AIBU to think I will never get better? Repost from MH

[Woollymammoth63]

So I had a bit of work related anxiety this week after starting a new job, most of which I am getting used to but had to face new challenges which was quite stressful. This seems to have triggered a regression into feeling overwhelmed and anxious. The original anxiety was due to some life events and a traumatic episode from which I had slowly recovered the last few years.
I am left feeling a bit hopeless... Will this ever really get better? I am trying mindfulness but once the despair sets in I don't feel like anything or anyone can help.
I've had therapy, I have asked for work adjustments, I am trying to stay positive and mindful. Has anyone else had PTSD and then had recurrences when other stressful events occur?
It's exhausting and I feel in a place where no one can really help. No one can get inside my mind and take it away. I'm the first to ask for help, and I am in therapy, but why do these relapses occur?
Any empathy or similar experiences really welcome. Thanks

Ha I started watching Aberfan, but now the X factor has appeared on catch up am going to watch it.
I think this has all got to do with work this week and dh not helping by being in such a mood. I'm sure it will settle soon.

Think Dermot can calm me down

Well try your best to focus on the fact that (despite negative pressure from useless husband) you're doing really well at your new job and keeping life going in the background.

This week you'll probably find you can get much more into the swing of it at the new job - you'll know a lot more of the people and also the kind of things you'll be doing. So it will become you're new comfort zone if that makes sense.

Cut yourself some slack and give yourself credit for all the good stuff you're getting done!!

It will get better x

I am going to focus on the person I'm trying to become.. Positive, the sort of person who makes you feel good about yourself. Especially for the young people in my life.
Life is hard, we struggle but lots of people feel like this and they are still brave enough to carry on and do their best and so can I. Tomorrow is another day.

... that's a really awesome aspiration - I like it

Definitely something more people should be aiming for and the world would be much better with more people like that!

You should write down the last paragraph and keep it in your purse for when you're finding it tough. To keep you focussed on the end game

I watched Missing. It was good!

Now watching Black Mirror on Netflix.

Woolly, what time do you start work tomorrow?

..early morning walk/run maybe?

Don't despair OP.. change makes almost everyone anxious. When you have anxiety issues, sometimes it's easy to forget that and relatively 'normal ' anxiety and worries get blown out of proportion and trigger a worry that you're in a bit of a spiral.

You're fine. Changing jobs / roles is hard for anyone and there are a whole host of worries that go with that. .. All overcome once you've settled in... just give yourself a chance

I don't know if this will help at all.....

But I admire you immensely! I have really bad anxiety so know how it feels. I can't even leave the house or stay in it alone some days so I really do admire you being able to even travel to a job, do your work and travel home! I aspire to be able to do what you do, even though you feel anxious you are still doing it and it makes people like me feel better knowing that although the anxiety won't magically go away and it may still be there, you can still function and get through it.

I was just about to send a fb msg on messenger when this entire OP appeared and I nearly sent it to a family member!!! Why would that happen... I think I have to delete it. God help me if its been shared on Facebook.. Is that possible? Thanks so much to everyone Xx

Hi Woolly!

WTF re FB?? Did you accidentally copy and paste or something?

How you doing today?

I literally got the shock of my life... I have got fb messenger and was just about to click send when I realised there was quite a lot of text there.. I scrolled down and to my horror there was the OP full text !!!! How could that happen lol! I was not aware I copied and pasted though I did repost from Mh board to AIBU so it's possible. Was worried in case Mn had somehow shared it to Facebook as well .
Thank you for thinking again of me. I have really wound myself up into a state. This morning I kept taking these random deep breaths all the time and could hardly concentrate. I downloaded Headpace on my I pad again and tried the ten minute relaxation which helped slightly.
I was packing to go away with ds and then when I arrived here and came through the door I began to feel a little bit calmer. Strange.. Is it my dh upsetting me so much ? it's just that so many things are ' wrong' right now I have run out of coping mechanisms. But I feel a bit more ' normal ' tonight . Scared about how I have been feeling.

My GP and counsellor (I have longstanding anxiety problems) would say that you have lots of "stressors" at present: new job, work stress, and most of all an emotionally abusive partner.

For as long as you're living with an emotionally abusive partner, in particular, things will be difficult no matter how good your "coping strategies" and self care (they'll help though). Observing how he treats you won't be good for your DS either.

You have options!

Ah,how long are you away with DS for? That's good.

It's sounding increasingly as though your husband is a huge part of the issue.

Re the c&p thing, I have done that so many times. The heart in your mouth feeling when you nearly hit send is horrible.

Ps What's your treat today?

Morning Woolly,

Sounds like you had a scare last night!! It might be one of the various "useful" copy and paste shortcuts, I'm forever pressing the wrong keys and discovering shortcuts to things unintentionally!

It does sound like idiot H is a really big factor. I think you said before you were thinking of waiting until DS was a bit older before possibly changing the marital set up, but could that be brought forward?

Hello kind Enter and Boundaries :)
Good news, have been swimming it felt so good to be in the water. Also I am with ds which is my favourite thing in the world. I worked out that this week exactly is the anniversary of the traumatic event... It's not as if I was consciously aware of it but somehow I think my body/ brain is. Incredible really.
I am trying to be mindful now I am feeling slightly less agitated in the hope everything will just de escalate down back to normal again.
Treat today: swimming and walking in the sunshine
Trying to keep a hold on being that person I am trying to be.. Positive especially for the children in my life.

Yes I think that message would have taken some explaining away..

Hey Woolly.
Ah swimming!! My total favourite.

Blimey. The anniversary thing is pretty big. Good to have a "reason" for a dip?

Sounds like you're doing all the right things! And so lovely to hear you say being with your DS is your favourite: that's how it should be (although sometimes tricky if they are going through a totally fucking obstinate slightly challenging phase 😂

My other ds came to visit today. Both he and my young ds have been quite sweet .. Normally no one notices me much, I'm just mum doing mum things. But for some reason my young ds asked me tonight ' are u ok mum' , not that unusual in itself, but after saying yes, I asked him why he was asking and being nice and he said' because you deserve some niceness ' ..sweet I thought. And my older ds came over and was talking about nice meals he could cook for me over Christmas . And I was also quite touched that he and his gf made the effort to come and see me and young ds on our trip just to spend time together.
So although I am feeling sad and tearful still at times at least inside, I feel touched by those around me who seem to care. Maybe they appreciate me more than I thought.

It crossed my mind whether that message had actually gone before I deleted it... It seemed as if ds and his gf were especially attentive today.

It could just as easily be they've picked up on you feeling down at the mo. Although part of me thinks that maybe if the message had gone it wouldn't be the end of the world... Although it might seem that way at first opening communication channels with family could be a good move?

I have been careful to not appear needy or desperately anxious in any way... But I have mentioned feeling as if work is demanding a lot and stressing me out a little at the moment.
At the same time I am practising being mindful and positive to them and improving my relationships with my children in any way I can .. It may be this is showing through

That's fair enough but you are allowed to be needy with people when you need them.

I get that you would want to avoid putting pressure on your dc and family, but you are allowed to reach out for support. That's what families and friends are there for!

It doesn't have to be a huge emotional outpouring, but you shouldn't feel like you need to act like you're invincible when that's not how you feel.

Thanks Enter. I'm learning that some of my coping mechanisms... Work harder, be busy are sometimes either not enough or not always healthy.