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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to hear something nice about MILs?

153 replies

GinIsIn · 16/10/2016 07:48

This isn't a TAAT, but inspired by a spate of recent threads with depressing attitudes from other posters, whose PILS aren't welcome even for an hour on Christmas Day, or to stay overnight just once for their DGC's birthday- what nice things have your PILs done?

We have DC1 on the way, and MIL kept all of DH's children's books from when he was little, plus added all the best new ones for us so that the baby will hopefully love books as much as I do.

I am sure I'm not the only one with a nice MIL, even if she is a bit bonkers sometimes!

OP posts:
Justwanttoweeinpeace · 16/10/2016 18:23

My MIL is lovely. At the moment we have just entered knitting season and every week or so she sends us another beautiful sweater or hat or whatever.

Dunno how it would be if we lived closer together but I think she's fab.

FIL can sometimes be a bit of a curmudgeon but is always wonderful with DS.

I know how lucky I am, but on balance Ddad died years ago and my DM is hard work.

TribbleTrouble · 16/10/2016 18:25

My MIL is amazing, constantly looking after us and let us live with them for months when we'd hit rock bottom. I was pregnant at the time as well.

I wouldn't swap her for all the tea in China, and love her to bits. If I ever have another baby, she's coming with me.

Steppenwolfe · 16/10/2016 19:03

Mine was a lovely mil who adored our girls ..of course she was over the top with gifts , ignored her slerp patterns but .... you know what? There was such an enormous live there is could never deny that to my girls . What a loss for them (most of all) when she died... don't deny your children a special love in your wrangle about asserting control

chelseafan123 · 16/10/2016 19:09

Mine is lovely can be a bit clingy but she would do anything for us and is very loving and kind and that's what's important really.

M0nstersinthecl0set · 16/10/2016 19:10

I have 2 lovely MIL's. They're both quite lovely. I don't see a lot of them as life is busy etc. One MIL sends random & birthday presents for all the children (incl my dd10 & dd8 from a previous relationship). The presents are always very tasteful and very appreciated. They both have great taste.
They are also always interested and engaged in what we're up to.

Nuttypops · 16/10/2016 19:16

We don't see my PIL often because they live quite far away and care for FIL's Mum, so they often can't travel. However, they absolutely dote on DD, and will do anything to help DH and I. I ended up in hospital for a few days over Christmas when we were staying with them and had to have an emergency operation. MIL stepped in to do all care with DD who was 13 months old at the time to let DH be with me at the hospital, she was so good with her, it really eased any worry I had about being away from DD. They are coming over in Jan to help shortly after we have DC2, and I know they will spend their time cooking, cleaning, playing with DD and generally doing everything possible to help DH and I. They are very different to my own parents, much quieter, and we have had our differences over the years but I know how lucky I am to have them. MIL always goes out of her way to compliment our parenting and tries so hard not to interfere when I know she must want to at times, the fact she shows me so much respect as a Mum is something I really appreciate.

LucyintheskywithRainbows · 16/10/2016 19:20

My Mil is fab. She has our ds every Sunday and takes him out for a treat day.
She grows veg and always brings us some. We email thru the week as we both do the same weight loss plan. I'm not overly fond of her DH (not my DH's DF) but luckily only see him at family gatherings. I'm very lucky as my own DM passed away x

MotherKat · 16/10/2016 19:37

Mine is wonderful, she is one of the first people I want to tell when the twins do something new, she has subsidised my maternity leave, helped us sort out our carpets, she came up when I had to have a c-section, I love her to bits.

Icklepickle101 · 16/10/2016 19:47

Me and mil have had a long standing tense relationship but last week I had kidney stones and DP couldn't leave work for me to go to A & E so MIL came round to look after baby DS, made me some dinner to reheat when I came home and took all my washing home with her to do. She bought it round today all washed and ironed and a yummy lunch.

She's been a star, who'd thought you could bond over a kidney stone?!

MrEBear · 16/10/2016 19:55

Some of these ladies are so selfless and making me so jealous. I really do wish I got on better with my MIL than I do.
Mine
is incredibly selfish, she does love my child but unless it's spending time with them she will never lift a finger to help me. However it is what it is and I don't look for help from her.

Thingmcthingyface · 16/10/2016 20:17

My MIL is the mum I always wanted to have and I love her so much. I always joke that I married DH for his parents. True really!! My Parents are lovely but complicated eccentric folk so I've done really well with PILs.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/10/2016 20:52

After a rocky start, because she (well both MIL and FIL ) was very shy and socially awkward...

Mine was fab, helped me with a lot of stuff, phone for chats and I have to say I miss her now she's gone rather more than I miss my own mother.

FIL is generally a good guy, a major nerd and again he calls for chats (and he will say if I ask if he wants to speak to OH 'nono, I'll chat with you' !!) and we get on well.

He's a LOT less bother than my own father certainly!

Gazelda · 16/10/2016 20:56

Mine treats me like a daughter.
She adores my DD and they have the same sort of wonderful relationship I had with my own GM.
She often sends us home after a visit with a big bag full of cakes, biscuits and sweets.
She's a fabulous knitter (although I wish she realised my DD is too old to want to wear her cardigans and jumpersSad)
She makes me laugh.

Pidgythe2nd · 16/10/2016 21:09

You're all so lucky.

Mine is horrible. Shows no interest so DH and I have given up.
She's not 'granny', we call her by her name on the rare occasion we talk about her.

CatchIt · 16/10/2016 21:17

I love my MIL, she's kind and always helps us out. She lives really close - as do my parents so she's always willing to look after dc's so I can go spend time with my pony, even if it's a last minute thing because I need the vet out again. She adores the dc's and me too I think. She's a bit more hippyish than me but she's always treated me like her daughter and I really feel so lucky to have hit the MIL jackpot!!

Nectarines · 16/10/2016 21:24

My in laws provide 2 days of childcare a week. I'm so very grateful for that. They're brilliant with the kids and have never once complained or said a single negative word about it.
They're nearly 70 so it can't be easy.

quasibex · 16/10/2016 21:30

Mine is amazing. She treats me as a member of her family and is exceptional with my children. Even my mother is grateful I have such a kind, generous woman as my mother in law when you hear so many stories about the bat shit crazy ones.

BellMcEnd · 16/10/2016 21:38

I have 3 DSs and sometimes MN has frightened the pants off me with mil horror stories! This is lovely.

I love my own mil loads but there are cultural and language barriers so I don't think logistically we'll ever be able to have the relationship I'd like. That said, she calls me her daughter and makes epic food for me to take home. I do love her and my boys think she's ace Smile

lalalalyra · 16/10/2016 21:45

I'm very lucky with my MIL. I'm really struggling with life atm for various reasons. She came round yesterday (despite FIL being in the early stages of dementia so her life isn't a barrel of roses) and she brought pizza, snacks, drinks and a couple of new board games with her. We all got into our PJ's and had a bloody good night. She worked in a team with my 3yo so that all of the kids from 17-3yo could play and it was great.

My other MIL (her late daughter was DH's first wife/DS1's Mum) is also amazing. She took my 13yo twins to a concert on Friday night. They are DH's stepdaughters, so technically nothing to do with her yet she was there, with the rest of the teenyboppers and she's coming to the hospital with me on Wednesday when I take the baby to the hospital.

I feel like I was given these two to make up for the fact my own mother wasn't a mother to me.

Flingmoo · 16/10/2016 21:51

My MIL is sometimes a bit cold compared to my side of the family. But one time when they came to stay, they left really early in the morning for a flight home as they live abroad, at like 5am or something, DH was already gone for work by this point, and didn't want me to get up for them as we had a baby who still kept us up in the night sometimes. I asked them to poke their head round the door to say bye though so I know when they were leaving. MIL popped into my room and gave me a kiss and tucked me back in like she was my own mum. I thought that was so sweet.

Some people don't wear their hearts on their sleeve and it's hard to tell how they feel but for me this one loving gesture made up for years of never quite being sure what she thought of me.

dontpokethebear · 16/10/2016 21:56

My inlaws are amazing. They are the kindest and most generous people I know.
My mum is pretty much the same, but with lots of added drama Grin

MummaBear31 · 16/10/2016 21:57

My MIL is lovely, adores my baby and is always supportive of how I chose to parent! Can see now why she has such a beautiful son!

Nicketynac · 16/10/2016 22:13

MIL is a bit mental but in a good way.
She raised eight children (which gives me perspective when I think I can't cope with two). She married her second husband in her living room when he was diagnosed with cancer. When she was widowed in her late forties, she took up running, then rugby, then cycling and went to college. She started uni in her fifties.
She can be hard work but she has had a tough life and she just keeps going.
I read about other MILs and realise just how lucky I am to have her.

Heathen4Hire · 16/10/2016 22:29

My FIL is proof that deeds do more than words. He isn't rich, but if you say, Dad, could you go to the M&S near you and get such and such, and bring it up when you babysit?", he really doesn't mind.

He recently acquired a dog, so he uses the dog as his social life. He's retired. He takes the dog to the shops, buys his fags and newspaper, dog invites comments, so a ten minute walk turns into a half hour natter.

My FIL got me a job on the underground.

My FIL is a very liberal man. During the time of race tension in South London in the 80s, my FIL and his then wife would open their home to EVERYONE. He is atheist, like me. His best mates happen to be gay, but FIL loves them because they are a good laugh and good friends.

My parents are reserved. My FIL is loud, crude, blue, sweary, and old school London. Born on the Old Kent Road, he still lives only a mile away from his birthplace.

He's had a hard life, but never complains. Despite being a heavy smoker and drinker, he seem indestructible. He can make friends everywhere.

He is 70 next year but thinks he's 25. He is still with it, politically and socially. His second wife is his total opposite, I don't know what he sees in her! But they rub along fine.

He does a brilliant Mick Jagger impression at parties. At my wedding reception, we danced to Beyonce's Crazy in Love together.

Total legend.

peachyyy · 17/10/2016 00:52

My MIL is out of this world generous. She buys bags and bags of presents for me and DH at Christmas and birthdays just because she loves doing it. God help our future children when they come along they'll be spoiled rotten. She is so thoughtful too, if you mention that you like something she'll remember it and you'll have it in your stocking at christmas six months later. She can talk your ear off but she's lovely company. Very considerate about giving us our own space but also just pops round for a chat every now and then. Also looks after our rescue dog regularly if we go away for the weekend or if I am going to be out of the house all day at hospital appointments. FIL is a lovely gentle soul who just likes to read the paper and tend to his garden and allotment. I could just squish the pair of them I love them so much.