To not want to learn to drive

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I'm 33 and I have 4 children and my husband drives.

I have never wanted to learn to drive, my family have offered to buy my provisional, to teach me etc but I really don't want to, I've never had any interest in learning to drive.
I ride my bike if I want to go somewhere local, I have a trailer for shopping, if oh is working I use public transport if it's not riding distance (more than 15 miles or I need to get there quickly)

For some reason everyone thinks I need to learn to drive next year, I've had 4 offers of provisional license for Christmas/birthday

I know lots like me where I live who don't drive. We have everything we need within walking distance pretty much. Which isn't an accident. I deliberately live somewhere I don't need to drive. I can't remember the last time I accepted a lift from someone. I tend not to on the whole as I prefer to walk. Ikea is on the trainline here. The only thing I have trouble with is the dump. Dh does the dump trips. Or if I wanted to go to a farm park or something with no public transport. I find though, I just pick those that do have public transport. I've not had a situation where I've had a non walking dc to take to the Drs yet. It's not compulsory to drive. MIL used to go on and on about it. Then had an accident and stopped driving. She's stopped nagging me now.

"What about picking people up from airports or railway stations?"

There's usually public transport even to smaller airports. If someone came to see me at the two nearest airports, I could get there by bus. I can walk to the nearest train station. I do sometimes meet friends there, but if they know my city well, they're also capable of making their own way.

Being a driver just gives you more options.

I'll be a non driver tomorrow as I don't need my car tomorrow, and walk easily to where I need to go. Being able to drive doesn't stop you not driving, but being a non driver stops you driving.

You don't need to drive...but it can be helpful if you do. If you set up your life so you don't need a car, it can cause you to reject clubs that it's impossible to get in that time frame or jobs that are not easily reached after you have set your life up. You perhaps don't realise how often that occurs.

YABU. You should learn. Even if you learn then don't drive too much. I learnt at 30. But do get your license:

• you will become much more independent and can go anywhere you want without DH. Now I don't have to have him driving me around, I can go shopping (lidl and Aldi are not near us and he hates food shopping) whenever I want, and picking up the milk isn't an issue anymore like it was when I couldn't drive

• I can drive to see my parents whenever I want which I couldn't do before - after work, weekends etc

• most importantly, I could take a job at a large FTSE100 which is unfortunately based in a very suburban area with no real transport links near other suburbs because I got my license. Without it it would be a 90 min bus for what is a 20 min car journey and that wouldn't be doable everyday for me

• I can go more places easily and accept more invites without thinking "how do I get there?" Again, live in the suburbs, transport is slow and taxis aren't cheap. Now I drive I don't have to find excuses to not go to social things. Yes new roads still freak me out a bit but my google maps helps!

My husband drives but we still do all shopping online. Our nearest airport has a 24 hour bus service and I'd expect people to make their own way.

I consider learning to drive a life skill, like swimming.

However once you have the skill, you don't need to use it (except in emergencies) if you don't want to. But it is good to have it 'in your back pocket'

Not driving would severely limit the activities Me and my family could do. Walking ar travelling by bus would add hours into our day.
I buzz about a lot in the car though the day, delivering stuff, picking stuff up, trips to the post office with heavy items.
My DD dances 5 nights a week after school,. I pick her up from school, zoom home, quick meal then straight to dance. She couldn't get there in time by public transport. She also finished often at 9pm, it would be a dark cold journey home with a long walk at one end. I wouldn't want to go by bus to meet her. By car I can pick her up and she can arrive home, asfe and warm.
I am a carer for my elderly mother. She has a pensioner's coffee club twice a week, and struggles with public transport. So I drive her there and back, I also take her to various medical appointments ( of which there are many). I pick up her friends ( also frail and elderly) to visit, and take my mother to visit them. She couldn't afford taxis for all these trips.
Her world, my world and my DDs world are enhanced because I drive. I even take my DS to work sometimes if it is raining ( a crime I know).

I have a friend who doesn't drive.

TBH we aren't really friends anymore and this is partially because of her inability to drive.

She lives a 10/15 min drive away but it takes her 2 busses and over an hour so she never visits me.

She can never meet up somewhere without public transport unless I taxi her.

It's a pain and she doesn't seem to get how much her choice inconveniences other people around her.

Gwenhwyfar Yes they could get the bus from the airport, but being able to meet someone there and give them a lift is a welcoming thing to do.
My relatives came to visit from New Zealand. They flew to London, then another flight to get to the city I live. By the time they arrived they were exhausted. Asking them to then travel for another 90 minutes by public transport then a 10 minute walk to my home would have been unpleasant.
Far nicer to be picked up from the airport and home straight to the door in 20 minutes. by car.

Gwenhwyfar I kind of think you have missed the point I was trying to make. We bought our house in the village we live in because we both drive. If one or neither of us drove we would live somewhere with more accessible amenities. Given that we would both hate to live in town we are happy to drive when we can't use public transport.

It still doesn't change the fact that we wouldn't be able to visit MIL without a car because she lives in the arse end of nowhere.

I know a number of elderly women who never learned to drive and, since being widowed, have become virtual recluses. They became very dependent on driving husbands... it sort of crept up in them as the years passed. If you'd asked them if driving was important when their children were small, they'd have said no. Now they tell me they bitterly regret not learning, my own mother included.

My mother too nightsky. Always relied on my father to drive. Struggled after he died, regrets not learning.

I really understand that plenty of people prefer not to drive somewhere and manage absolutely fine walking, cycling or public transport.

What I really don't understand is the idea that it's preferable to be UNABLE to drive and limit your options. Learn to drive op, I can't imagine you will every say 'I wish I couldn't drive '.

I very much hope my children won't ever want to drive either - if they do want to learn, they will have to fund it themselves and face my disapproval which I hope will be enough to prevent them from doing so.

Wow! You would really discourage your children from learning a very useful life skill, thus limiting their employment options one day? Many employers require you to have a full driving license, even ones where driving isn't necessarily an integral part of the job.

OP, I've only flicked through the first page....it's wonderful you don't seem to want to rely on a car. Truly it is, but I want to tell you how wonderful driving has been for me, it makes life incredible easy, in the sense that shopping isn't a day trip, but a 10 minute drive to the supermarket of my choice. When my daughter is sent home from school, it's a 4 minute drive instead of an hour round trek, I don't wake up dreading that it may be wet outside. I doubt that any of these things bother you, as you sound perfectly able to take it all in your stride...but being able to drive is quite wonderful, I've had my license just over a week, and I feel so happy that I can drive myself to London if I want to (I won't, I'm not that brave!)

Whichever way, I hope you are happy. I always quite fancied myself as the kind of lady who would jump on a bike and face the daily errands on cycle!

*month, not week!

Gwenhwyfar Yes they could get the bus from the airport, but being able to meet someone there and give them a lift is a welcoming thing to do

Spending thousands of pounds on a car, lessons, tax and insurance on the off chance someone would want 'welcoming' at an airport isn't the most convincing argument I've heard.

Every single person on this thread who doesn't drive, has explained how they 'get by' and 'make do', in what seems like a very narrow and limited way without a car.

Every example given has only made me feel more relieved that we both drive. And more convinced that non-drivers don't understand what they're missing out on, and how if they need the convenience of a car, they need to depend on others.

It's definitely not easier or more convenient not to be able to drive.

All very well saying it's the OP's choice, but that choice impacts on others. To the extent that family and friends are clearly dropping very heavy hints that she should learn.

Cuntess by the same token, I could point to car drivers who use their car for a two minute journey to the shop, can't read a bus timetable or plan a rail journey or can't walk a few metres without getting out of breath. Not to mention clogging up the roads with cars and neck out pollutants rather than walking or taking public transport when practical. Those choices impact on all of us too.

As I said, I do drive and own a car, but try to walk, cycle or use public transport where possible. I have had fairly lengthy periods without a car too, I didn't feel my life was somehow limited and magic horizons didn't emerge in front of me when I acquired my current set of wheels. It comes down to personal preference I guess but I didn't and don't feel my personal freedom and ability to live a full life is tied to a car logbook and string backed driving gloves.

Dylan - I catch the bus to work every day, and clock up on average 12-15K steps a day. Virtually the only time I get into the car is at the weekend, when I wouldn't be without it.

I'm not advocating people become useless, and give up on their legs altogether.

But no-one's life was made easier by not being able to drive.

LikeDylanInTheMovies good grief, becoming a driver doesn't render you incabable of using your legs- or riding a bike. Most drivers, like yourself do these things too. As you say you walk a lot , but you still use your car. Your options are increased because you can drive.

And the airport thing- that is not the sole reason I quoted for finding a car useful, read through my posts before you use that single example.
It is one of many. Getting my elderly disabled mother around, allowing my DD my DD the opportunity to follow extra curricular activity to a high level, enabling me to work from home and financially support my family, pick up a sick child from school if they are ill, take animals to the vet, go to the gym,transport bulky items to the home, DIY supplies, paint etc. Buy heavy food from any shop I choose, including ALDI/LIDL, giving family members lifts and many other journeys.

As for the thousands- no my car costs me very little to run. £8 a month in insurance, zero tax. £40 in petrol. The car cost me £700 four years ago. Low maintainance cots too.
It would take only a couple of taxi fares in a month to equal what it costs me to run my car.

LikeDylanInTheMovies good grief, becoming a driver doesn't render you incabable of using your legs- or riding a bike. Most drivers, like yourself do these things too

I realise this. But it was in response to Countess's point that non drivers lived limited lives in some respect. That may be true of all non-drivers, certainly not true for mostt drivers I know and certainly wasn't for me when I didn't own a car. Nor did my world go from monochrome to colour. There's also the uncomfortable truth that our choice has profound impact on the environment and if all the non drivers decided to learn to drive and bought cars the roads would be absolute deadlock.

I pointed out at the other end of the spectrum there are drive everywhere types whose lives are equally limited as the caricature of the non-driver presented. I know this isn't true of all motorists or even a majority, but theyare out there.

I can't quite agree that driving is a skill that you can learn to pass the test & then not bother with until you need it in an emergency. It didn't work like that in my experience. I learned to drive as a teenager but never did since moving to a city with good bus & train networks. I am now 30, DP drives, and I am too nervous to drive our car. When I've tried it hasn't gone well. DP & friends & family who drive cannot see what the problem is, because they think that as i've passed my test then that should be it, because they have no concept of not driving. It is frustrating for them I suppose, particularly DP as we cannot share the driving on long trips and I feel guilty about that. But I always propose going by public transport & he insists we should drive so it's not like options aren't there.

Like others on this thread, I cycle & am very good at navigating public transport. I also walk a lot. I think that's also a skill that's overlooked. The amount of people I encounter who can't competently buy a ticket for a train & then get on the correct platform, or walk a mile to get somewhere, is astonishing.

OccasionalNachos As I posted further up this thread, I used to be very like you. I passed my test at 21 and then had no need to drive for several years, DH did all the driving. I too became very nervous and, not surprisingly, every time I did try I made silly errors and that made me even worse. It got to the point where I was almost too afraid to move the car in the car park when we were blocking someone in.

Eventually I decided I had to do something about it so, feeling very foolish, I approached a driving instructor to explain the problem. I found that this is a very common situation and he said he often gave refresher lessons to people like me. He predicted it would only take me 4 lessons to get going again - 3 in his driving school car and one in our own car with him sitting beside me. And so it was, but after I got driving again I had to then keep practicing.

That feels like a long time ago. It is actually. But I honestly can't imagine how I would have managed in the years since then if I hadn't sorted this out.

Like you I also walk plenty, until recently I had a job which I could walk too and I walk for pleasure. I have no problems managing on public transport. But there is so much I couldn't do without a car. It gives you more options.

Do consider the refresher lessons.

Refresher lessons are brilliant. Sometimes you just need someone to give you the confidence again.

And also, re driving at all:
When I didn't have my car, one of my work friends often drove me home if we were finishing at the same time. It was super sweet of him and we probably ended up getting to know each other better than we would have otherwise. I always knew it was an inconvenience for him, though. When I finally got mine, it was just SO GOOD to get to return the favour when he needed a drive to collect his car from the garage. I felt like it wasn't all take, take, take.