Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is beyond weird!?

236 replies

FameNameGameLame · 18/10/2016 08:28

This is driving me nuts and I've NC to post. My DS went to the zoo with his class last week. Came home with lots of stories and a new pencil and notebook. They had a really fun day.

A bit later via the class group text a message comes in from a parent saying thanks to the mum who anonymously phoned the zoo and bought them all a souvenir pencil and book.

For the next multiple hours there are messages from mum after mum after mum thanking this anonymously gifter. Hmm

No one knows who it was. Then yesterday there was a note from the teacher saying thanks to the mum who anonymously did this.

AIBU to be weirded out by this. I mean, why do that? Why!!!

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 18/10/2016 12:50

As I said previously, I think there must be terrible harm in the past life of someone who can't understand an act of kindness except as self-interested. I don't think we should pile in.

OP: I hope this thread has shown you that many people HAVE experienced random acts of kindness that are done without hope of fame or reciprocation. It is sad to me that you haven't ever experienced this before.

loobyloo1234 · 18/10/2016 12:53

No wonder the OP has NC ... Grin

I really hope someone realises who she is ... better everyone knows she's ungrateful and think if you've done a good deed there must be something wrong with you Hmm

pictish · 18/10/2016 12:54

It's not narcissistic if it's anonymous surely?

MrsBernardBlack · 18/10/2016 12:54

You are right OP - your attitude is beyond weird!

johnboyConfused · 18/10/2016 13:00

OP, I also thought it was weird but of course now I can see that I need more therapy!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/10/2016 13:02

It is a bit weird, maybe, but I'd still see it as a nice gesture.
The first thing I thought is that she'd maybe done it in memory of someone; or that she'd come into some money suddenly and wanted to do something nice for all her DC's friends.

I wouldn't see it an anything other than a decent, altruistic gesture.

Liiinoo · 18/10/2016 13:04

OMG! Someone does something thoughtful and kind for a bunch of little kids. They do it a discreet, unostentatious way and are criticised for it. Truly ridiculous.

scaryclown · 18/10/2016 13:09

Here's my verdict.

1.anony. mum imagined all the happy little faces.
2.sinister jealous other mums who didnt think of it have twisted it into a sinister controlling act of weirdness and financial dominance
3.all the kids are now unwitting pawns in a cycle of waves of popularity as other mums compete to anonymously swing smiley happy children to their corner with increasingly expensive and controlling presents..Many are falsely 'outed' as the sole controller but in fact all the mums are doing it

  1. the poorest, most shrew like, most christian mother is put into a wicker statue...
KittensWithWeapons · 18/10/2016 13:13

Nobody has attacked you, they've disagreed. You've fairly well attacked the anonymous parent though, calling them narcissistic (fucking eyeroll, totally agree with Bertrand re this), and suggesting that they're showing off, competing, and being manipulative. Oh, and the snide 'don't they have a job' comment.

Some people are just generous. Some people like doing kind things. I find it really sad that your life is so empty of kind people that you can't actually fathom someone doing something nice with no ulterior motive.

KoalaDownUnder · 18/10/2016 13:18

Someone give the OP a fucking creme egg.

middlings · 18/10/2016 13:23

What a lovely thing to do! And if it's anonymous then it's the very opposite of narcissistic.

I'm with Bertrand and Kittens.

Your opinion is the odd one OP.

SitsOnFence · 18/10/2016 13:24

I think it's a lovely, low-key act of kindness.

£45 is simply not a lot of money for some people. I think this parent just fancied making their child and his/her friends' day that little bit more special. I doubt much more thought than that went into it. Added points as they had the good sense to do it both anonymously and directly with the zoo (much more convenient for the teacher, I imagine).

Parents at DS and DD's school will sometimes send in batches of fairy cakes their DC has baked or bags of apples/etc from their garden to be shared out at home time. I don't think that is particularity weird or showy, and I can't see how this is much different really.

Clandestino · 18/10/2016 13:27

I'm suspicious I think that at some point the mum will 'accidentally' be identified and then praised even more!

So fucking what? What can that Mum get in return? Your firstborn? Your friendship? Honestly, with an attitude like yours, I'd rather get a slap in the face from you.
People who can't accept a lovely present for what it is and need to constantly look for some vile reasons behind it are normally those who'd never do anything nice for anybody unless they can benefit from it.
Try to look outside your narrow mind.

NeedATrim · 18/10/2016 13:27

Well, you sound like a real misery guts OP. Geez.

2kids2dogsnosense · 18/10/2016 13:30

To be so cynical, perhaps terrible things have happened to her??

I was also wondering what life experiences have made her distrust every altruistic gesture.

Most people are really kind, and if they can do a nice thing, they will.

It might be holding the bus door for you when they see you running to catch it, or it might be buying a class of kids a notebook and pencil.

Whatever the motive was, it made a lot of children very happy. "By their fruits shall ye know them". Nice "fruits" of kindness,here.

scaryclown · 18/10/2016 13:32

What if it wasn't a mum at all?

DorcasthePuffin · 18/10/2016 13:35

Do you know what, OP, I've now known the kids in my dd's class for a number of years. I've known them since they were cute wee nippers and I've really enjoyed watching them grow up. Many of them have been in my home; others I have got to know while helping with reading or on school trips. I'm really fond of (most of) them, and so doing something nice for them wouldn't just be a random act of kindness, it would be an affectionate gesture for people I know.

And as for how people found out, I'm sure there's no mystery. Presumably the teacher accompanied the children to the shop, and they told her.

Cherryskypie · 18/10/2016 13:36

Those narcissists are well known for random, anonymous acts of kindness.

Icallbullshit3 · 18/10/2016 13:41

I did it. It was me.

Not really, but I couldn't resist. I personally think it was a really nice thing to do though.... but realistically it could've been anyone. Might not have even been a mum.

MistressMerryWeather · 18/10/2016 13:42

Say this person is accidentally outted and praised further, why in your opinion would that be a bad thing.

Are you uncomfortable with seeing other people receive praise and compliments?

ItShouldHaveBeenJessMass · 18/10/2016 13:48

Pointless and narcissistic

Re: 'pointless': All the children had a little treat and were undoubtedly thrilled. Making kids happy is 'pointless'?

Re: 'narcissistic': might want to go back to the dictionary on that one. They are not usually known for thinking of others, and would certainly not have remained anonymous.

Perhaps the first mum to text was a good pal of Anonymous Mum and figured out it was her, as it is fairly typical behaviour, and thought it would be nice to acknowledge it. Or perhaps he/she had the decency to phone the school, thanking them for their child's gift, and the teachers explained it wasn't them but an unknown parent who had bought them?

It's a depressing read, to be honest. You sound envious and cynical. Do you ever do things for your child/children/partner/family without expecting praise and recognition for your actions? I'd hazard a guess that most folks, parents or not, put themselves out for others without expecting admiration and gratitude.

ItShouldHaveBeenJessMass · 18/10/2016 13:51

You pretty much accepted that someone had bought you child a treat and didn't consider to thank the giver, or try to find out who they were (lots of teachers pay for things like this out of their own pocket). Sorry, but YADBU.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/10/2016 13:51

I don't think you know what a narcissist is if you think this is narcissistic. Your interpretation of what generosity is, however.....

Why don't you (anonymously of course) just give the notebook and pencil to a charity shop? It's not doing you any good having it in the house as your analysis of whatever kind person gave it to your DC is 😳. Do you have a partner? What do they think of this?

Clandestino · 18/10/2016 13:55

I love visiting my favourite bakery from time to time and whenever I am there, I buy a chocolate cake and bring it to work for my colleagues. About once in a week. Or bake something on my own and bring it to work to share with my colleagues.
That makes me probably very nasty, narcissistic and looking for praise and favours in your eyes. In reality I just like my colleagues and enjoy it when they are pleasantly surprised to get a piece of a delicious cake.
I'd never expect them to like me more for the cake. Simple as that. No go and condemn me, OP.

WordWhirls · 18/10/2016 13:55

I'm with the OP. It is weird and showoffy. There was a parent in my daughters class who bought 6 children each a matching t shirt for sports day. Very domineering and just strange. School refused to give them out, mum had to give them out herself on the playground, I found it all excruciating and no, my child did not wear their t shirt, it went to the charity shop. So over the top and me me me!