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AIBU?

To be a bit sick of constantlyse reading about how awful teenage boys are?

189 replies

lostoldlogin2 · 17/10/2016 13:01

Recently it seems to be a constant theme that girls need to effectively be protected from teenage boys.....and the comments are sweeping. The suggestion seems to be that boys are constantly being terribly sexually aggressive to girls. I teach in Spain. Now I teach primary but before I was teaching secondary.....and this really wasn't a theme.....barely happened at all...the kids just got on with life and did all the normal boyfriend/girlfriend type stuff in an age appropriate way....talk of groups of 15 year old boys holding down girls and touching them, "hounding " girls for sex, grabbing their breasts and vulva in the school corridors?????? Never saw it.....and if it had happened it would have been seriously shocking. I do not know....it seems as if boys are being painted as monsters. I have a son and another son in the way.....it makes me sad to hear the constant vilification of male CHILDREN.

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Yakitori · 18/10/2016 21:59

What we should be worried more about is not stereotyping but why so many men and boys are such a problem to society, to the extent that the prison population is so many times the number of female criminals. And yet there seems a disproportionate focus on how women and girls behave.

Follyfoot · 18/10/2016 22:45

Just to respond to the posters who said their 14 year old and 17 year old didnt know anyone who had been assaulted. My DD is older, in her 20s and the vast majority of it happened during the Uni years....

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 18/10/2016 23:13

folly

Please read my further posts

I was trying to say that just because sir said her daughter didnt know anyone who had been assaulted it didnt mean that no one had been assaulted

I used the example of my 14 year old WHO DOESNT REALISE THAT SHE HAS BEEN ASSAULTED AND SO WOULD SAY THAT SHE DIDNT KNOW ANYONE

I also didnt tell anyone when i was assaulted at 13

But yeah i will let my daughter know its all to come

Madeyemoodysmum · 18/10/2016 23:27

I work in a pub and a group of lads 18- 24 yrs come in regularly. Yes they swear. Yes they flirt. Even with an old girl like me BUT I've never heard them talk about girls in a sexually demeaning way nor have they over stepped the mark with me making remarks etc. Even when steaming drunk
One lad was very drunk and his date was trying to get him to drive knowing how drunk he was. I had his keys so he couldn't but it WAS the girl acting irresponsibly not the boy.

Kahli · 18/10/2016 23:36

I would just die if I thought my lad was behaving so badly to girls.
He isn't and I have often worried he is so shy with girls.

Oswin · 18/10/2016 23:41

What's your point's mad eye and punk rocker?
Yes women and men can be utter fucking twats.
Yes lots of girls enjoy sex.

That's not the bloody point though.
Its about harrasment, sexual assualt and sometimes rape.

This shit happens a fuckin lot.

Its weird that instead of trying to do something about it people are chatting on bout what people on mumsnet say.
Fucks sake.

I was raped as a teen by teen.

Sexualy assaulted a lot, by teen boys.

Now I was in a girls school next to a big common.

The boys from the local boys school would walk home across the common too.

When some groups of boys first started grabbing girls and touching them the school was informed.
Parents were not informed and we were made to feel like it was our fault and to walk home from school the longer way instead.

Oswin · 18/10/2016 23:42

This was only 12 or so years ago.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 19/10/2016 06:40

This is such an important issue and I am staggered that the response from so many people is "ISawANastyGirlBeingNasty|Once." Girls are allowed to be dickheads, what they are not is responsible for the majority of violent crime and sexual assault. I know of one false rape accusation, I know of dozens of rapes amongst the women I know, which problem should I focus on?

LumpySpacedPrincess · 19/10/2016 06:42

Oswin - that right there is the problem, society tells us it is our fault.

AfflictingTheComfortable · 19/10/2016 07:33

Strange. So many women are n'aie or willfully blind.
They think it is "other boys / men" watching porn, "other boys / men" paying prostituted women for sex, "other boys / men" harassing girls and women on the streets, in school, in the workplace.

It is never their boys. And yet somebody's boys are watching porn and harassing girls and exacerbating a rape culture.

But not our boys.

BertrandRussell · 19/10/2016 11:22

Yes "I saw a nasty girl being nasty" and "I saw a nice boy being nice"

Ergo, there is not a problem.

Madeyemoodysmum · 19/10/2016 18:29

No point really I just mean not all men and boys are sex crazed pervert as the Boys in the pub demonstrate. Funnily enough to it's the older men (over 50) I have most trouble with in the lewd comments department. The younger ones are always very gentlemanly.
Some boys men are pigs or worse though going by this thread which is wrong and need to be socially unacceptable in all corners not just with women. But in my area at least the younger ones seem less sexist to me

Strongmummy · 19/10/2016 18:44

Not sure where anyone is painting all teenage boys as monsters. However the fact of the matter is that girls and women are sexually assaulted, raped, taunted, mocked, discriminated against, made to feel lesser, on a daily basis. The perpetrators are male. Rather than spending your time worrying about non existence claims that your sons are monsters, how about teaching your sons that they are automatically privileged in being born male and should always strive to treat females with respect? That's what I focus on with my own son

usual · 19/10/2016 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 19/10/2016 19:21

"Because obviously you are the only mother of a son on MN who does that.Well done you."

Eh?

nooka · 19/10/2016 19:54

I think my teenage son is lovely and he seems to have a good attitude towards his female peers, although I haven't actually seen him interact with them very much. He certainly picks up on sexism (and racism and homophobia) in his online encounters (which we hear all too clearly!) but I can't say with absolute certainty that he has never or will never do anything wrong. He certainly wouldn't tell me if he had been sexually aggressive to a girl because he knows I would be very angry.

My teenage dd hasn't been sexually assaulted by a teenage boy, she's had someone wank at her and wolf whistles, but from adult men. Several of her friends (that I now of) have been sexually assaulted by their peers though. As far as I am aware none were reported to anyone in authority. The girls seemed to feel it was somehow their fault and they would get in trouble if their parents knew about the incidents (especially if alcohol was involved).

I can't say I've noticed teenage boys being terribly vilified on MN, but it's perfectly possible I've just not seen those threads/posts.

BertrandRussell · 19/10/2016 20:26

My teenage boy tells me a lot about the behaviour of some of his peers at school. Only "lad stuff" some would say. Locker room banter.....

My dd is an undergraduate, and told me today that she had been walking home last night quite late eating chips, and several men did the "give us a chip, love" routine. It was late, and she was alone. A man who had any consideration for women just wouldn't do that. Very mild, obviously. Not threatening, just tedious. But a good example of men feeling they have the right to talk to women.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/10/2016 06:43

Yes Bertrand they're conditioned to feel like that and we're conditioned to respond, like master and servant. Fucks me right off. I didn't respond to my last "smile love blah shit blah" and I was shouted at all the way down the street with increasing anger. I also walked past a group of nice grammar school boys yesterday talking about what they'd like to do to their female french teacher, not nice.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/10/2016 06:45

and I saw a NastyGirlBeingNasty! I tripped over and the cow laughed at me!

Toadinthehole · 20/10/2016 06:58

#slugsandsnailsandpuppydogstails

#boyswillbeboyscastratethelittlefuckers

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/10/2016 07:15

Boys will be boys is a term used throughout society that minimises poor behaviour from boys and men.

Girls will be girls is a way of highlighting and condemning behaviour in girls that society doesn't approve off.

Toadinthehole · 20/10/2016 11:01

Well, precisely. If you expect anyone to behave badly, they will, if they know your expectation. Whether or not you approve of their behaviour is beside the point.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/10/2016 15:58

yes, society expects and approves of poor behaviour from men and boys.

Toadinthehole · 20/10/2016 18:54

Society also expects poor behaviour from boys because it thinks they are made of slugs and snails and puppy dogs' tails. There are a great many posts on this thread demonstrate this attitude.

There is no excuse for sexual harassment - no one should provide one by saying "what do you expect of boys - they're no better".

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/10/2016 19:38

In our society it's girls and women who are demonised, not men and boys.

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