'supported living for challenging youngsters' being built next door.

[getyourselfchecked]

NC for this as could be outing. This is more of a WWYD really. I am at risk of sounding like a right NIMBY and I hate that its bringing this out in me but...
I am a single parent about to move to a new house. Building work has started on a 'supported living for challenging youngsters' development right next door.
Now, I have lived in some of the most gang-riven areas in the country without a thought but in my old age and with a child I admit I am worried about crime, drugs and ability to sell house on. I love the house and everything else is good.
WWYD? Still proceed with the purchase?

This is a genuine post, I don't have many people to discuss this with and I have never worried about house values etc in my life! I am genuinely surprised at my reaction to this.

I would run a mile. I used to live in a house (rented, thankfully) and a supported living place (flats) was built about 100m down the road for "people with complex needs". We had residents rifling through our bins to drain the dregs of bottles of wine, fires started in a neighbour's skip, and drugs being dealt outside the house. I know it's not the same but it was awful.
Not that I live anywhere much nicer now - someone was knifed (gang related) 5 times on the street almost outside our house the other day. Sadly this time we own the house - if I could wind back the clock and buy somewhere else I'd do it in an instant.

My twopence worth, for all i'm sure anyone cares.

I have been quite open about the fact my son is Disabled, so am i ftr, as i also have ASD and an anxiety disorder.. i also have a degenerative disc problem that affects me physically and will only get worse as time passes.

Does it upset me that people wouldn't want to live next to my child should he ever live in supported housing? Yes.

Do i think its not a nice attitude and possibly diablist? Yes.

Do i blame anyone for having those views? Nope. Not one bit.

I don't like them, but i do understand them...

Shrieking, cloth rending and abusing people is NOT the way to change attitudes.. Yelling at MNHQ isn't the way either.

No-one comes out of these exchanges having learned anything, or changed attitude, they simply feel attacked, ignored, sidelined and like they have achieved nothing.

I completely understand that we don't want to have to keep 'educating' people, we shouldn't HAVE to, but the simple fact of the matter is, measured, reasonable polite responses which explain WHY we're upset and WHY other people should think or see differently, are going to achieve much more positive results than this off kilter shrieking.

Please stop. You are doing our kids no favours.

^
This x100
Well said MaddyHatter

I don't have time to read all thread but I had some contact at my work with a similar supported living unit in the most exclusive part of our city. The people living in this part of the city are very rich and complain about bloody everything. They never had the new bin system everyone else did because they complained about it, developments and shop frontages everyone else puts up with, they don't because they complain. When I visited the unit a neighbour came out and photographed me and complained that my bike was spoiling the visual of the area. Yet I never once heard of anyone complaining of the unit. I think the support the young people get is so high, it prevents problems.

No-one has said they don't want to live next to a disabled person. All they have said is they don't want to live next door to groups of teenagers who are noisy, messy and possibly dangerous. Whether they are disabled or not makes no difference.

How is this disablist?

Most people are just getting on with their own lives and would not care at all who lives next door unless it's causing them a problem - in which case the reason for the problem (students/homeless hostel/just rude and ignorant is not relevant in the slightest)

I wish I could 'like' your post, Maddy.

Mellowmarsh - the support young people in need get to live supported or independent lives in the community is falling all the time. That applies to pretty much all young people in need, whether disabled, with mental health issues, care leavers.

One of the great scandals of our time. This government, and the many that predated them, should hang their heads in shame over how we fail the most vulnerable young people of our society.

I work in this 'field' if you like. Sometimes there can be one person, others can be 6/7 people. There should be staff on site 24/7, night shifts, waking nights etc. In all honesty though I don't think I'd take the risk, it could potentially reduce the cost of your house in the long run and can you afford that?

I couldn't have all the coming and going aswell. Several cars potentially at all times of the day. It just wouldn't be for me.

I was trying to type out a response to Maddys eloquent post but I see that Carefreee has saved me the trouble

No-one has said they don't want to live next to a disabled person. All they have said is they don't want to live next door to groups of teenagers who are noisy, messy and possibly dangerous. Whether they are disabled or not makes no difference

How is this disablist?

This is what I don't understand. I get that some of the children may have disabilities but I don't understand how that means that me thinking I I wouldn't buy a house next to a home for a group of teens makes me disabilist. I don't want to be disabilist I really really don't.

This is what I don't understand. I get that some of the children may have disabilities but I don't understand how that means that me thinking I I wouldn't buy a house next to a home for a group of teens makes me disabilist. I don't want to be disabilist sad I really really don't.

Can we start the thread again, with this as the focus? I suspect that, if we could do this without any shouting we would rescue something really productive from poor getyourselfcheckeds .

i think the issue was, its very highly likely that these 16-24yo who are homeless and living in the facility will likely have a hidden disability.. autism adhd, mental health issues...etc.

And then there were the people who said they work with teens with disabilites/behavioural issues and wouldn't want to live next to the kind of people they work with.

All of that is tied up in the unfortunately (and not always undeserved) attitude that Teenagers in large groups are anti-social, as well as a lot of NIMBYism.

It all culminates in a general air of the feeling that people prejudice affects these facilities and the people living in them.

I'm not sure the whole attitude is disablist but some of the reasons BEHIND the thinking are and can be.

Does that make sense? (trying hard here, lol)

Maddy yes totally understand that.

But people saying they don't want to live next door to a house of teenagers living independently aren't necessarily being disablist, providing they extend that to, for example, a house full of uni students.

I'm dreading having a teenager. I was vile when I was one. I can't imagine wanting to live next to a houseful of mes.

OP, If you are still reading here's my experience. We have a home for supported living very close to us. It is for care leavers aged 16-24 so very similar to yours. It is only staffed part time and not overnight. There is a LOT of loitering around at times as visitors are seemingly not allowed in. Our side alley is often used for drug dealing. There is occasionally loud music.

So, actually it hasn't been too bad BUT it all depends who is living there at any one time and who is staffing it. These things change frequently. Even the use of the building can change. The council may currently plan to use it for this purpose but may later decide they need a halfway house for offenders or addicts etc.

I would walk away. There are too many uncertainties and buying a house is the biggest investment most of us ever make so it makes sense to protect that investment and make your choice wisely.

I'm sad this thread has become what it has. Regardless of the hyperbole I can't imagine many people would be queuing up to move next door. It's very sad - yes. But I don't think anyone should criticise unless they would willingly be in the OPs shoes.

Agree with Matilda

I also lived near a similar care - it was mainly for young people coming out of the care system. There was some loitering and drug dealing. There was some security at the door and that was about it. I don't think the young people were particularly cared for, sadly.

A home that is fully supported and run properly would be very different but you just don't know.

I think the OP is being quiet sensible seeking as much information as she can about what is proposed.

Neighbours can have a huge impact on quality of life and it's something out of your control once you have bought.

We've reject houses next to student, pubs and multiple accompany houses as we felt balance of probabilities were we'd be more likely to have issues.

There are no guarantees though our first house problem neighbour were couple in their 50s. Loud noise from their last teenager. Then when we failed to do something they wanted and turn out was their responsibility years of minor petty damage to our stuff - not that it was provable - abuse if we stepped into our garden, till we raise fence damage to stuff in our garden and constant bad mouthing us to all and sundry - plus during regular pick up and drop off her standing with group of friend or family at end of drive loudly bad mouthing us- which I found very stressful.

There was no indication that there would be any issues. I wouldn't have guessed at the hugely negative impact on us all that our neighbour could cause.

I found people generally quite dismissive about the impact on us - though everyone notice how happier and more relaxed we were when we got out - a a few have since had their own issue with neighbours and have been shocked at how stressful it can all be - it can take a real toll on your mental health.

If OP was renting I'd suggest trying and seeing but we got stuck in that house for 7 years -7 years of my kids childhood with me stressed out fearful- it's not so easy to move on when you buy.

As it a new development there no history to judge on - you can't wonder round and gauge possibility of problems. OP going to have to make a judgement about likely impact on her family - which could be none at all to anything.

PA, ableism, goading, language and rounding up aside.

What is MNHQ view on the conflict between this thread and the guest post running at the moment? I can't be the only one who has noticed.

How can you support one and not the other when they are the same thing?

It's really quite important that you have clear guidelines on what is and isn't acceptable. Confusing what is acceptable and legal with raising your profile. You can't highlight the needs of vulnerable homeless people on one part of the site and support a thread like this at the same time. You are either compassionate and empathetic to the plight of vulnerable young homeless people or you aren't. You can't be both.

I hope you looked into the name change too. I'm highly dubious about all these name changing threads.

Well, that's me all done and dusted.

If the whole bloody site, every thread, every forum is going to be at risk of being hijacked then there is no point being here.

I may read round for a while, hoping that some posters gain a sense of perspective - not the issue, their relative importance within it and that of MN itself. I refuse to be browbeaten, emotionally blackmailed and sniped at for not doing/saying/thinking what some self appointed Forum Divas insist I should - especially given that they have no idea who or what I am/do, nor many of the other posters who have been roundly chastised, here and many other threads.

I hope MN stick to their stance, which to me is clear: do not attack or malign, but do discuss, help others understand.

Owlady, I hear what you're saying, but it's entirely possible that the OP isn't in a financial position where she could afford to lose money on her house purchase. If she's buying it at a valuation that doesn't take into account anything which might make the house less attractive to a future buyer (be that a new development, a pub opening down the road, or a house full of rowdy teenagers next door), and thus ends up in negative equity, that could spell financial ruin for her.

If of course that future development has already been taken into account, then all fine, but it doesn't sound like the OP is entirely clear whether it has been.

Surely compassion goes both ways? I feel some compassion for the OP, as well as for any teenager that finds themselves homeless.

If the whole bloody site, every thread, every forum is going to be at risk of being hijacked then there is no point being here

I must admit it does seem to be that way