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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit sick of constantlyse reading about how awful teenage boys are?

189 replies

lostoldlogin2 · 17/10/2016 13:01

Recently it seems to be a constant theme that girls need to effectively be protected from teenage boys.....and the comments are sweeping. The suggestion seems to be that boys are constantly being terribly sexually aggressive to girls. I teach in Spain. Now I teach primary but before I was teaching secondary.....and this really wasn't a theme.....barely happened at all...the kids just got on with life and did all the normal boyfriend/girlfriend type stuff in an age appropriate way....talk of groups of 15 year old boys holding down girls and touching them, "hounding " girls for sex, grabbing their breasts and vulva in the school corridors?????? Never saw it.....and if it had happened it would have been seriously shocking. I do not know....it seems as if boys are being painted as monsters. I have a son and another son in the way.....it makes me sad to hear the constant vilification of male CHILDREN.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostoldlogin2 · 17/10/2016 20:38

ok so here it is.....

Mothers of teenage boys who have commented that their son hasn't been sexually aggressive- can I ask how can you be so sure?

switch that around to Mothers of teenage girls who commented that their daughter has been sexually assaulted - can I ask how you can be so sure?

Before everyone jumps on me about "I believe you" I am not saying that we should ever discredit a girl reporting a sexual assault. What I AM saying is that the fact that mothers who have said that their sons are not sexually aggressive are being questioned - as if the default position is that they would be - is not OK either.

OP posts:
CozyAutumn · 17/10/2016 20:42

Mothers of teenage boys who have commented that their son hasn't been sexually aggressive- can I ask how can you be so sure?

Here is an example right here JelliBelli- posted 3 minutes after you asked this question. This above post implies that teenage boys are sexually aggressive and that mother of boys shouldn't be so sure about their sons not being sexually aggressive. Depressing.

Original poster
lostoldlogin2 · 17/10/2016 20:45

cross post CozyAutumn

OP posts:
Lighthouseturquoise · 17/10/2016 20:47

I've got two sons and I've genuinely never seen anyone vilify teenage boys on mumsnet.

All I've seen is women speaking about women's issues.

I'm sure there are opportunities for men to discuss men's issues.

It's funny you should post this in light of recent events in the media.

Lighthouseturquoise · 17/10/2016 20:50

Isn't it obvious why?

I've been raped, sexually assaulted and harassed throughout my life starting from my teens.

I'm sure that the mothers (and wives) of all the men involved were certain that their darling sons were the perfect gentlemen.

Women don't go around raping men so that's not a concern.

JellyBelli · 17/10/2016 20:54

CozyAutumn
My post is on the first page of this thread and everyone can read it, and compare it to your version.

SirChenjin · 17/10/2016 20:55

I was bullied horribly by teenage girls at school - I know many others who were too. Funnily enough, I am able to separate girls who bully from girls generally.

JellyBelli · 17/10/2016 20:58

....talk of groups of 15 year old boys holding down girls and touching them, "hounding " girls for sex, grabbing their breasts and vulva in the school corridors?????? Never saw it.....

Lucky for you that you've never had to feal with it.
For people that have had to deal with it, they will talk about it whether you approve of it or not. Even if you label that talk as hatred of men, and vilification of all teenage boys.

If you need a trigger warning, you are on the wrong forum.

RebelRogue · 17/10/2016 21:16

When it happened to me(13) it was not in front of my teachers. Hell my teachers still don't definitely know. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It also doesn't mean that all boys/men are the same or future rapists.
Dd went for a playdate a while ago. The boy took her behind the shed to kiss her and tickle her. He was asking his mum the night before if they could be left alone because he wants to kiss her and hug her cause she tastes yummy. He also told dd she is his gf because he said so. He told other boys to kiss dd too. You should've seen how proud his mum was and how endearingly funny all this is. They are fucking 4!!!

Follyfoot · 17/10/2016 21:21

I don't think that every boy she meets is going to sexually assault or harass her. But I have to accept that it's extremely likely that one of them will.

I really don't think it's extremely likely one of them will sexually assault her. What a depressing view to have

Talking to my DD recently, she said that there wasnt a single one of her friends who hadn't been sexually assaulted in some way. Now that's sad Sad

SirChenjin · 17/10/2016 21:22

That's awful Sad What happened when they reported these sexual assaults?

Bitofacow · 17/10/2016 21:26

Lostlogin2 - I don't know how you feel about Syrian refugees but your point is being proved eloquently on that thread.
All the young (old?) male refugees are arriving in the UK with the sole focus of molesting women and children. So teenage boys from the UK may not be demonized but Syrian boys certainty are.

Follyfoot · 17/10/2016 21:30

Only one was reported - the police told her she shouldn't get so drunk and to 'keep your legs shut next time'....it was a particularly horrible and bizarre assault, wont be posting details as it wouldn't be fair on the young woman concerned.

Sadly the rest of them have never reported anything, from what she tells me, most of them involved alcohol, and they didnt think the police would do anything. Which is hardly surprising given the response above

RiverTam · 17/10/2016 21:30

Why do you ask, Sir?

SirChenjin · 17/10/2016 21:56

Curiosity Tam - why?

That is awful Folly - I hope her parents made a formal complaint to the IPCC

yorkshapudding · 17/10/2016 22:22

unfortunately, I think that is what some people on here think

So you're angry because you "think" that some people on MN "think" ALL teenage boys are sexual predators? No one has actually said that ALL teenage boys are sexual predators but you have decided that's what they really think anyway.

That makes no sense.

RiverTam · 17/10/2016 22:42

Yorkshire You're quoting me there, I think, I didn't make it clear that my comment referred to your final para about sweeping under the carpet (though I think my posts are clear that I'm on the same side as you in this debate!).

Sir yes, I wondered why you asked. It was certainly no surprise to me that only one girl reported her assault, and that she was dismissed. Was it to you?

SirChenjin · 17/10/2016 22:52

Yes it was a surprise to me that this was the reaction from the police - based on my assumption that this is a recent event. I certainly would have pursued it through the IPCC - how about you?

SirChenjin · 17/10/2016 23:06

Just before I head off to bed - I'very just asked DD (17) if she or any of her friends have ever been sexually assaulted and no, none of then have. I'm not doubting anyone, but hopefully that will paint a more positive picture of the lived experience of a group of teenage girls for anyone who is concerned.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 17/10/2016 23:13

Really sorry sir

I do agree with a lot you have said

But how does she know?

I didnt tell any of my friends

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 17/10/2016 23:14

And my 14 year old daughter does not know anyone who has been assaulted either

So i am not trying to be difficult

LumpySpacedPrincess · 18/10/2016 06:34

The majority of these nice lads will be consuming porn. Just a look on the first page on the first site shows you how porn treats women, it's hateful. Also will these nice lads step in when their mates get out of line and use misogynistic language? The culture is wrong and that needs changing. My daughter is 11 and has already had sexual comments made to her by older boys, they are somebodies sons.

As U2 said, not all men but far too many men. Sad

LumpySpacedPrincess · 18/10/2016 06:36

Girls and women are conditioned to accept a lot of sexual abuse as part of life, even take it as a compliment.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2016 06:47

I have a teenage boy. He is outraged by the way many of his peer group talk about girls. (NABALT)

It's not about them being "depraved sexual aggressors" (that use of hyperbole in threads like this is soooo frustrating!) it's about the fact that they are constantly presented with a sexually objectifying, macho culture and absorb it by osmosis.

BertrandRussell · 18/10/2016 06:51

"And my 14 year old daughter does not know anyone who has been assaulted either"

Does she know anyone who has been teased, or touched, or had her bra strap pinged or had her appearance commented on or had somebody try to show her "rude" pictures on his phone or had to brush past boys in a corridor because they wouldn't move aside for her, or heard comments about women celebrities bodies or....or...or.......

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