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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make dd sell her some of her processions to pay for her phone bill?

133 replies

blurredlines · 13/10/2016 22:23

So got dd a phone contract with 4gb data. When she hits her limit it cuts of all other services so I haven't capped her spending.
She keeps going over her data and has spent an extra £50 this month bringing her bill to £60.
So we were having a clear out and we find her old Nintendo 3ds which she never plays on. Managed to sell it on eBay for £70 but told her she has to give me £50 towards the bill . Aibu?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 14/10/2016 10:05

You "suppose" most smart phones have internet access? You've given your daughter your old iPhone, you know what that phone can and can't do.

You ask how the internet on the phone can be more dangerous than a laptop at home? You can set filters and access on a laptop, parental controls. You can only allow a child to access a laptop in the same room as you are so you can physically see what they are viewing.

This is rapidly becoming on of those threads:

OP: AIBU?
95% of responders: YABU.
OP: No I'm not. Go fuck your sake.

Notso · 14/10/2016 10:08

To stay in contact with you she needs a phone. Not an iPhone and not a contract. She is clearly not responsible enough for anything more.

I won't get a contract for my 16 year old and my 12 year old doesn't have his own phone.

YelloDraw · 14/10/2016 10:11

How on earth is she getting through 4gb of data a month? That is a HUGE amount.

Sierra259 · 14/10/2016 10:16

Because at home, you are there too and again I personally wouldn't allow an 11yo unsupervised Internet access at home. They'd be using it downstairs in family areas only.

I think most of us are just concerned about what your DD is probably could be accessing or who she might be chatting to online. Have you had talks about online safety with her? She will lack the maturity at her age to make good decisions about who she interacts with. Also we're a bit Shock that your response to her disobedience regarding the data usage and running up a huge bill was to just indulge her with more data!

If you really can't get out of the new contract, reappropriate the phone for your own use or she can have restricted access (i.e at home only) with you getting her a basic calls and texts phone for emergencies during the day.

Notso · 14/10/2016 10:25

I can't be the only one who doesn't religiously check every single bit of Internet she is on?
No, there are loads of other parents who can't be bothered to check their children are safe online. Ironically most of them also say their kid needs a phone to keep them safe when they are out and about, "you never know who's around, there's a lot of nasty people out there."
There are even more online.

Original poster
blurredlines · 14/10/2016 10:26

Child abuse? Get a grip .

OP posts:
RB68 · 14/10/2016 10:28

My DD 11 has a contract with a small amount of data, it was used up in 5 days the first month and then cut off by the supplier. She was Poke hunting and got carried away - but she learnt that she doesn't have unlimited and to link to wifi when out and about or at home wherever possible. We have also taught her about security on wifi out and about.

She knows all the safety rules , she does chat to certain people - but only people she knows in real life and a select group of those - everything is linked to my accounts so I have full access and do monitor it - more so than others parents I have found.

I think maturity depends on the child, I think understanding the technology depends on the child - I think it is a parents decision old enough or not. DD also has a reasonable us journey too and from school but she also chooses to read rather than just message etc

RB68 · 14/10/2016 10:28

ps I don't see the problem with selling things to pay it either whether or not she gets anything out of the sale at the end of the day. But I would go in and get a cap put on it asap.

GladAllOver · 14/10/2016 10:29

Well you can tell me to fuck my sake if you like, but I think you are being entirely unreasonable and you are spoiling her.

She is learning to ignore limits because mother will always put things right for her. Will she apply the same principle to credit cards? Drinking? Sex?

Does she wait at the bus stop or walk the street with her nose in the phone? That's dangerous for all sorts of reasons.

And to spend an hour's journey looking into YouTube videos is just wrong. As others have said, get her a book. Perhaps a Kindle with a selection of reading material.

differentnameforthis · 14/10/2016 10:33

In that case, she is too young for the responsibility.

MammaBooBoo · 14/10/2016 10:33

Youtube takes up so much data. I've accidently gone over my mobile data from youtube a couple of times. I really would go for a cap on usage or the extra costs will get quite silly.

If you want your daughter to have a phone you have to teach her to use it properly. Youtube and high data games only used with wifi, and maybe help her find a few offline games that she can play on the bus. Card and puzzle based games are usually offline, like sudoku.

Hope this ends up being only a one off. It's so easy these days for kids to go overboard with new tech :) goodluck!

monkeywithacowface · 14/10/2016 10:35

It's a really easy problem to solve you just need to switch back to giffgaff. I'm surprised you're surprised. I'm even more surprised by your reluctance to just switch to something that caps data useage but still allows calls. Honestly it's not a difficult problem to solve Confused

Original poster
blurredlines · 14/10/2016 10:35

Yep had all the talks about safety online etc .
My question was only regarding punishment .
I'm honestly really surprised at the comments as most of my friends and hers who are / have 11 year old have the same access online.

My comment on the poor parenting still stands.

OP posts:
Original poster
blurredlines · 14/10/2016 10:38

I can't switch as Its a year contract . I spoke to talk mobile a few days ago and they said it will stop all services if you go over on mins , text , data etc

OP posts:
witsender · 14/10/2016 10:40

That's ridiculous. I'm on O2 and if I get near my limit my data gets cut off. I have to go online and buy a bundle if I want to continue using it, but calls and texts are separate to data.

Speak to them again!

witsender · 14/10/2016 10:41

But whatever happened to books? Why does she need a smartphone, give her an ordinary handset or one without data, and she can take a book with her.

Original poster
blurredlines · 14/10/2016 10:44

A Book is a good idea !

OP posts:
eyebrowsonfleek · 14/10/2016 10:44

You can download YouTube videos to phones to watch offline.
It is insane that you are letting her and paying for the ability to watch a couple of hours of YouTube on 4G every school day. If she refuses to stay within the limits then she is proving that she is too immature for a contract.

hettie · 14/10/2016 10:48

I am staggered at how blasé many parents are about intent safety....thete is no way I would let an 11 year old have unfettered access to the internet anywhere, home, bus anywhere.... And I'm not some paranoid moron who worries about paedophiles on every street. The risk of online grooming is low, but the risk of being exposed to really horrid, frightening images, getting involved in inappropriate online communities (pro self harm, pro anorexia websites) or just have your self esteem eroded by the constant self promoting search for perfection and 'likes' is huge.
OP have you completely missed the recent headlines about escalating levels of mental health in teenage girls and the role of social media? I'm sure Apple and Samsung and youtube and all the apps manufactures would love us all to believe that it's normal and essential for 11 year old kids to have fully enabled smart phones. But they are multi billion dollar companies, with sophisticated marketing departments.... Adopt some critical thinking .....

HermioneJeanGranger · 14/10/2016 10:49

Of course you can switch, you'll just have to pay off the rest of the contract early. She's clearly too young to be trusted with the responsibility of a smart phone with data, but you made the mistake of getting her a phone with costly data in the first place.

Why does she need a phone with data at 11 anyway? Surely she can just connect via wi-fi at home?

Spam88 · 14/10/2016 10:49

Can you speak to them again about the capping? I can't understand why you'd get your remaining minutes taken away just for using all your data Confused surely there's just been some confusion here?

With regards to the punishment, if it wasn't discussed that she'd have to pay you back for it then I think it's possibly unfair. You should certainly be sitting down with her and having a discussion about her data usage, turn off 3G to high use apps (YouTube and App Store as a minimum) and tell her that if she exceeds it in future then she will have to pay the extra money, even if that means having to sell some of her belongings.

Notso · 14/10/2016 10:49

Yep had all the talks about safety online etc.
Oh well that's ok then, because she obviously listens to you. Just like she listened to you about not going over the data limit.

ShatnersWig · 14/10/2016 10:50

Blurred Sorry, but I do not believe for one minute that the majority of your friends/her friends have pretty much unlimited data on their phones with no caps.

And even if they did, it doesn't mean you have to.

Most of my friends with 11-years old do not give them smartphones. They have a basic PAYG handset with an absolute minimum amount on per phone for the ability to call home. Most of them tend to get allowed a smartphone in their early teens but even then only a basic package to prevent mad use.

eyebrowsonfleek · 14/10/2016 10:51

If you can't change contracts then get her to keep a second (crappy) phone in her bag and cap the original phone. When my kids have run out of battery and needed to call me they just asked to borrow a friend's phone and called me. (They know my number off by heart)
It's not normal to consistently go over data allowance. My teens have done it a couple of times but use tricks like downloading YouTube videos to watch offline when they know that they won't have wifi access.

eyebrowsonfleek · 14/10/2016 10:52

Nothing stopping you from taking out the contract sim and replacing with a PAYG sim from the same operator.