To hate addressing a letter to a women using husband's initials

[justarandomer]

On an address with the name as say;

Mrs M E Smith
When women is called Patricia Smith
But husband is Martin Edward Smith.

Why not Mrs P Smith

There must be a fancy term for this.

My MIL does it. It sends me up the F wall. I am a person in my own right than you very much.

On a birthday card or something personal she will still write it as
Mrs M E Smith.

I think she does it because she sees son as coming from above me, and so I'm lucky to be part of her dynastey.

I'm old school.

My late DM was always Mrs DF 's initial+ his surname.

When my dear old dad died , I immediately addressed her as Mrs her initial +his surname.

Seemed to work.

It's never happened to me.

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I recently got a letter addressed this way. I used to be involved in an organisation - I'd been a member for years, and ran their website, and as I had set it up, the payments for the website host had come out of my account, so when I left, and handed it all over, I reminded them they needed to change the payment details - but they forgot, so the money went from my account.

I asked them to pay me back, and although they did so promptly, the letter came addressed to me with dh's initials - and since the treasurer had known me for years and years, I felt this was a very pointed 'fuck you' - because I had left.

I am 62 and was taught as a child (so 1960s) to address things to a married couple as Mr & Mrs (his initials) Smith but to a woman only as Mrs/Miss (her initials) Smith whether she was single/married/divorced/widowed.

There was none of this Mrs (his initials) Smith even back then.

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Though it was interesting to see my own contribution (with different username) here on the last page here. I still agree with myself!

Ohhh bum - how did I not notice??

I don't do it, I do either Mr and Mrs Smith, or Mr M and Mrs P Smith for example.

Ooops I didn't notice either

I am a person in my own right than you very much.

My colleagues and I often comment on this with the documents we see daily. It's so patronising, as if a woman choosing to take her husband's surname means she's agreed to give up her entire identity.

That also seems like an extremely formal way for your MIL to address her son and his wife!

When I address mail to family I'll just put it as "Jane and John Smith". I put the blood relative's name first.

Oh another zombie thread. We'll it's still relevant since I still see people doing daily what the OP complained about.

So weird to care about this when you changed your surname to his. Why do that?

Yanbu
It's my wedding anniversary soon. I am Ms Dhsurname.

His parents have sent a card to mr and Mrs dhsurname

MY parents (well it's written by my dad) have addressed their cardto mr and Mrs DHinitial DHsurname

I am not amused.

Itsbetter - I wanted to double Harrell but DH didn't want to and it didn't seem worth the argument. Our children have my original surname as a middle name and I am starting to use ms Myname DHname in general life anyway.

*double barrel

Because you are Mrs husband therefore you are Mrs John Smith.

Do people still do this? I'm amazed. My MIL still does it (DW is Mrs M Bob) but then she's 94!

MIL is 94 NOT DW!

It is antiquated. I would use Mr and Mrs M Smith or Mrs P Smith, not Mrs M Smith.

It relates to the woman being part of her husband rather than a separate person. Think how Meghan Markle is now Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, but she is also Princess Henry of Wales as she derives that from her husband.

Who cares if it is a zombie thread!?

It is an antiquated form of address. I was taught, by my old-school parents when I was a child, that it was THE only correct way to do things. I have ignored them. I address a woman as a person in her own right. She is not a possession of her husband's.

I would address a letter to the woman as to Mrs. Patricia Smith. I would address a joint letter to Mr. Martin Smith and Mrs. Patricia Smith.

Jackie, ‘Old-fashioned’ Isn’t a problem. Erasing a woman’s independent identity and subsuming it into her husband’s is, as is surely obvious. It is also incredibly rude, as is surely equally obvious.

Can beat that, have recently taken put a joint account with santander. I set up all the application and transfers ect. All documentation has come in my DH name excepting my card and pin.
They also send him all the emails 're the account.

I am regretting moving now

MIL does this. Sends cards etc to Mrs Hisfirstname Hissurname.
I didn't change my name when I got married. I'm still Ms Hilda Zelda. I'm not Mrs anything.

She does it because she knows it pisses me off. Anything that comes like that now goes straight into the bin.

I don't care if it's a zombie thread, I'm commenting anyway

I chose to take my DHs surname because I couldn't stand the idea of double-brarreling, and preferred DH's surname over mine as it was more unique and interesting. We could have just as easily chosen my surname if we happened to prefer that. Or a completely different one entirely.

When I got referred to as Mrs DHinitial DHsurname I felt like a non-person. Like I only existed as something that he owned. It's not something we need to pursue for the sake of traditionalism in 2018!

I would be willing to bet that there aren't many people who would feel comfortable calling a man Mr Jane Bloggs. As usual, women are allowed to be like men because men are 'better' but a man is not allowed to be like a woman because they are 'inferior.' If a man is referred to as a woman in any kind of way the thought is always that you are implying he's weak/less than he should be/not good enough. I look forward to a day when people don't think like this any more. I think we are getting there – slowly.