AIBU to think I will never get better? Repost from MH

[Woollymammoth63]

So I had a bit of work related anxiety this week after starting a new job, most of which I am getting used to but had to face new challenges which was quite stressful. This seems to have triggered a regression into feeling overwhelmed and anxious. The original anxiety was due to some life events and a traumatic episode from which I had slowly recovered the last few years.
I am left feeling a bit hopeless... Will this ever really get better? I am trying mindfulness but once the despair sets in I don't feel like anything or anyone can help.
I've had therapy, I have asked for work adjustments, I am trying to stay positive and mindful. Has anyone else had PTSD and then had recurrences when other stressful events occur?
It's exhausting and I feel in a place where no one can really help. No one can get inside my mind and take it away. I'm the first to ask for help, and I am in therapy, but why do these relapses occur?
Any empathy or similar experiences really welcome. Thanks

I think that the vast majority of people would be upset each time their OH was a douchebag, that's no reflection on you!!

Are you able to deliberately plan in time each day for a thing just for you? Si Monday go for 30mins walk outside, Tuesday watch a film (could you join a film club or even LoveFilm or something) and so on?

How about something like volunteering with the National Trust doing care if grounds if that kind of outdoor activity appeals? Or a local garden or something of that sort?

Any shared hobbies with friends or DS you could expand on?

I had this really difficult week when I couldn't get to see my therapist, then had to do somethings at work which were new , sort of on top of other new challenges. I became anxious about it afterwards, and told my boss but unfortunately although she was great I burst into tears.. A first. Since then, on sat I was feeling good until dh started being twattish yesterday and that spoilt the evening. Today I thought I'd appeal to him but that just led to the shouting and swearing again and calling me ' the problem'. That's what he said this morning, ' It's not me, or ds that's the problem, it's you '

It would be weird if you weren't having a hard time with all that going on.

And your husband is wrong, it's not you, or DS, it's him.

I do enjoy things. Work, TV, going to town, when I'm ok. I can't seem to be on an even keel, mood wise, I get really affected by dh behaviour even though I don't want to be.
I know that dh doesn't know I've had a problem at work this week, and vice versa. But if I told him, he might not say anything bad now, but sooner or later he would use it against me.

Remind me why you are staying with him?

But aside from your husband who is just plain wrong what I get from that is:

You started a new job and have formally well at getting on top of new duties and new people.

On top of that you even had to get to grips with some totally new things which you managed as well.

You found it hard, but rather than giving up or running away you did the brave thing and talked to your boss - who was really nice about it.

And you did all that without loads of frequent meetings with your usual therapist!

So you've actually done really well in a stressful situation and should feel proud of what you've achieved!

Regarding your husband, it sounds like divorce is on the cards eventually...? Have you spoken to your therapist about that? I'm wondering if they could help with an emotional management strategy in the meantime maybe? It's not as easy as LTB in real life... X

Thank you both Enter and Boundaries you are so kind.

I think if I hadn't missed out on the therapy appt I would have felt stronger, though I'm aware I can't keep her there with me forever I'll have to manage on my own one day!!

To dh it's all a selfish game , but I'm not playing and get really upset about it. I am working on strategies to cope. Naively, I always end up trusting him again it's like a pattern, a cycle.
Work in itself is usually a strength for me, but I've changed dept and it's all rather different, and the other problems in my life are stressing me.

She said for me to respond to him in the way that makes me feel most comfortable. So for me, that's being calm and reasonable and setting a good example to ds. It's hard if he ups the ante if he doesn't get the response he wants though.. I just try to ignore then, and focus primarily on my relationship with ds.

Although work is a bit difficult at the moment, in general it's a great source of pride so I don't want to give it up or anything.

Enter ..yes I suppose that's so. No one else knows what I've been through and even if I do have to tell my boss I have anxiety, I guess that's for the best because I have !!

Woolly I think changing your job, especially if you care about it is really stressful - sounds as though you are competent and have a supportive bos

oops..S so that will get easier, in time?

I think that's fine, and also something you can set as a target. It won't stop you getting upset - you're only human - but maybe you can try and train yourself to think "he did X, I didn't rise to it and I remained calm to his face - which means is a positive". Because you should be proud of it not turning into a shooting slanging match, it sounds like he's trying to goad you... So it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to rise to it, and is therefore something to congratulate yourself about when you don't.

I think you should give yourself a lot more credit for all the things you are coping with, you sound like you're keeping a lot of plates spinning which is not easy. Be kind to yourself. But absolutely make time every single day to do something just for you - you deserve to have a treat whether that's taking time for something quiet, or buying a treat, or whatever it might be.

Treat yo'self!

P.s. it's really brave to be open about anxiety / MH at work so big kudos on that front. It really is better to be open and gave that support and understanding x

Enter is right. Give yourself some credit, woman!!

I want to know what treat you're going to have today, please?

Yes. Sometimes I don't care, if we are on our own, but if ds is there I get upset. And he is worse when ds is there.
I need to stay strong. The problem is the reason I sought the therapy is not for any of the above, but all the other things just happen to be there as well.

Thank you so, so much I am starting to feel more myself now.

Ah treat ?! mm let me think : is 'The Missing' good ?

Ooh - I am watching that tonight, my friend said it's ACE!

We can report back

Yes :)

TV box set with and

Sounds ideal!

I'm vegging out watching old Secret Agent and Selling Homes episodes - purely so I can be proper judgy pants about the houses (we relatively recently sold and so are obviously totally property experts now)...

Watching The mIssing now on catch up. Still feeling anxious, not sure why this is still happening.

Am going to try watching X factor results instead on catch up.

The x factor would make anyone anxious... Or possibly despairing

What's your "woollymammoth-moment" going to be tomorrow? Maybe movie night? Or could you fit in a lunchtime walk if there's a nice outdoor space near you/your work? X