Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is beyond weird!?

236 replies

FameNameGameLame · 18/10/2016 08:28

This is driving me nuts and I've NC to post. My DS went to the zoo with his class last week. Came home with lots of stories and a new pencil and notebook. They had a really fun day.

A bit later via the class group text a message comes in from a parent saying thanks to the mum who anonymously phoned the zoo and bought them all a souvenir pencil and book.

For the next multiple hours there are messages from mum after mum after mum thanking this anonymously gifter. Hmm

No one knows who it was. Then yesterday there was a note from the teacher saying thanks to the mum who anonymously did this.

AIBU to be weirded out by this. I mean, why do that? Why!!!

OP posts:
ShesAStar · 18/10/2016 11:03

£30 isn't a lot of money to some people. Maybe she or he (could have been a DF) had a good day or some good news and thought it would be nice to treat the class to a treat. Sometimes on Chinese New Year a Chinese family in our school gift all the children with a red envelop that holds a lucky coin or a fortune cookie. Everyone I know thinks it's lovely, we all say thank you because it's such a lovely thing to do. How can you turn such a nice act into something so unpleasant?

ProseccoBitch · 18/10/2016 11:07

A bit later via the class group text a message comes in from a parent saying thanks to the mum who anonymously phoned the zoo and bought them all a souvenir pencil and book.

This is the bit that I find odd rather than the fact she did it, how did the parent who sent this first message know that one of the Mums had done this? Like you I would have assumed that the gifts were part of the trip package and if you didn't know otherwise then how did this parent?

KoalaDownUnder · 18/10/2016 11:10

Maybe the other parent made a comment to the teacher, who then said 'Oh no, actually that wasn't part of the package, it was an anonymous gift'?

Does it really matter, anyway?

Cherryskypie · 18/10/2016 11:10

I agree MrsFrumble

'Anytime I see 'generosity', I understand it as seeking praise and recognition, but she gets nothing from this'

That is so sad. You're shocked by someone doing a nice thing for the sake of it?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/10/2016 11:11

Anytime I see 'generosity', I understand it as seeking praise and recognition

I'm sorry - you sound like my MIL. Knows the price of everything and the value of nothing whilst twisting the kindest gesture into something bitter and cynical as she can't/won't do anything for anyone unless it is in her total self-interest. She's deeply suspicious of my parents who are just nice, normal people.

My MIL is a really damaged person and has damaged her DCs by being this way. I don't want to project but please think why you are reacting like this. It's not normal and this thread is actually giving me the shivers a bit.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 18/10/2016 11:11

It's just a nice thing to do! People do do them sometimes, you know.

When DS went on a school trip to Legoland, he came home with a couple of souvenirs (badge and something else...can't remember!) which I presume were factored in to the cost of the trip. If I'd later found out that a parent or teacher had bought them, then I would have thanked them...because it's just good manners to thank someone for a gift. So I don't get what's so weird about that!

Oh, and for people moaning about phones pinging when you get WhatsApp message, you do know that you can mute chats don't you? I do that with all group chats otherwise my phone would be constantly beeping!

dylsmimi · 18/10/2016 11:12

I would assume that the first mum had questioned the teacher about why their child had a souvenir and perhaps wasn't happy that it may have been part of the package
I have also not heard of souvenirs being included in school trip money so if ds had come home with a souvenir and I hadn't been asked to send money I would have queried where it came from. The teacher will have just said 'all the children had one - one of our parents phoned the zoo and arranged for them all to receive a notebook and pencil '

dylsmimi · 18/10/2016 11:13

At which point I would have thouhht 'oh isn't that lovely, how kind' and then for on with my day

Branleuse · 18/10/2016 11:14

Wow OP, youre really cynical arent you.

I think why she did it is because she is NICE. Being nice often means you do nice things for people, and she did it anonymously because she didnt want a fuss.

You should try out being nice. Im really surprised you cant just appreciate a gesture without being weirded out and suspicious about it, not to mention snarky and unpleasant.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2016 11:17

". Anytime I see 'generosity', I understand it as seeking praise and recognition, "

That is, actually, one of the most depressing things I've ever read in Mumsnet...............

Clandestino · 18/10/2016 11:19

First message was from a lovely mum - can't imagine her being manipulative.

What's manipulative about anonymously buying all kids a small present? I don't get it, seriously. You act like she was trying to extract some favours - she clearly isn't, because she didn't want to be named.
And chances are, she wanted to avoid weird looks and suspicious gossip about what favours she's trying to extract from her vile act, where there are certainly thousands of hidden nasty intentions behind it.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 18/10/2016 11:19

Try doing some kind things and notice how good it makes you feel. This post is so weird.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2016 11:19

Incidentally, this is exactly the sort of thing my late fil would have done. There was simply no money for treats when his children were little, and when he made money later in life he adored^ being generous, particularly to children. So sad to think that his gestures might have been misinterpreted in such a mean spirited way.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/10/2016 11:26

Actually - just thinking about this. Random charitable giving is also anonymous - eg putting into a tin at the shops. Is that also "weird" on the basis that the giver can't "seek praise and recognition"?

Chinlo · 18/10/2016 11:26

I don't think it's that weird. I think it's a nice gesture, and personally if I were to do that I'd prefer people not to know it was me either. It's nice being generous but people often react badly to that kind of thing and think that you're going to want something in return or are just doing it to make yourself look good. Also, some people are kind of shy and don't like people thanking them profusely to their face I guess.

Better to be anonymous. The kids get a treat and the buyer doesn't have to deal with any fallout.

Original poster
FameNameGameLame · 18/10/2016 11:27

Maybe I am cynical but I'm not the only person who is thinking this is odd on here. But I do see the majority see it as nice. I'm suspicious I think that at some point the mum will 'accidentally' be identified and then praised even more!
I like the idea that they were left out of the gift shop as a kid or something and wanted to make sure everyone got something. I could understand that as a motivation. But the anonymous thing just still makes me feel strange. I do understand what some people are saying.

OP posts:
NorbertDentressangle · 18/10/2016 11:28

I think it's a lovely thing to do.

(but then again you probably think I'm weird as when my DC went on a local outing with their year 6 class during their last week at the school I arranged with the teacher to meet them with ice creams for everyone. It went down really well and the teacher thought it was a great idea)

Supertrooperloopthelooper · 18/10/2016 11:30

I think it is lovely. The gifted wasn't the one going overboard with thanks, that was the other parents (well, probably not youWink) It is the kind of thing I would do if I had the money. Good to know people would actually think it is weird, not nice.
I think you are weird for thinking it weirdGrin

Chinlo · 18/10/2016 11:30

I've never heard anything like it. Anytime I see 'generosity', I understand it as seeking praise and recognition, but she gets nothing from this and unless like someone said she has zoo connections and discount it must have cost at least £1 each = £30. Why would anyone do that?

Wow, that is seriously tragic.

Why does anybody do anything nice if they don't get anything in return? OP, I think you need to try to change your outlook on life.

Optimist1 · 18/10/2016 11:32

When Anonymous Mum was a child she was taken to the zoo on a school trip. At the end of the visit the children were allowed to go into the gift shop. Sadly, AM's parents hadn't given her any pocket money for the trip and she remembers to this day how sad she felt. Being a kind soul, she decided to ensure that no-one in her child's class should suffer the same fate. That do you, OP? Given your outrage and suspicion I can well understand why the gesture was done anonymously - imagine how you'd react if you actually knew who the benefactor cuplrit was!

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2016 11:32

"Maybe I am cynical but I'm not the only person who is thinking this is odd on here."

You and one other, I think.

Cherryskypie · 18/10/2016 11:37

You really can't imagine why someone would do a nice thing without wanting something in return? Really?

SoupDragon · 18/10/2016 11:39

How did the first mother find out that it had been a mother who had anonymously phoned the zoo to arrange this?

Redglitter · 18/10/2016 11:39

What a very sad attitude to have.

I can't see how this can be seen as 'seeking praise & recognition' surely since its anon it's the very opposite. Presumably the teacher would have been told about the treat from the staff in the gift shop.

The fact the mum has not made it known who she is means she's clearly not wanting thanks. I hope she doesn't see this thread and the attitude of the OP

It was a lovely gesture I can't understand why the OP is making a drama out if it

DorcasthePuffin · 18/10/2016 11:40

I'm sorry, OP, but this is definitely your stuff. I think someone made a lovely gesture, and it's mystifying to me why it is bothering you so much.

I'm also slightly disturbed because I organised something for my kids' school recently - got a celebrity to visit - and I'm wondering if I'm getting comments like yours behind my back. I'm a WOHP and don't see the other parents much, so didn't expect or get glory, but I'd be pissed off if I found out I was being described as weird or glory-seeking. FFS, sometimes people just try to do something nice.