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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave his clothes on the bathroom floor...?

78 replies

Jemimapyjamas · 17/10/2016 18:21

DH is messy. I am not. DH doesn't think he is messy, and also seems to think the mess he makes is due to how busy he is (I don't buy this, it takes 5 seconds to put a cup in the dishwasher for example.) I work part time and hence to pretty much all the domestic day to day stuff, which to an extent I don't mind however I am finding myself increasingly irritated by this...
DH has a shower and leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor. Every single time. The laundry basket is next door to the bathroom, in the bedroom. We don't live in a mansion so its not far! I have asked him to put it in the laundry and I will then wash, dry and put it away. I tidy up after DS and think that DH should be a bit more considerate (tbh he doesn't have the attitude that its MY job as much as he is just oblivious as it's not something that would bother him) and putting something in the laundry isn't a big ask to help keep things tidier.
So I have been leaving it there, just where he left it. There is getting to be a reasonable pile, it has been since Friday. And I am not going to move it and hope the message will finally sink in.
AIBU?

OP posts:

NoFuchsGiven · 18/10/2016 09:45

I haven't read the full thread but your op reminded me of this

RawPrawn · 18/10/2016 09:46

Time you got angry, OP. Enough with the 'cuh, men, eh?!' stuff.

He's treating you like a fucking skivvy, and you know it.

BitOutOfPractice · 18/10/2016 09:53

So what are you going to do about it op? Apart from passive aggressively give hm dirty looks and leaving his clothes to holder?

He needs to buck his ideas up pronto. If he lived with me he'd be in no doubt about why disrespecting me was a "big deal". Not that he would live with me because I would never give space to such a man child in the first place.

Why aren't you raging about this and what it says about your relationship ?

mum2Bomg · 18/10/2016 09:56

Going out on a limb here but I just cannot be arsed to get stressed out about stuff like this. Just a point but you're the one getting stressed and unhappy and your leaving his stuff on the floor isn't bothering him at all. If it's so easy to put stuff in the basket isn't it equally easy for you to pick it up and wash it? Just saying...

My DSIL gets wound up about stuff like this all the time and, in my view, it simply is not worth it. You're interpreting this as a lack of respect, which it may be but more likely is not at all.

mum2Bomg · 18/10/2016 09:58

Just to add, no one is making you do the washing. If I don't want to do it or want to just do my own, then I do. But if I'm happy doing it, I'll just do it. Simples.

Original poster

Jemimapyjamas · 18/10/2016 12:22

HE HAS MOVED THE CLOTHES! THEY ARE IN THE WASHING MACHINE!

Using a logic that makes no sense to me, he thought that the laundry was kept in the laundry bin thing we have in the cellar rather than the bag I have in the bedroom. So has put the stuff (that smells of damp, I have not used that one in months, and god knows why it is in the cellar) that was in the cellar one in the washing machine too. We have recently moved house, well May, and things that don't have a proper home, like the old laundry bin, are currently in the cellar (which is tanked up like a proper room but is still, currently, a cellar even if it is a nice one as cellars go!

OP posts:

JellyBelli · 18/10/2016 12:26

OP, he is the one making a big deal. Not you.
Tell him there is literally no difference between leaving dishes or clothing in one place or another, he is deliberately choosing not to put things in the right place. Its just as easy to put clothes in the hamper as on the floor.
Keeo up the good work and dont let him backslide.

Hillfarmer · 18/10/2016 12:59

Ooh has he turned the washing machine on as well?

BitOutOfPractice · 18/10/2016 13:01

You are telling me that he is claiming not to know where the laundry basket is? After six months? .

Have you any idea how pathetic that makes him sound?

Honestly, how do men like this ever get laid still exist?

MissHemsworth · 18/10/2016 13:23

Omg OP I feel your pain! My DH likes to leave all of his worn clothes stuffed down his side of the bed. He builds up quite a collection so by the time he leaves for the week Monday (he's away mon- fri) I've got a few new loads of washing to do that I didn't know about.

LilaTheLion · 18/10/2016 13:35

My boyfriend sent me this and asked when we could get a new magic coffee table, as ours doesn't seem to work any more

AdoraBell · 18/10/2016 14:41

at magic coffee table.

KickAssAngel · 18/10/2016 14:57

Lila - perhaps it's your boyfriend. He needs to provide the magic coffee table. Tell him that.

liquidrevolution · 18/10/2016 16:08

He thought the ideal place you had chosen for the dirty laundry was in the cellar

What an absolute prawn.

Scarydinosaurs · 18/10/2016 16:20

What a div.

He didn't know because he didn't care.

Did you point out the washing basket's rightful place to him?

Zaphodsotherhead · 18/10/2016 16:38

Where did I go wrong, then?

My XH used to drop his work shirts (one clean every day, washed and ironed by me while I was SAHM) on the bedroom floor. I would pick them up (after asking him to and being ignored) and wash them. One day I decided that he should master the laundry basket in the bedroom, and stopped picking them up and washing them. In the end he ran out of shirts, had a MASSIVE strop, telling me I was a lazy slut etc, who did nothing (except raise his five kids and all the housework), and I had ALL the shirts to wash and iron in one go, instead of one a day.

He wouldn't change. He didn't see why he should change, when he could browbeat me into doing everything. He also used to leave his plates/cups etc on the floor, never washed up or cooked or anything. I tried, I really did try to teach him, but he genuinely thought it was my 'job'.

So you can't always change them. If they don't want to, then they just won't. Good luck, OP.

notinagreatplace · 18/10/2016 16:56

Where did I go wrong, then?

By marrying and having five children with someone who genuinely thought all of this was your job?

My DH and I have split housework 50:50 from the very start - before we moved in together, we had a conversation about which of us was going to do what chores, we stuck to that and we re-evaluate it periodically. If I had had any sense that he thought it was all my job because I am female, I would not have married him. This was a priority for me. I gather, from mumsnet, that lots of women do not prioritise it in the same way.

graphista · 18/10/2016 17:33

Mum2bomg what do you think you are teaching your kids?! They will see you giving in to the lazy article and think

If they're girls they are worth little more than slaves
If they are boys that all women are supposed to pick up after their lazy arses!

mum2Bomg · 18/10/2016 21:12

Nope they'll take responsibility for their feeling and if they decide to do something, do it happily instead of whinging about washing or attributing a lack of respect to others. Seriously, there are so many more important things to worry about. Why can't couples help each other out? He does stuff I've forgotten or done wrong and I do kind things for him.

KickAssAngel · 19/10/2016 00:00

Mum2 if you & a partner both take equal responsibility in doing the daily grind and support each other, it doesn't matter too much. But picking someone's dirty laundry off the floor is a really servile act - like cleaning the toilet after them. We do it for young kids because they can't, but we should only be doing it for other adults if it's a mutually supportive relationship. Knowingly making someone do this for you over and over again, when asked not to, is like forcing them to kneel down and kiss your hand - an act of obeisance rather than just cleaning up. Leaving your own dirty laundry/dishes everywhere is like marking your territory, and putting the little woman in her place at the same time.

Trumpity · 19/10/2016 00:18

Notinagreatplace.... my ex husband displayed no indication that he was a lazy twat before we were married / had children.
He ended up typical of all the bad examples in this thread.
We are halfway through our divorce.

kissingJustForPractice · 19/10/2016 00:20

notinagreatplace I am so with you. My husband, gasp, puts washing in the basket, washes clothes without being prompted, does all the washing up, gets up and makes the packed lunches in the morning, works the same part time hours as me and without being asked today has washed the bathroom floors, emptied all the bins, dusted and hoovered half of the house because we have visitors arriving tomorrow. Men are perfectly capable.

graphista · 19/10/2016 07:32

Well said kickass

Hillfarmer · 19/10/2016 17:25

Where did I go wrong, then?

By marrying and having five children with someone who genuinely thought all of this was your job?

Give her some credit for divorcing the fucker notinagreat!

BlueberryMuffins76 · 20/10/2016 08:03

I also follow the "if it's not in the basket it doesn't get washed" rule. My DP leaves piles of clothes wherever they have been taken off - usually bedroom, en suite or bathroom. The other day there was no clean underwear surprisingly enough and a shout came from upstairs "I wish you'd stop trying to teach me a lesson"

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