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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make dd sell her some of her processions to pay for her phone bill?

133 replies

blurredlines · 13/10/2016 22:23

So got dd a phone contract with 4gb data. When she hits her limit it cuts of all other services so I haven't capped her spending.
She keeps going over her data and has spent an extra £50 this month bringing her bill to £60.
So we were having a clear out and we find her old Nintendo 3ds which she never plays on. Managed to sell it on eBay for £70 but told her she has to give me £50 towards the bill . Aibu?

OP posts:

GabsAlot · 14/10/2016 09:01

change it to tesco mobile then

you'll sve money even if you have to pay off a contract

theyre ripping u off just adding more and more data

waterrat · 14/10/2016 09:02

Also surely data is separate usage to making calls.

SoupDragon · 14/10/2016 09:02

Switch to another provider where she can't go over her limit and run up a bill.

We are all with GiffGaff. When the data runs out, that's it. You can add credit to the phone to add "pay per MB" data but if there is no money on the phone, there is no data.

Original poster

blurredlines · 14/10/2016 09:05

She doesn't have any social media accounts . I'm pretty sure it's YouTube and gaming blogs

OP posts:

dontpokethebear · 14/10/2016 09:05

So you asked her not to turn on the data and she turned it on anyway?
She sounds like a madam and I think using the proceeds from the sale of the DS is a perfect consequence.

PoldarksBreeches · 14/10/2016 09:06

You can't check what she's been watching on YouTube, so she could be watching all manner of inappropriate things. Even having parental controls on YouTube isn't reliable.

LIZS · 14/10/2016 09:09

If she's with others on the bus I'd be surprised if there is no social media use. If she can't be trusted not to turn her data on when you expressly told her not to, she isn't responsible enough to have free access to www. Take the phone away for a while and get a cheap payg so she learns what the priority of having one is.

Hiphopopotamus · 14/10/2016 09:11

But she's not actually losing anything. She's getting her data allowance tripled and she's getting £20 in her hand. What's she going to learn from that?

dontpokethebear · 14/10/2016 09:14

hiphopopotamus she's learning that her mum is a pushover

Discobabe · 14/10/2016 09:18

You can check whats watched on youtube.

I would move her to a different provider where you can cap her data without it affecting other services if she hasn't learnt her lesson this time.

Pluto30 · 14/10/2016 09:25

4gb+ is a huge amount of data...

I'm constantly on my phone and yet have rarely exceeded 4gb.

Selling something she no longer uses isn't going to make her learn a lesson. It doesn't hurt or affect her in any way. It would've been better to take something she values (whether to sell it or to just keep it for a while), or to take money from her savings, or to make her do jobs around the house etc. to earn the money to then pay you back.

I ran up a phone (not data) bill when I was 12/13-ish and my mum took every last cent from my savings (pocket and birthday money collected over the years) to pay it off. I don't think I touched the phone for about a year after that, and have never made the same mistake again. She says now that she thinks it was harsh, but I've reassured her that it was necessary.

titchy · 14/10/2016 09:28

Buy her a cheap PAYG with no internet access and a book.

And don't kid yourself she doesn't have social media - she does, but hides it. It's not terribly difficult.

littlepippip · 14/10/2016 09:30

I would not give an 11y old a phone! but I don't think you are BU to get her to pay, she needs to learn that there are consequences.

callmeadoctor · 14/10/2016 09:31

I dont understand that you have to have the data to use the phone? My dd is on a PAYG, I put a tenna a month on, which gives her free texts and some call time. She does have some data but doesn't use it as she relies on free wi fi. If on a bus, she could download some programmes off our Amazon account (£7 ish a month) or listen to music and read a book.
There is really no need for her to have mobile data. I would also agree that for an 11 year old it is difficult to keep track, so much easier to remove the ability. Good luck with it all, but she really doesn't need data at all.

Original poster

blurredlines · 14/10/2016 09:32

Probably am I pushover. She's a really good kid and has never been in trouble with school etc.
This is the first time I've really hit the roof.

OP posts:

SweetTeaVodka · 14/10/2016 09:33

When you gave her this phone/contract did you explain to her the usage limits and what consequences she would incur if she exceeded them? Did you ensure she knew how to monitor her data usage and understand how to limit it (changing app settings and so on)?

If not I think it's unfair to punish her for something she didn't know not to do (although I see you did ask her after she had already exceeded the limits to turn off data and she turned it back on - this of course should be addressed).

It's incredibly irresponsible to allow an 11 year old free access to the Internet unsupervised. I say this as someone who had undersupervised access to the Internet from the age of 12 and was consuming porn and erotica not long after. Didn't take me long at all to work out how to cover my tracks and hide my history from my parents.

I'm also surgically attached to my smart phone, regularly watch streaming media and read gaming blogs and use a lot of social media and play casual games - I am staggered that she managed to get through that amount of data with YouTube on the bus to school.

Original poster

blurredlines · 14/10/2016 09:34

Would not give an 11 year old a phone ? I'm really surprised as everyone of her friends has one.

She has my old iPhone 5

OP posts:

Meadows76 · 14/10/2016 09:35

Goodness no way would I make her pay towards it. She is 11 just. It is your responsibility. Cap it or get her a paybas you go!!

paxillin · 14/10/2016 09:39

Yes, use her money. I would actually tell her if it happens again it's a £10 not-smart phone from Tesco and a book for the journey in future.

I think it is really terrible for an 11 year old to have free access to the internet and watch youtube for an hour, but you clearly don't. Do check there aren't any hidden apps. 11 is too young to meaningfully self-regulate.

titchy · 14/10/2016 09:41

Having a phone is fine. Having a contract with 14Gb of data is totally and utterly irresponsible.

AnythingGoesWithMe · 14/10/2016 09:43

You need to get her a contract with tesco. I have one. It's capped but if you haven't spent all your texts and minutes then they still work even if the data doesn't. It stops you running up a huge bill.
Have you investigated the cap options correctly on the contract she is on? As it's unusual for it to stop calls if you are under the included limit

SweetTeaVodka · 14/10/2016 09:46

Having a phone at 11 is not the issue (I think I was 13 when I got one, but there were no such thing as smartphones then and it's was PAYG to contact my parents and arrange what time is go to the cinema with my mates on a weekend and play snake .

It's the access to the Internet that is the issue for me.

Original poster

blurredlines · 14/10/2016 09:55

I suppose most smart phone have Internet access.
I can't be the only one who doesn't religiously check every single bit of Internet she's on ?

how is using the Internet on the phone more dangerous than using a laptop at home ? ( barring the cost)

OP posts:

specialsubject · 14/10/2016 09:59

Bit late to check her history if she has already viewed the porn or horror movie...

But clearly a simple call/text and a book is modern-day child abuse.

NapQueen · 14/10/2016 10:03

OP I'd just swap her smartphone for an older handset for school. She can use the iPhone 5 at home and weekends when you can be on the ball more with it.

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