AIBU to think I will never get better? Repost from MH

[Woollymammoth63]

So I had a bit of work related anxiety this week after starting a new job, most of which I am getting used to but had to face new challenges which was quite stressful. This seems to have triggered a regression into feeling overwhelmed and anxious. The original anxiety was due to some life events and a traumatic episode from which I had slowly recovered the last few years.
I am left feeling a bit hopeless... Will this ever really get better? I am trying mindfulness but once the despair sets in I don't feel like anything or anyone can help.
I've had therapy, I have asked for work adjustments, I am trying to stay positive and mindful. Has anyone else had PTSD and then had recurrences when other stressful events occur?
It's exhausting and I feel in a place where no one can really help. No one can get inside my mind and take it away. I'm the first to ask for help, and I am in therapy, but why do these relapses occur?
Any empathy or similar experiences really welcome. Thanks

Any tips to self soothe apart from mindfulness?

Have you got the headspace app? My DM finds it really helpful when she's feeling anxious.

Yes I have. It's the hopelessness that's getting me down. Thanks for your reply. I know no one, including my therapist can fix this and that's what leads me to despair.

A regular exercise, preferably outside in a green space is something that works for me and many of the young people I work with - it is recommended for dealing with the symptoms of depression and anxiety by MH professionals.

Is that something you can build in to your day? Half an hour is the ideal, but even 15/20 mins of something that raises your heart rate noticeably is good. Fast walking is fine. It doesn't need to be hardcore!!

It will pass. I suffer from very similar anxieties and when I get down, as I currently am, I just need to remember that it will pass.

Someone once said to me that anxiety and other MH issues are like rollercoasters, ride out the lows knowing that better will come eventually.
I have found this to be true regardless of how low I am, it does pass.

I find keeping myself busy, even if it is getting in the car and driving to town and back, or having a shower, makes me feel better. It is so hard to find the motivation, but if you can find that little spark, just do it.

Anti depressants while you work on other strategies?

Woolly, I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. It might not feel like much but you should be immensely proud of yourself in seeking help the way you have!

I haven't got direct experience of what you're going through, but when I was struggling with general "what's the point" periods of my life I was given a Happiness Planner by a friend... Have you heard of them? It's a bit like a diary/organiser but focusses on making time to think about positive goals each day (big or small!) and to think about the good things which happen each day. I have bought one for a friend going through her own tough times and she found it helpful too..

Maybe that might help focus on things beyond the bad stuff x

Hi Boundaries I do do that , at least as much as work hrs allow. Maybe a bit less as the evenings are drawing in to be fair.
It's the despair that I have tried everything and seem to have got back to square one... Like I am letting everyone down, work, my therapist, my family.

Oh thank you for replies.
Enter.. Is that just writing in a notebook? Or a special planner that you buy?
My dh is causing me to relapse as well. I think he might be narcissistic or just very selfish. Yesterday he caused an argument by being rude and when I asked him not to be rude he said ' there's something wrong with you, I don't know what it is, but there is ' in a sort of performance voice so ds could hear :( . So when I got up today I asked him if he could not argue in front of ds and he shouted ' you're the one who is coming down on a Sunday morning f - ing causing an argument etc etc'

How old is your DS Woolly?

Yeah, it's tough to keep getting out when it's dark all the time! I have a thing on my phone that counts my steps, so if I haven't done enough I go for a walk round the block.

It's a shame your DH is not more supportive- is he aware that you are struggling/of the original issue?

About to turn 15.
Dh is part of the problem.. He can be fine, but then not fine out of the blue and never talks it through or apologises etc. I think he does it to set me off balance and upset me to be honest.

Unfortunately I am sensitive, and if he is like that, I get upset and he is absolutely fine.. He enjoys winding me up.

That sounds difficult. Do you have other people in your life who are supportive?

Unfortunately I feel really alone.. I have no parents or family , I have friends but I can't explain everything all the time or expect too much, and although I have children they can't help obviously so I am just on my own with everything.

Do you know anyone with a dog that you could borrow for an hour a couple of times a week? Or volunteer at your local shelter? It's really helped me - stroking a dog and taking it for a walk. I really can't be arsed sometimes but then as soon as I start I wish I'd got stuck in earlier. Getting a dog has been the best therapy for me, and I've tried a bloomin lot...

Your dh sounds emotionally abusive. That it in itself will heighten anxiety. There's a website called 'Respect', which deals with this sort of thing x

I have to take medication. Without it I am useless. Not on it at the moment due to pregnancy and am signed off work. I know I will be fine once I go back on it. I don't know what your opinions on medication are, but in my view, if it works, it's nothing to be ashamed of!

Hi Woolly, the happiness planner is a journal you can buy:

uk.thehappinessplanner.com

Sorry not sure how to do proper links on my phone but that should work as a copy and paste, or Google search "happiness planner uk". It has a leading section about what you enjoy, what you don't, what makes the biggest positive/negative impact on your life so you can think of goals. Tge rest is a weekly and daily journal where you set aside time to think about what you want to achieve (big or small goals - whatever!) and the record what you want to achieve and what you do manage to achieve.

You could do it in a blank notebook but I found being guided through tge thought process really helped me!!

You can use it for any type of thing which I found really good, as I set some small exercise type goals (just walking really) and some relationship ones (like making the to talk to a friend and discuss a small part of my anxiety with them). So little step goals building up to having more friends and family aware of the support i needed, building up to bigger exercise goals and so on x x

In the last few minutes I have been trying to calm myself and I remember I like travelling.. When ds goes to uni I would like to travel. I enjoy a lot of things really, just sometimes get so down about dh , but am not planning to divorce at least until ds is 18. I feel so put down , with no one to stick up for me. If I stick up for myself he just calls me mad.

Usually work is my escape.. That's why it's so hard to take if I feel I may fail at work.

what other things do you enjoy?

Your husband sounds like a proper twat, btw, so I'm pleased your have divorce in mind.

You're husband sounds like a douche canoe by the way.

What makes you happy? Is there a way to build more good stuff into daily life? Joining clubs or whatever, or even making time to do something which brings you joy - colouring in books/reading/listening to music etc?

Each time he is a twat as you say lol you would think I would stop caring, but each time I get upset.. Then I harden for a few days, then I soften, then it happens again. But the upset stays with me for one to two days.
I have been unable to see my therapist for two weeks now and won't see her for a further week.. This alone fills me with despair because I can't keep her forever!!
I enjoy playing with my baby dgs, watching films, reading, being outside, spending time with ds. Christmas.

I feel strange when I feel like this.. It's hard to wait to let it pass.. I would mail my therapist but I don't want to be needy and it's not fair as its her job.

Cups of tea, I love those.

Dh often spoils special events like birthdays.

So there are loads of reasons you are feeling shit right now - new, challenging job, haven't seen therapist, dark eves mean you can't get out, husband is a twat....

It'd be difficult for you not to feel shit.

Could you concentrate on doing one thing every day that lifts you?