesn't mean we get to pick and choose what rules we follow.

Temporaryname137 · 19/10/2016 08:01

You are right. There are certain places where I wouldn't bf in public - adult places, like pubs. And fancy restaurants are def in that category. Esp when you could pop up to the room or sit outside.

But it is great that your DH is so supportive of women bf'ing in public, because I found quite a few people aren't, sadly. When I opened the thread I thought he was going to be complaining about someone else's baby!

ZoeTurtle · 19/10/2016 08:06

Oh god, your husband is one of THOSE parents.

buckyou · 19/10/2016 14:21

Why is it illegal for them to say adults only?? I don't know why people expect to be able to take their kids everywhere. Some places just aren't appropriate. It's nothing to do with BFing.

RestlessTraveller · 19/10/2016 16:09

If a BF mother and baby are a unit then they can't access somewhere that is adults only. There is a reason that people eat in adults
only restraunt's. I have previously asked to move tables because I don't want to sit next to children who are noisy or running around and I certainly don't want to sit and have to listen to Pepper Pig on repeat played on a tablet again.

There are age restrictions everywhere. I would love to go mad at my local softplay, but I appreciate I'm not allowed. It's not discrimination.

Munstermonchgirl · 19/10/2016 19:37

Math-no, the fact i was using a workplace as an example isn't totally different. Restaurants are perfectly entitled to be adult only, and presumably if they are good ones, they get great custom and no doubt many people book precisely because there is no risk of kids changing the ambience. If you think such places are 'taking themselves too seriously' and are a bit 'up themselves' then stick to family places to eat. Don't expect the entire world to change to suit you

OwlinaTree · 19/10/2016 19:50

Are children really so insufferable that they could not bear to be in the same dining room with them?

Some of them are, yesGrin

Wheezie100 · 19/10/2016 21:48

Myself, partner and three children live in a house split into two flats. We live on the top floor. Who would be cool with their Mum living downstairs? Usual or unusual? She's in her early 70's.

Pomegranatemolasses · 20/10/2016 00:50

Also Hedda, the op hasn't said she'd rather be tucked up in her pjs eating takeaway!

Maybe she can handle going out to eat, rather than giving it a year, as you suggest.

BlondishBear · 20/10/2016 01:41

I'm siding with your husband. At 3 months old your child needs feeding really often and not on a schedule. There should be no "stretching them out" 'till their next feed. I never asked, just BF DS when he's hungry where ever we were inc restaurants in the evening. The only person to complain has been my own mother, who worries way too much about what other people think.