AIBU to think I will never get better? Repost from MH

[Woollymammoth63]

So I had a bit of work related anxiety this week after starting a new job, most of which I am getting used to but had to face new challenges which was quite stressful. This seems to have triggered a regression into feeling overwhelmed and anxious. The original anxiety was due to some life events and a traumatic episode from which I had slowly recovered the last few years.
I am left feeling a bit hopeless... Will this ever really get better? I am trying mindfulness but once the despair sets in I don't feel like anything or anyone can help.
I've had therapy, I have asked for work adjustments, I am trying to stay positive and mindful. Has anyone else had PTSD and then had recurrences when other stressful events occur?
It's exhausting and I feel in a place where no one can really help. No one can get inside my mind and take it away. I'm the first to ask for help, and I am in therapy, but why do these relapses occur?
Any empathy or similar experiences really welcome. Thanks

I think it's possibly the case that short term strategies are not the same as long term ones? It's fine to throw yourself into work or whatever as a short term strategy, but what helps for the full recovery might be different.

And that's ok!

It's not like you're only allowed to try one thing and if that doesn't totally solve it you just have to put up with feeling rubbish. You're allowed to work through different things until you find what works at that time, and if that changes in a month or a year that's also fine.

Basically you're shouldn't put yourself down if you find something that was helping isn't the be all and end all. Times change, people change, situations change - so coping mechanisms are likely to change too. It's nothing to feel bad about!!

Hi Woolly. Lovely boys you have! I hope I can bring mine up as well as you have.

Sports Day for me today. I kid myself I'm not competitive....😂

Well I am working my way through the Headspace app.. I like his voice !
Holiday going well. I know I have work to do and have put it off. Though obviously doing holiday things and cooking etc as well as hosting ds etc last two days.
Thinking about work (study, e mails, etc) and going back to work is making me anxious.. Is it a case of ' one day at a time' do you think? I have been trying, in my calmer moments to think about my work.. Do I want to continue, do I want to make adjustments, do I want to give it up , do I want to change tack ? And I am sort of coming to the conclusion my work is really important to my sense of self and confidence.. This may be why the concern about not coping at this new set of tasks last week made me feel a bit out of control..it was a busy week with the family too, maybe it was not a representative week.

I think it's important for me to be good at my job. Since starting this new job there have been a lot of family pressures so I haven't had the easiest start... As if I haven't been able to give it my all.
But I CAN do this, I need to remember that. No one at work has said I have a problem ..it's just me putting too much pressure on myself and feeling as if it was out of control.

I think you had an awful lot of change / challenges all at once. It does sound like your new / current job has good potential, obviously the learning curve is a challenge, and would be anywhere, but soon it will be inside your comfort zone. And I think it's a good thing your boss already knows about your anxiety, even if you didn't necessarily plan on telling them. It means they are better placed to support you.

I think when anyone starts a new job the "one day at a time" ethos is a good one. Change, even hood change, is scary and it's easy to persuade yourself it's not going well when actually you're just still adjusting.

I think give yourself a chance at the new place, but obviously you're allowed to change companies or careers if you want to! So long as it's not a reaction to fear of change without giving yourself a chance to settle in first I think.

IMO anyway!!

Wise words Enter :). I want to continue. I'll do my best but if I struggle I'll let them know.

Well I woke up this morning anxious again.. About work on Monday. But then sort of in general. Does a past history of trauma just hang around like this?? Sunday night feeling but on a Friday morning lol. Am seeing my therapist over the weekend , hardly know where to start. I no longer know what is the cause.

wish I could maintain that calm positivity I sometimes manage to find..If anyone has it in spades let me know the secret lol. I am reading some books, doing Headspace and mindfulness when I am feeling calm.

Shall I ask for CBT or be led by her..she's very good.

Oh should add last day of hols today am now at home. Is it because of dh that I feel anxious again??

I'd be guided by your therapist tbh, sounds like you having a good, trusting relationship.

I do think your husband is a big part of the struggle. It's hard to resolve your inner shit if you have to concentrate too much on the shit going on around you.

What's your treat today? X

Yes, and I have decided that my experiences are going to be positive .. I can't control him but I can control myself and not rise to the bait and get upset. So I am going to ignore all the jibes and be very very calm.
If he escalates a lot then I will have to rethink the divorce timing side of things.
I have realised I am wasting too much energy on my dh, energy I can spend on my relationship with my son, adult children and my own emotional health. I need to disengage.
My treat today was swimming.. Although I felt anxious, I enjoyed it by the end. Then I took ds to a country house and park we had a lovely time there. He has really enjoyed his week.. That makes me so happy.

He has absolutely loved being away with me on our own this week. It's the second time we went away on our own this year .. Special times for me.

I think you should take all this to your therapist.

It seems logical that being back in DHs company and closer to being back at work would be stressers, but rather than going down the rabbit hole interogating yourself see what your therapist thinks.

You don't need to solve all the problems in your head and then see her, the whole point is she can guide you and focus your thoughts. I think you're taking too much upon yourself trying to do her job!

Good plan to take this to therapist.

Swimming and country park also good

Ok will do thanks. I'm taking over thinking to a whole new level this week.

Watch the new series of Black Mirror!

That'll occupy your mind...

Yes.. I'm one of those people who if I think about or talk about something I get upset all over again... Very suggestible ha

My usual coping mechanisms of working a lot and keeping busy don't look too bad now all of a sudden.... Might go back to it, this touchy-feely stuff is making me worse.... ?

Touchy feely with support from great therapist in times of extreme stress fine.

Free floating touchy feely with unsupportive arsebadger husband more troubling

Ha! I'm not sure that's the case...

But there's mindfulness and thinking about yourself / your reactions, and then there's over-analysing things and getting totally befuddled!!

Arsebadger

Sometimes I just get over tired and over stressed. It's almost that simple.

Last week I just couldn't calm down.. Felt like I couldn't do my job, cried at work and then was left with all that confusion in my head, which then tied up with some of the bad things I've been through in the past.

I do have a stressful job.. But I think I could be equally stressed if I left the job because I gain so much from working. I love working though not so keen on the new job at the moment.

Although I have a stressful job, I get a lot of personal satisfaction from it.

Hello kind people
have been doing quite a bit of thinking this weekend about my work, home life and jobs / responsibilities I have .
I saw my therapist yesterday who went through what was going on in my mind last week at work. So helpful.
I do feel calmer..even though it is work tomorrow and what looks like a busy week.
There is no real reason to suppose I can't do my job.. I might have a lot on, but I can do my job. I need to cut myself some slack. I think the worst of the stress is coming from home, and from travelling and tiredness etc.

Of course you can do your job. Sounds like things are crystallising in your head, which helps stop the swirling of anxiety, I think?

Have something nice for lunch

Well would you believe it only just back from work! But I was calm. I remembered that the feeling of panic if I can't do something is
1/ from an old brain memory based on past traumatic experiences
2/ is also false because I am sToll learning how to do a new job.
I can do the basics, that's what matters.
Straight into a hot bath .. :)

Jees, thank goodness you're back, my arms were dropping off with the pom-pom waving..

Yay for your logical brain! And for bath. Is that your treat?

Ha thanks Boundaries :)
Yes bath my treat ! Going to have some tea now ( pushing the boat out a bit now..)