To not want to learn to drive

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I'm 33 and I have 4 children and my husband drives.

I have never wanted to learn to drive, my family have offered to buy my provisional, to teach me etc but I really don't want to, I've never had any interest in learning to drive.
I ride my bike if I want to go somewhere local, I have a trailer for shopping, if oh is working I use public transport if it's not riding distance (more than 15 miles or I need to get there quickly)

For some reason everyone thinks I need to learn to drive next year, I've had 4 offers of provisional license for Christmas/birthday

I passed my test three years ago.

It was one of the best things I have ever done, simply because it opened up my options job wise and I like the security of being able to drive.

However, I do not drive very often at all and dh happily does 99% of it. I will drive on the odd occasion but I cycle or walk most of the time. I don't much like driving, so many pricks on the road that can make it nerve wracking at times (today I drove and a prick overtook two people on a roundabout, didn't look and nearly hit me and others)

I love that I can drive but I managed perfectly well for years with five children not driving and if I couldn't afford to run my car I would manage just fine again.

I don't drive. I had a terrible experience on my test and lost all confidence. Too long a story. But because of it I've had to think a lot about how to compensate for it. My partner doesn't drive either - he can, just doesn't like it. Probably because of all this I'm a keen cyclist and recreational mountain bikers. I'm pretty fit (physcially ;-) I've discovered a whole world of activism around pushing for better public transport infrastructure. I've never expected people to drive me places. I've taken whole groups of kids to places on trains and buses. It's perfectly doable. There's definitely a few things I miss out on, but it's not the end of the world. Also, with the money saved, I just put an 'equivalent' amount by to spend on taxis to places for treats.

My mum never drove in this country and she was a single parent.

If me and my brother wanted to go to different places we got on the bus and went ourselves as teenagers. I was already taking 2 buses to school and my mum worked so after school activities etc she wouldn't have been around even if sge did drive.
We did all sorts of activities. Got on the bus to get there. Regular outings on the train etc.

It didn't limit us.

Now days with uber it takes 4 mins for a cab to come in an emergency.

Needing to drive very much depends on where you live. I have always lived in places where the very limited public transport stops at 18.30 every day - except Sundays when it doesn't exist at all. I learned to drive at 17 and was fortunate enough to be able to borrow either DBros or DFs car most of the time. I caught the bus to school and had a bike for getting to anything relatively locally when a car wasn't available. My DM never learned to drive so growing up we only went where we could get to on the bus in the school holidays.

In considering whether driving is a necessary skill (which clearly at the moment OP you don't think it is) then you need to think about how you would manage if your circumstances changed in the future. Eg change of job, loss of DH, needing to move, caring responsibilities. If you feel that any of those things would be manageable without the need to drive, then fine, don't learn. If however you think a change in circumstances might leave you stranded if you can't drive, then accept the offer and learn now - the younger you are the fewer lessons you need.

I know many women who have come unstuck after relying on husbands to drive them around -and that includes ones who were happy to use public transport or walk during the working day when DH wasn't available to them. However, when they experienced the sudden and unexpected loss of said husbands they were stranded. One of them learned to drive at the age of 57 after being widowed, but was never a confident driver so only uses the car when absolutely necessary and not for long distances.

I had to learn when I became a single parent in my late 20s,kids now teens.I have to drive,but hate it, and honestly am a crap driver.Delighted I now have a job in my small town so I can walk.
When kids are adults am going to move to a city and hopefully never drive again.

I grew up in a rural area and my parents insisted we learnt to drive - no public transport, can't safely walk all the way home. I failed more than once and by the time I passed on my 4th attempt, I was living away from home and couldn't afford to run a car, so I mostly didn't drive for 7 years. It wasn't till I had a car and was driving a minimum 45 minutes each way commute that I got enough practice to feel confident about driving and sufficiently relaxed about it that I sometimes actually enjoyed it.

It's meant I have a wider range of places to live, because I don't have to be close to public transport links (though actually I am.) I have a wider range of potential employers, because I am not reliant on public transport routes. I don't have to rely on other people when I want to go to the garden centre or similar. I still need to hire a van if I want a new Billy bookcase from Ikea, because my car isn't big. But I can hire a van. It was very usefull when each of my parents were terminally ill and when we had to clear our childhood home.

I also chose not to use my car sometimes and walk or take the train instead (have totally list my nerve for cycling, though.) I have the choice.

A cousin didn't learn to drive till she was in her 50s and moving out of London. She didn't need it there.

It's a useful skill, particularly if you end up on your own. It means you have the choice - I don't have to drive, but I can if I want. If you ever wanted to live away from decent public transport, it's more of a necessity than a luxury. But if you don't drive, your life is adapted to that, so it's not a necessity. But it can be useful.

Interesting that all the people who passed their test later in life say it was the best thing they ever did.

I catch the bus sometimes with DC, and we even walk places too! But we also take the car. It enables us to a). go wherever we want and b). go much further afield.

We have amenities within walking distance, but there's a whole city / town belt / selection of beaches and other outdoors stuff out there. We'd be stifled if we only really used the close by options day after day. And trudging to the bus stop in waterproof gear is not an adventure! At least not once the novelty's well and truly worn off.

It's the people coming on to say how they thought they were fine - until they learnt the drive themselves and finally realised - that make the most sense. They've been on both sides of it.

I have four dc and can't drive. The absolute only reason is financial. Catching the bus everywhere with four children is plain awful. It's your life but can't understand not wanting to drive

I have sort of been on both sides of this.

I passed my test at 21 but didn't have a car for years and didn't need one. My first job was within walking distance of where I lived. Then I met and married DH who drove and owned a car. He worked at the same place as me so, even when our company relocated, I still didn't need to drive. Over time I got so out of practice and nervous of being behind a wheel that I virtually became a non-driver.

Eventually I overcame my nervousness and, in my late 20s, took refresher lessons. Almost immediately after that DH got seconded to another part of the country so I had to start driving myself to get to work.

Since then we have both changed jobs several times; had DC; indulged in different leisure activities and had family situations where I would have been completely stuffed if I couldn't drive myself.

Maybe look to the future a bit. At 33 you are still young and cycling everywhere is fine. But what if you lose your job and have to get another one further away? Will you still be happy cycling everywhere in a couple of decades or more?

Couldn't you get a taxi fleur?

If you don't want to learn,it's obviously not for you. You shouldn't be forced to have lessons as it'll be pointless. You won't pass if your heart isn't in it.

I cba to scroll back but didn't Fleur say no cabs due to football?

Similarly,,a friend with a multiple fracture in his leg had to wait hours for an ambulance because he wasn't priority. Car not a factor as no one would have physically moved him...but maybe if it had taken any longer we'd have had to risk it. As it was we realised afterwards he'd have been better passing out from pain, the fact he was conscious put him lower on the list. But to assume ambulabces are easy to get, er, not always, wonderful service but under staffed and possibly over used.

Interesting op has not been back.

Cross post with violet
I didn't put my heart into my driving test but I passed! It's not a task that demands much from your heart...

I dont drive, not because I dont want to but because I am partially sighted and not allowed to. I would love to drive and cant understand why my friends who are allowed to drive dont want to....however I am 42 and have managed to get around without much help, I take buses, trains etc and just get on with it. yes its a pain and yes there have been times when I have had to ask for a lift but people can manage without cars you know.

I do worry how I will manage when your 3yr old is older and needs lifts but we will cope with it as there is nothing i can do about it.

So if the lady doenst want to drive then good for her, there may be a time when she finds she doesnt want to learn but its up to her to decide on that time.

Spookybitch Yes you are right about assumptions - that everyone has plentiful public transport or has everything within a half hour walk of where they live.

"My DP doesn't drive and it really pisses me off. Every time something has to be picked up from the shop or actually pretty much anything outside of the house I have to go! He is from a town with fantastic public transport so never had to learn. It worries me than when we have children there will only be one driver in the house"

This happened to one of my friends. She had to ring for her mum in the middle of the night when she went into labour and she was in no fit state to drive. She also had to get her small child out of bed in the middle of the night when her husband (STBX) got called out so that she could drive him. It never occurred to either of them to get a taxi.

Basically we both drive because we have a lifestyle that requires it - family living in isolated parts of the country, where we choose to live and work and where we like to holiday. When I lived and worked in London I didn't drive, and if I lived there again I would get rid of the car and just hire one for holidays (because we like to visit places that are off the beaten track and don't have regular public transport).

What it all boils down to really is
Do you not want to drive?
or
Do you not need to drive?

If your husband is happy to do all the driving and you don't need to then don't bother. The roads are crowded enough anyway.

Unless next choice, i.e medical reasons, it's very selfish to expect one adult to do all the driving.

What happens if they leave, have their licence revoked etc?

I didn't drive for 6 years between living in Canada and then being broke and wanting a nice car that I would buy outright instead of getting finance for. I didn't miss it. I got public transport, walked, got deliveries, got lifts etc. I was even a bit reluctant to get back behind the wheel and envisaged sticking with the bus.

HOWEVER, now that I have a car and am back driving, I love it. I love the convenience, the independence, and the saved time. It's great to not be restricted to the shops I can walk to, or to have to hope that someone else will be going to the same event as me. I get to say yes more. It's not like I don't walk or take the train etc now, but it's definitely given me more freedom and more time. I didn't really realise how much I'd like it until I did it again.

In your position I think I'd learn, even if I didn't plan to use it. Even as an insurance policy - if OH was injured or not there, you'd still be in a position to travel independently with the kids etc. It's a good life skill.

I think bubbly has highlighted the difference between drivers and non drivers. Until you have a car you don't realise how much you have missed out on.

Anyone who says that being able to drive doesn't increase your independence must have a very narrow outlook.

In a previous post I stated that I didn't know the area I used to live in as well as I should because I only knew where I could walk to or get to by public transport. That must hold true now.

And having been a non driver and then a driver, I wouldn't go back to not driving unless it was for medical reasons.

I didn't learn until my 40s - it has improved my life - if DH was away getting to certain things would either take hours or a small fortune (or both) - now are short car journeys.

I have a new job I couldn't get to by public transport (and would take so long it wouldn't be worth going)

I do enjoy car free days and try not to use it on those (and to save money)

Am looking forward to taking DD away camping Next year as DH won't go and I couldn't go without!

Aeroflot Do NOT give up learning.

Everybody can learn to drive. Disabilities aside, if you are physically capable of operating a car, you can learn.

Yes you may be nervous as hell to begin with, yes it may take you 3x times as long and you may have to put 10x the effort in, but who cares?

Find a good instructor and persevere. Yes money is an issue, it is not cheap to learn, but if you have the means, do really carry on.

If you give up, you are only guaranteeing one outcome - that you can't drive.

Anyone remember THIS story some years ago? Woman took 27 YEARS to pass.

She had 450 hours of lessons, 12 tests (and cancelled 35 tests AND had 50 mock tests!), went through 20 driving instructors and spent £15000. But she never stopped and passed at 62.

This may also help HERE.

It is annoying to be the only driver in a relationship and never having the option not to drive. Also I don't understand why anyone would want to be the little woman who gets ferried about by her husband. I think you'd be doing your family an enormous favour by taking them up on their kind offer.

It's not so much for now. It's more for later in your life. It's why I've learned even though I did not really want to or need to. I live in an area with excellent public transport, and my husband drives. However, there may be a time when it's just me on my own, or when we no longer live in an area with such good public transport. I also wanted to be independent and not have to ask my husband to drive me everywhere any time I wanted to go somewhere. He's also away quite a bit so it's not even always possible!

I also looked at my gran, who's 82 and has never driven. Her husband drives. This means she is subject to getting into the car with him behind the wheel when he has technically drunk too much to drive. He is also older than her and in much worse health. She is quite mobile but I don't think she could manage to walk to do the weekly shop (and more importantly walk back again with all the stuff!). One of her sons lives in Ireland. Another one lives in NZ. My dad lives 40 minutes' drive away. Is it really fair for his life to be tied to my gran if her husband dies before she does? And would she really enjoy being so dependent on him? I doubt it.

I saw all of this and knew I did not want it for myself. I was too scared to learn to drive initially and for so long have not needed it. But I got my licence 18 months ago and am so glad I did.

I never wanted to learn to drive and then I suddenly decided that I didn't want to rely on people anymore so I took the plunge and it scared the crap of me but after ahem many tests I finally passed at the grand old age of 37. I have my own car and for the first time ever an amazing sense of independence and I actually feel like a proper grown up and I feel that my kids get to experience things that we wouldn't have been able to do without me being able to drive. I'd go for it if people are offering to help.

Spookybitch Yes you are right about assumptions - that everyone has plentiful public transport or has everything within a half hour walk of where they live.

Who on this thread has suggested that? Certainly not me. I was just pointing out that some of us have arranged our lives in such a way that a car is not necessary. I don't drive, I don't get "ferried about" (interesting how that phrase gets rolled out!) and I never, ever ask for lifts.

I take it dcs cant go to clubs that can't be walked to or friends houses? I have 4 dc, im in th car alot. I couldnt manage without it. I dont like it though.