To want to hear something nice about MILs?

[GinIsIn]

This isn't a TAAT, but inspired by a spate of recent threads with depressing attitudes from other posters, whose PILS aren't welcome even for an hour on Christmas Day, or to stay overnight just once for their DGC's birthday- what nice things have your PILs done?

We have DC1 on the way, and MIL kept all of DH's children's books from when he was little, plus added all the best new ones for us so that the baby will hopefully love books as much as I do.

I am sure I'm not the only one with a nice MIL, even if she is a bit bonkers sometimes!

As a mother of two boys who gets depressed and worried over all the horrible mil threads on here and the apparent inevitable banishment from my beloved sons' lives, THANK YOU everyone on this thread

I am taking careful notes on being a wonderful mil

I love my MIL to bits. DFIL and I have a more fraught relationship, he is a universally difficult man so not just me, but overall we get on ok and we make sure we see them at least monthly if not more.

My PILs (and the rest of the family!) are lovely :) the first couple of years me and DH were together we lived in his home city. He works away for long periods at a time, so I used to stay over his parents' every weekend and go over at least once a week for my tea. Since we moved away, they've even had my dad to stay with them so he could go to a football game with them :)

What lovely posts. Glad to read that those relationships that didn't start off well blossomed into positives. Maybe there's hope for me and my Mil

Mine died when dd was just 9 weeks old but she was mostly fantastic.

She phoned me in the middle of the night from hospital because she felt scared and decided as I had a newborn I would likely be up. She wanted to be reassured we were all ok etc. She then asked me if I would mind her calling me her daughter as she adores me and how happy dp was since we got together. I had to fight back the tears!

She was so worried at offending me over her choices of clothes for dd that she gave me the money and insisted I bought everything on my own - she had a very poor relationship with dp's exw and was always pushed out and made to feel unworthy. They were breadline poor so a lot of what she would buy came from her local market or charity shops and his exw was massively unappreciative of the thought or effort. She saved for weeks to give us the £100. I made her come shopping with me and she picked everything we bought. I had never seen her so happy as the day we took dd into the hospital to meet her (she was 2 days old) and dressed in one of the outfits MIL had picked.

This is a nice thread 😊 I have an amazing MIL, she's completely nuts and is a bit bewildered by the way I parent (different generations and different culturally) but she always supports me and trusts that I know what I'm doing. She's a great grandma too. She's so supportive of me and has worked really hard to learn a little English, and helps me with my German too. She cried when she found out from DP that my M isn't very nice! She's always tried to do her best by us all. I feel very lucky.

It is lovely to read all these positives, I hope one day when DS grows up if I'm a MIL I can be just as supportive! I forgot to add, just before DH and I got married, MIL gave me the wedding ring of DH's great great grandmother for safe keeping as it's been passed down the wives of DH and FIL's family for over 100 years (it's not the ring we wear but we all take our turn to look after it until there is a new DIL in the family). It was so sweet, made me cry my eyes out! So I'm very lucky to have married into a long line of MILs who seem to have supported their DILs!

I am another one with a fantastic mil. She is 89 and getting frail but still 100% there Funny and interesting. I often spend my day of with her we tend to visit NT places as its accessible for her to get to in a wheelchair (she just cant cope with walking around anymore)

in 22 years we have had 2 diagrements I have had way more with dh

I often say I won the lottery when they handed out MILs

Oddly enough I think SIL's dh feels differently not sure why as obviously I havent been there when he has. However when MIL was in the hospital for 2 months earlier this year (and at one point we really didnt think she would make it) He didnt visit once.

I know BIL's partner likes her but they live 3 hours drive away so not close to do any type of aid.

I have got to a point where I don't really care I have a close and loving relationship with my MIL and my children have a engaged and loving grandma I think thats plenty for us.

I know MIL wont be around much longer and as I lost my mother last year that tugs on me a fair bit. I will miss her dearly when she passes. Just hope we get to keep her at least to celebrate her 90th in June. She would love one last time to have all her grandchildren around her Last time was FILs funeral and dd3 attended as a bump

teawamutu - we are due a DS in Feb. He's not even here yet and I am already taking notes on how to be a nice MIL!

Mine is amazing and has kept me sane for 20 years, with solid advice, fabulous cakes, and a wonderful bolt hole to escape to with 2 boys, for weekends of long walks in the country, board games, books, conversation and wonderful cooking. She has time for us.

My mum however has missed out on a lot, as she is rather set in her routine and ways, doesn't like being outside, and has never really got to know her Grandchildren. She loves them in their own way, is very generous and buys them lots of chocolate.

Mine can be a bit annoying but she loves DS soooooo much and he just adores her too.

He's a lucky boy to have two grannies who dote on him (and a wonderful papa too)

My MIL is bonkers but nice. She used to drive me nuts and we didn't get on because we didn't understand each other but after a few honest shouty conversations things are a million times better.

When I was ill a few years ago and in hospital, she dropped everything to come and support DH, and in the stressful, busy days before our wedding, she quietly picked up the slack with the boring jobs (walking the dogs, hoovering my house etc).

Now she has nothing but kind things to say about me and DH, we get on well and enjoy seeing her for a few days at a time when she comes down (she lives the other end of the country).

I should also say I think we get on so much better as we get on better than MIL and SIL do (SIL is a very selfish person with no time for MIL) so she appreciates me more, and MIL doesn't judge any decisions me and DH make, which is a lovely change for me as my parents judge and comment on everything!

My PILs are kind, generous and thoughtful. Despite serious health issues they do anything they can for us. They love me. And tell me. They love our kids. And tell them.

I hope that when I'm a MIL I can be half as good as them.

Fresh you said "The advantage of a MIL is that they meet you as an adult and treat you like an adult. I love my mother to bits but she is able to get away with the sort of unsolicited advice that MIL wouldn't try and give. (And I wish mother wouldn't give!)"

You've been lucky then because when my dc1 was born she acted like she thought I wasn't capable. Your other point raises my theory that people who get on with their Mils usually have a weaker relationship with their own mother. My situation with my mother is different to my mil -- my mother wont give unsolicited advice and tells me I'm doing a great job. My mil can't bear to tell me this. When my dc1 was born mil said you're doing a lo...(about to say lovely but changed it to)...nice job. Pranny.

I feel very lucky to have such fantastic PIL, they have treated me as part of the family from day one. They would do anything for us and have helped us decorate, given advice and love every step of the way. I know my DH says the same of my parents too and both sets of PIL get on really well with each other, to the point where my MIL often buys gifts for my Sister's children and my parents do the same,. I couldn't ask for better family.

However, I do realise that whilst some MIL cannot do right for doing wrong, that there are posters with genuinely toxic and nasty PIL and indeed parents, it makes me appreciate mine even more but I wouldn't want to undermine how awful and upsetting it must be in that situation.

Mine is great, relaxed, friendly, doesn't make judgmental comments.

My Mum in law and I had some severe issues in the beginning, I'm not going to go into it, but at the time I would have been well within my rights to cut her off completely.
However for the sake of my DH we worked through it, not always liking eachother, but always civil.
In the last two years though, the dynamic has changed, we had a bit of a heart to heart, and properly sorted the issues, rather than just sweeping it under the carpet as we had been, and we are very close now.
She is currently picking up DD for me after school so I was able to take a full time job, and won't take a penny for it. Between her and my SiL I am saving around £160 in childcare.
Even when we weren't always like this, right from the beginning she paid attention, she would buy me Christmas and birthday gifts that had a lot of thought put into them, based on things I'd said I'd liked through out the year.
She's always been great with the DC too, they've never noticed that for a long time we didn't like eachother. They've always felt very loved, and as GPs often do, they were spoiled rotten by her.

Mine is wonderful, like a second Mum to me

My MIL is lovely. I feel a bit sad that we only see PILs once or twice a year as they live in another country. I would love to be able to meet them for lunch every month or so. I often get a bit emotional after saying goodbye to them at the airport

Mine is lovely, she lives in a different country so comes to stay with us for a few weeks every couple of years, and we go to her every year.

When we stay with her she always makes us welcome in her home, lets us take over when we need to. She's a lovely granny, DC love her, she's fun and easy going. It goes both ways, I'd treat her as my own mother (well alomst ;-)); I gave her all my airmiles to fly business class when she last came over as I felt the flight was quite long for her. We also help her from time to time financially so she can lead the best possible life.

I genuinely enjoy her company. Oh and when she gets tipsy she spills the family secrets!

My MIL is a curate's egg. I've written about her at various times on here, out of sheer frustration.
She's been: controlling, pushy, rude, tactless and dismissive at various points in our 20+ yr relationship. Once she was so cruel that it seemed targeted - it was just selfishness that was very very badly expressed.

However, she is, at heart, a good person. I think she's been misguided in her thinking - I'm not pulling that out of my arse, I've got reason to believe it - and I decided to step back, make sure DH+DC saw PILs sometimes without me as well as not scheduling in things with MIL by myself.

It's worked a treat. It's so much easier to appreciate what's good about someone when you aren't firefighting constantly (in your own head?) because of the bad, irritating things. I accept that MIL and I should not spend a lot of time together - I am sure she feels the same - and the upside of that is family harmony and genuine pleasure in her company. I hope she can see I've tried; I can certainly see that she has and I have a lot of time for that.

So - not a perfect bliss or anything but better than "She's a narcissist, detach completely, this is a DH problem' etc which is about all you read on here sometimes.

Mine is nice enough, has interfered a bit in the past nothing major. We get on fine but don't see them all that much despite living walking distance away. She does come & take the kids out occassionally & spols them rotten. When we do see her she focuses on the kids, plays with them etc. Unlike my dm who has never taken them anywhere & shows very little interest in them. My dm is very self absorbed & has come into my house more than once & totally ignored my DC not even saying hello to them. Cant complain about MIL really!

OP I like these threads, tbh some of these i laws we see on here are crazy but there's also a lot of people who just never give them a chance, seems like their so scared that their own mum won't be important if they do. My MIL and I didn't have the best start, just totally different people but since having DD nearly 4years ago we've become really close and I now appreciate her in a completely different way. She's helpful, kind, is an amazing nanny to her granddaughter, would babysit anytime and I know she genuinely loves me. I definitely now think of her as someone I can always rely on and will be there for me. She's great.