Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is beyond weird!?

236 replies

FameNameGameLame · 18/10/2016 08:28

This is driving me nuts and I've NC to post. My DS went to the zoo with his class last week. Came home with lots of stories and a new pencil and notebook. They had a really fun day.

A bit later via the class group text a message comes in from a parent saying thanks to the mum who anonymously phoned the zoo and bought them all a souvenir pencil and book.

For the next multiple hours there are messages from mum after mum after mum thanking this anonymously gifter. Hmm

No one knows who it was. Then yesterday there was a note from the teacher saying thanks to the mum who anonymously did this.

AIBU to be weirded out by this. I mean, why do that? Why!!!

OP posts:
littlepeas · 18/10/2016 11:40

I am Shock at this thread. I can't believe that anyone could possibly interpret this act as anything other than downright nice. Sorry OP, but its you that's weird.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/10/2016 11:41

I've never heard anything like it. Anytime I see 'generosity', I understand it as seeking praise and recognition, but she gets nothing from this and unless like someone said she has zoo connections and discount it must have cost at least £1 each = £30. Why would anyone do that?

That's really sad. Do you know where you got that view from? It's not a healthy attitude - do you really look at everything in life and wonder what someone is getting out of it?

I'd be really careful that you're not passing that on to your son - and that if you got it from your own parents, you make sure they don't pass it on, either. You'll miss a lot of the happiness in life if you can't see a nice gesture for being just that. Sometimes it's nice to do something even if there's no reward. Infact, I think it's much more unusual to be the type of person who won't do anything unless they see the reward... that's a really calculating and cold way to live.

ShowMeTheElf · 18/10/2016 11:41

It's the anonymity that makes it so nice. No attempt to show off or be competitive. It's a shame that something so simply pleasant should be considered so strange.

Redglitter · 18/10/2016 11:41

SoupDragon possibly from the teacher? She maybe queried why her child had come home with goodies when they'd had no money with them

Drbint · 18/10/2016 11:43

I always see these 'gestures' as a showing off competition and it knocked me off balance. I just don't get it.

This is just so sad. Do you really not know anyone who is kind in your life? Do you always assume people are being nice to you for something they can get? And if so, why?

Someone once anonymously took my whole primary school to the pantomime. OK, a small school, but 50 kids, many of whom could never have gone otherwise. Never found out who it was.

Either you've been starved of generosity or you are excessively suspicious/cynical. God, I actually pity you that something this lovely can be made into a negative.

RainbowInACloud · 18/10/2016 11:54

I haven't done this but have done similar- we are pretty comfortable money wise but DD goes to a very mixed school. It sometimes breaks my heart to see kids that haven't been sent in with the money for activity/ a blue t shirt or whatever other random stuff school asks us for. I sometimes buy a few of the thing requested and just leave them with the teacher so they can be given to a child who needs them. I certainly wouldn't want praise for this. I haven't done it as a whole class thing though.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 18/10/2016 11:57

I'm suspicious I think that at some point the mum will 'accidentally' be identified and then praised even more! And so what if she is??

I know school mums like you who claim they're oh so nice and would do anything for anyone...as long as nobody does something selfless around them to 'show them up' they're happy. For some unknown reason they see others' acts of generosity or kindness as a slight on them and hate that someone else is getting some attention

tofutti · 18/10/2016 12:01

Doesn't she have a job or something to do?

Why are posting this? Don't you have a job or something to do?

MissClarke86 · 18/10/2016 12:04

If she'd not done it anonymously, people would have been saying she did it just for the glory.

StrawberryLime · 18/10/2016 12:11

Am I missing something? What's so weird? It's lovely that she bought a pencil for those on the trip! Random, but sometimes the best acts of kindness are. Smile
Unless you mean the saying thanks is weird? As that's really not, either. It's basic manners! Usually when one says thanks, you find others do too so sounds like that's happened here.
For example DS goes to Cubs, and they have a Facebook page which is really active, and post pics of them doing activities etc.
After one sleepover they had, where they'd updated pics etc, I said thank you for hosting it, he's had a great time!
Then others said "yes, thanks it was lovely!"
None were weird there either, I said thanks for a great time, others followed suit.
It's all manners and all nice - nothing wrong with appreciating people and being kind in my opinion! Makes the world a nicer place.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 18/10/2016 12:17

What I do think is weird is your attitude OP!

Someone does something nice for your child and rather than just sy thank you, you go on to slate them. Really??

Sometimes people just want to be nice.

StrawberryLime · 18/10/2016 12:26

Oh, and forgot to add - it's been driving you nuts since last WEEK?!
In the nicest possible way I can say, if this is true, you seriously need to get out more and find a distraction/hobby if people saying thank you drive you nuts and prey on your mind. Confused

Original poster
FameNameGameLame · 18/10/2016 12:31

Why am I being attacked? It's just not something I'm used to, it's something I've never had happened before. Fgs I'm only asking. I said I do like the different ideas about why, I'm just asking. Confused

OP posts:
Chinlo · 18/10/2016 12:33

Why am I being attacked?

You're not being attacked. People are saying that your attitude is shocking and sad. That's not an attack. Perhaps use this opportunity to consider why you feel this way.

pictish · 18/10/2016 12:35

You're not being attacked. Most of us simply don't think it's that weird.

tofutti · 18/10/2016 12:35

But you're not 'just asking' are you? You're being disingenuous.

You're inviting us to ridicule this woman, when you sarcastically ask doesn't she 'have a job to do or something'.

Original poster
FameNameGameLame · 18/10/2016 12:36

I got my answers. I do know that cynicism is an ugly trait and I glad NC before posting. I still don't understand it, I wouldn't have done it, but I can see it as a nice (but a bit pointless and narcissistic) thing to do. I'm not posting again this is just getting personal against me instead of staying on the topic.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 18/10/2016 12:37

You're not being attacked. You have said that you don't believe people are generous and kind with no ulterior motive Many people think that's sad, and will make you unhappy and hope you will rethink.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2016 12:40

Oh, God, the n-word.

If I could ban it, I would.

I would let people involved in mental health use it, obviously. I would ban it in it's popular meaning of "Somebody I don't like/understand"

PerspicaciaTick · 18/10/2016 12:41

pointless and narcissistic - you really do want to put the boot into this unknown person don't you?

dylsmimi · 18/10/2016 12:42

You aren't being attacked
You asked if we all thought it was beyond weird all but one said no it isn't its simply nice
Your comment about her not having a job was an attaxk on someone who has just done something nice for your child and their friends
You don't seem to want to believe that people can be nice without a reason - whether that is for 'recognition' or because of childhood history
People are saying to you to maybe look at why you don't believe that people can do nice things - no attacks

OhhBetty · 18/10/2016 12:44

Maybe you should have a spa day to get over the shock of the kindness?

Cloudhopping · 18/10/2016 12:46

What a great thing to do. I cannot think of one negative reason why someone would do this. Your child is benefiting from another parent's generosity. Sorry OP but the problem lies with you. YABU.

BrieAndChilli · 18/10/2016 12:48

I bet her child wasn't moaning about wanting to buy something from the gift shop so she paid for everyone to get something so no one felt left out???

clumsyduck · 18/10/2016 12:49

Maybe she thought it would be nice for all the kids to have a souvenir and knowing not all parents could stretch to sending spending money ensure no kids would miss out . Maybe she / he was the kid who missed out when they were young . Who knows . It would be weird if she made a big song and dance about it but she hasn't

Swipe left for the next trending thread