To hate addressing a letter to a women using husband's initials

[justarandomer]

On an address with the name as say;

Mrs M E Smith
When women is called Patricia Smith
But husband is Martin Edward Smith.

Why not Mrs P Smith

There must be a fancy term for this.

My MIL does it. It sends me up the F wall. I am a person in my own right than you very much.

On a birthday card or something personal she will still write it as
Mrs M E Smith.

I think she does it because she sees son as coming from above me, and so I'm lucky to be part of her dynastey.

It's terribly old fashioned. Personally I would rather be seen as part of the 21st century than seen to be "correct". I am secure enough in my own social etiquette to be happy to do this "wrong".

"I assume any woman who has given up her surname is aware of what it entails."

Um, yes. Giving up my surname involves giving up my surname. It doesn't involve changing my first name.

Anyone who says this is "correct" is wrong as a matter of fact. It is in fact incorrect to address me using DH's first name, as that is not my name.

Old-fashioned etiquette does not equal "correct".

Yanbu. It's yucky.

Personally I don't use any titles any more if I can help it. Letters go to Mary Smith or Smith family, The Smiths, John & Mary Smith or whatever.

Yanbu. It is irredeemably awful, went out with the Ark and cannot possibly be considered correct address when so many people object to it and others aren't even aware it exists. People can call themselves any fool thing they like, but the line is drawn at imposing your preferences on others names.

Also, those who are saying this can all be avoided by keeping your own name are, sadly, mistaken. I did and it still happens to me. I think mostly because of ignorance not deliberate rudeness, but still not appropriate.

But how many people really use this form of address any more? My parents and their friends are all in their 80s and frightfully 'proper' about that sort of thing but even they don't stick to it. Sometimes I add 'Esq' to my Dad's name if I am sending him something and not including my mother, but that's just really as a family joke.

I am almost 60 and don't think anyone addresses myas Mrs Husband's initial surname. .

I don't like this, but I don't think, in 20 years of marriage I dont think I've been individually referred to as Mrs John Freaks. However, Mr and Mrs J Freaks is still annoyingly common. As is husband first, then wife, when addressed together.

Glad that no one yet has used Debretts as a justification for this nonsense, though several have mentioned that things are "correct" . What the fuck does that mean?

I have noticed that the dc schools have modernised a bit and we now get things to Mr and Ms

I'm Miss BowieFan at work and will stay that way so as not to confuse everything. When I marry DP next year (20th anniversary) I will be Mrs DP's Surname on my bank account and all that. I don't really mind if they call me Mrs DP's Initial DP's Surname. I just don't get why people get so worked up about it.

YANBU - it's really old fashioned and I look forward to a time where it dies out to the point where it is only seen in Jan Austen novels!
I'm not married so I've never been on the receiving end if it, but I would never address a letter that way.

I quite like it, but I accept that I'm a bit of a dinosaur.

I've never changed my surname (probably a good thing all round at the rate I go through husbands)

This made me smile. Thank you milliemolliemou

It always used to drive me mad when post arrived addressed to "The DP's surname family". Not me then? I always used to tell him to take it to his parents house, as it was obviously mis-delivered. Strangely it was my side of the family that used to do this. It seems to have stopped now he's left

Traditionally that is the correct way to address a married woman who has taken her husband's surname.
Many people these days do not do this, but it is the actual correct way.
I'm married and have my husbands surname, it doesn't bother me at all. But I am quite traditional about things like that

it is the actual correct way

Why? And according to whom, kel?
Correct is entirely subjective in this case.

That's how I address letters and I'm 30... It is the correct way to address a married woman.

As far as I'm aware, something like Mrs. Jane Smith is incorrect. It is either Jane Smith or Mrs. Peter Smith. Mrs. means "the wife of" so "the wife of Jane Smith" doesn't make sense even though most mail is addressed this way. I addressed all my wedding invites this way and all Christmas cards etc. It's old fashioned, yes, but the correct etiquette. I assume that if people didn't want to be known as their husband's name then they'd keep their own name on marriage.

I just address letters to Mr & Mrs Smith, I don't bother with initials. I hate receiving letters addressed to Mr & Mrs D Sparkly when my initial isn't D! I changed my surname when I got married, not my Christian name!

Explain "correct etiquette" milkshake

Judging by this thread, the majority if women don't like this, so how can it be correct? And, quite apart from the fact that while some women do take their husband's surname, they dont take his first name, there are many women who have kept their own names and are still encountering this crap.

Oops, haven't had coffee yet, so am a bit grammar-blind!

you HATE it? - talk about over-reaction.
If you address a married woman or a married man use their own initial/name then you won't have to hate it so much. It is what I always do.

If this is the worst thing you can find to HATE - I wonder about how you prioritize what you dislike so much

My mother always used to get post addressed this way from her MIL. She always threw it straight in the bin.

It's the old antiquated formal 'correct' address form. My late DM was taught it when she was a legal secretary after the war. Old folks still use it quite a lot, but I don't read anything into it.

She found it really upsetting though, when she got a letter addressed to Mrs(DHinitials)Surname a few days after he'd died.

I would post it back saying nobody of that name at this address , yanbu

I've always used this form of address, this is how we were taught to write letters at school and I'm in my forties.
I also address my nephews as Master, much to their amusement.
I just like doing things properly and the fact that it's considered a bit old fashioned doesn't make it less attractive to me.
It comforts me to know that in world where people can be famous for a sex tape there are still old school standards.
This thread has made me worry I'm just offending everyone, I really don't mean to.

Old-fashioned etiquette does not equal "correct".

Exactly.

I wouldn't be too perturbed if it was from my 99 year old great aunt. But anyone younger than that would be treading on thin ice to do this to me.

'Correct' my arse.

I also address my nephews as Master, much to their amusement.

Ditto.

"She found it really upsetting though, when she got a letter addressed to Mrs(DHinitials)Surname a few days after he'd died."

But that is actually "correct" A widow can be Mrs John or Mrs Jane. A divorcee can only be Mrs Jane...........

It's all bullshit. But no more bullshit than taking a man's last name on marriage or automatically giving children their father's name............