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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ban discussions of weight with size 8 friend?

37 replies

fatperson2016 · 13/10/2016 21:58

Because I can't cope with her repeatedly saying how fat she is, how huge, and so on. I am at least a size 18 on a good day!

AIBU

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 13/10/2016 22:02

You are, and you aren't.

She's perfectly entitled to her feelings. You don't get to decide that yours are more important than hers, or that you have it worse.

But then again, listening to anybody talking about their weight is fucking boring. Pfft.

Do you talk about your weight?

SlottedSpoon · 13/10/2016 22:03

YANBU.

Even if she has issues where she genuinely believes she is too fat, then she should have enough self awareness and intelligence to realise that it's pointless/insensitive/ridiculous to expect you to agree that she is fat, (which would be the wrong answer anyway) or to waste your time and energy soothing to fragile ego of someone who is half the size of you.

BabyGanoush · 13/10/2016 22:04

Yanbu

Can't she see that if she calls herself fat at size 8, the implication is that she must think you are enormous?!

It's so insensitive and self centred of her

Queenbean · 13/10/2016 22:04

Can't everyone stop talking about their weight in conversation?

NOTHING is more boring

Original poster

fatperson2016 · 13/10/2016 22:05

Well yes, this is it!

I mean in fairness I am pretty vast but I can deduce this myself.

OP posts:

Sparklesilverglitter · 13/10/2016 22:05

Everybody has different hang ups about there body, not matter what there size and people are allowed to feel that way about there own bodies.

So yabu and YANBU

I agree with pp any talk about weight from any size person is fucking boring

Fairylea · 13/10/2016 22:09

I'm a size 16-18 and to me there is nothing more boring that discussing weight. I am not remotely interested in it or what I eat. I have been this size for the last God knows how many years and it's fine by me. I couldn't be friends with anyone who thought weight was an interesting topic of discussion.

Coffeechocolatecake · 13/10/2016 22:10

Weight talk is such a bore whatever size you are!

She is entitled to have hang ups about her body the same as you. So yabu and YANBU

StrawberryMouse · 13/10/2016 22:12

I think yab a bit unreasonable. How she feels about herself in her own body has no reflection on you. Weight is such a personal thing. She can feel she needs to lose weight while also looking at you and thinking you look fine. I'm always amazed at my friends' hang ups about their looks. Everyone has them it seems and they're never what I expect.

BabyGanoush · 14/10/2016 07:28

Just realised I don't have friends who talk weight, ...lucky!

ByeByeLilSebastian · 14/10/2016 07:33

Yabu a bit, but I think I'd feel the same as you.

CatMom75 · 14/10/2016 07:37

It's insensitive but everyone zooms in on their own insecurities. She sees her own bad bits...but any you might perceive....so she probably doesn't realise how it sounds to you.

YABU to think a size 8 can't have body hang ups and has no right to express those if weight is a conversation in your friendship group.

Body confidence is very much that...confidence and doesn't always relate to size. I've been a 6-12 (currently 10) and am never confident about my body as despite not being fat as such I am short and have horrendous cellulite.

Yes I'm a 10 but my size 16 friend with great legs and arse looks much better in a bikini than me!!!!!!

Why don't you explain to her how it makes you feel if you're good friends? She'll probably be mortified....but don't trivialise her insecurities on size alone

Perfectlypurple · 14/10/2016 07:39

I have a friend who is size 6 to 8. She thinks she is fat. She has massive food and exercise issues. She exercises at least twice a day for hours, getting up at 4 am to fit a session in before work. She never eats anything with fat or sugar in. If she binges on healthy food she throws it up. I am a lot bigger. When she is upset she has put on weight she isn't thinking about my size or thinking I am disgusting. Her eating disorder is just so ingrained in her she doesn't see herself as she really is.

FluffyFluffster · 14/10/2016 07:44

I have a friend and I'm the only one she feels she can actually vocalise and discuss her body image issues for this reason. People insinuate she doesn't deserve to have these issues because they perceive her as 'body goals' and can't fathom why she has these issues in the first place. She genuinely doesn't see my size and tells me off if I call myself fat (I'm definitely a bit pudgy).

You're friends issues are hers, not yours. She doesn't have them so that you feel bad about yourself, she has them because SHE feels bad about herself. So yes, I think yabu.

I do agree with pp's that it makes boring lunch and wine conversation though.

Original poster

fatperson2016 · 14/10/2016 07:46

My friend doesn't have an ED though - that's different territory. She just moans about everything her weight and it does make me s bit self conscious!

OP posts:

SlottedSpoon · 17/10/2016 07:49

YABU to think a size 8 can't have body hang ups and has no right to express those if weight is a conversation in your friendship group.

Of course you have a 'right' to express whatever the hell you want, but you've got to be some sort of Grad A cunt to bang on about how fat you are and how much you hate your size 8 pot belly and thunder thighs to your size 18 friend. If you can't see how that makes you an insensitive passive aggressive self-absorbed twat then there is no hope.

myownprivateidaho · 17/10/2016 07:50

She's allowed to have her hang-ups yes, but she's being completely insensitive. It doesn't take a genius to work out the implications of her comments for you. Definitely tell her to shut up.

SlottedSpoon · 17/10/2016 07:51

Because actually, you may just as well come out with it and say 'I find you revolting. I can barely tolerate looking like this so if i had to look like you I'd throw myself off a cliff.'

This is the message big girls get every time a slim girl bangs on about her weight.

JoJoSM2 · 17/10/2016 08:12

If we were to follow this train of thought, then I couldn't talk about hols with someone who isn't going away anytime soon, couldn't talk about my husband with a single girl or discuss my new kitchen with someone with an ugly kitchen... the problem stems from your own insecurities and your friend just talks about what's on her mind... I reckon once you've addressed your own self esteem, her chat won't be a problem to you.

TheStoic · 17/10/2016 08:15

Kind of like a wealthy person banging on about money troubles to someone who is doing it tough.

Sure they may be 'worried' - but get some fucking perspective beyond the end of your nose.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 17/10/2016 08:20

I never talk about weight with anyone,it's such a boring topic. Even when I lost nearly 3 stone and people started commenting I changed the subject pretty quick as to me it's like discussing how you cleaned your teeth that morning - yawn!

SlottedSpoon · 17/10/2016 08:21

Those are not good examples JoJo. They aren't the same at all.

But since you mentioned it, you can talk about any of those things with any of those people, but you should be careful not to come across as smug and boasty to people who have a lot less than you. There is mentioning something in a perfectly reasonable way and there is banging on about it and rubbing people's nose in it.

SaucyJack · 17/10/2016 09:08

You're the one that's sounding self-absorbed TBH spoon.

I am fat. Life still carries on for other people.

PuntCuffin · 17/10/2016 10:26

I am a size 8. My bone structure is more like a 4-6. I have a very small frame and am barely 5' tall. Even at an 8 I am overweight whether you perceive it that way or not. My view of myself is not a judgement on anyone else.

FRETGNIKCUF · 17/10/2016 10:28

Someone who is a size eight may feel just as bad about their body as you;.

I'm a 10, usually an 8 and a friend told me when I said I was feeling low and helpless having never been this big that she'd lost a stone really quick;y(she has about five to lose) and how great she was feeling.

Being larger doesn't mean your feelings are any more valid.

Stop talking about weight.

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