To ban discussions of weight with size 8 friend?

[fatperson2016]

Because I can't cope with her repeatedly saying how fat she is, how huge, and so on. I am at least a size 18 on a good day!

AIBU

[fishonabicycle]

I think it is insensitive. I'm fairly small and have worked really hard with exercise and diet over the last 6-7 months to change my shape. I was an 8-10 but loathed my body. I've lost 5-6 kg and feel masses more confident now, but it would still have been a bit short sighted to complain about being a few kilos overweight to someone who is a lot larger.

[kali110]

Really don't think ops friend is insensitive or trying to make herself feel better!
Not everybody is comfortable with their size. Just because the op's friend is smaller doesn't mean she is happy with her size.
I have friends who are bigger and smaller.
I've put weight on in last year and desperately want to lose it.
None of my friends can tell.
My friend who is bigger and i are on a diet.
We both talk about trying to lose weight. I certainly don't moan about my body to make myself feel better
Or that if i was her size i'd want to 'throw myself off a cliff'. My friend looks great whatever size she is, i don't.
I don't think my skinner friends complaining are insensitive or trying to make themselves feel better either.

[RabbitSaysWoof]

My friend who is large - I don't know what size, always draws attention to her size, calls herself names etc. I never know what to say to her in response, when I'm with her I don't think of her as my big friend, she is just my friend but when she brings it up she is right she is big, but obviously I don't agree out loud, but she is too large to say "don't be silly" I usually say nothing.

[Jointhejoyrun75]

I bore about exercise probably when I find someone willing to listen, but would never talk about my weight. It is very annoying when people moan about it.

OP, I'd agree that your friend is very insensitive.

[PoppyBirdOnAWire]

OP:
She is insensitive and just trying to make herself feel even thinner. Not nice.

[TheSconeOfStone]

YANBU. Being a size 16 myself I assume skinny people who moan about their weight are stealth boasting or trying to make me feel bad. It's at best insensitive.

It would be like me moaning about how skint we are after buying a house this year and spending a fortune on doing it up to people who can't afford to buy.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Ignore and change the subject.

[specialsubject]

Indeed. Dullsville, Arizona!

[lasttimeround]

Not unreasonable. Find a less boring friend.

[BolshierAryaStark]

The only person in my circle of friends that has body issues is also the slimest, probably a size 8-talks constantly about food & working out, bores the arse off me & I just tend to zone out.

[ClopySow]

YABU. Body image is not directly related to body size. She's not saying anything about you when she's complaining about her body, she's talking about herself.

[Remote99]

I wish my obese friend would stop going on about her weight. I am bored silly with all the weight talk. I have been really supportive for years but it is getting tedious. She has managed to lose tiny amounts of weight which she then puts back on.

I am a size 10 but want to lose a stone. I would never tell her though.

[FRETGNIKCUF]

Someone who is a size eight may feel just as bad about their body as you;.

I'm a 10, usually an 8 and a friend told me when I said I was feeling low and helpless having never been this big that she'd lost a stone really quick;y(she has about five to lose) and how great she was feeling.

Being larger doesn't mean your feelings are any more valid.

Stop talking about weight.

[PuntCuffin]

I am a size 8. My bone structure is more like a 4-6. I have a very small frame and am barely 5' tall. Even at an 8 I am overweight whether you perceive it that way or not. My view of myself is not a judgement on anyone else.

[SaucyJack]

You're the one that's sounding self-absorbed TBH spoon.

I am fat. Life still carries on for other people.

[SlottedSpoon]

Those are not good examples JoJo. They aren't the same at all.

But since you mentioned it, you can talk about any of those things with any of those people, but you should be careful not to come across as smug and boasty to people who have a lot less than you. There is mentioning something in a perfectly reasonable way and there is banging on about it and rubbing people's nose in it.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I never talk about weight with anyone,it's such a boring topic. Even when I lost nearly 3 stone and people started commenting I changed the subject pretty quick as to me it's like discussing how you cleaned your teeth that morning - yawn!

[TheStoic]

Kind of like a wealthy person banging on about money troubles to someone who is doing it tough.

Sure they may be 'worried' - but get some fucking perspective beyond the end of your nose.

[JoJoSM2]

If we were to follow this train of thought, then I couldn't talk about hols with someone who isn't going away anytime soon, couldn't talk about my husband with a single girl or discuss my new kitchen with someone with an ugly kitchen... the problem stems from your own insecurities and your friend just talks about what's on her mind... I reckon once you've addressed your own self esteem, her chat won't be a problem to you.

[SlottedSpoon]

Because actually, you may just as well come out with it and say 'I find you revolting. I can barely tolerate looking like this so if i had to look like you I'd throw myself off a cliff.'

This is the message big girls get every time a slim girl bangs on about her weight.

[myownprivateidaho]

She's allowed to have her hang-ups yes, but she's being completely insensitive. It doesn't take a genius to work out the implications of her comments for you. Definitely tell her to shut up.

[SlottedSpoon]

YABU to think a size 8 can't have body hang ups and has no right to express those if weight is a conversation in your friendship group.

Of course you have a 'right' to express whatever the hell you want, but you've got to be some sort of Grad A cunt to bang on about how fat you are and how much you hate your size 8 pot belly and thunder thighs to your size 18 friend. If you can't see how that makes you an insensitive passive aggressive self-absorbed twat then there is no hope.

[fatperson2016]

My friend doesn't have an ED though - that's different territory. She just moans about everything her weight and it does make me s bit self conscious!

[FluffyFluffster]

I have a friend and I'm the only one she feels she can actually vocalise and discuss her body image issues for this reason. People insinuate she doesn't deserve to have these issues because they perceive her as 'body goals' and can't fathom why she has these issues in the first place. She genuinely doesn't see my size and tells me off if I call myself fat (I'm definitely a bit pudgy).

You're friends issues are hers, not yours. She doesn't have them so that you feel bad about yourself, she has them because SHE feels bad about herself. So yes, I think yabu.

I do agree with pp's that it makes boring lunch and wine conversation though.

[Perfectlypurple]

I have a friend who is size 6 to 8. She thinks she is fat. She has massive food and exercise issues. She exercises at least twice a day for hours, getting up at 4 am to fit a session in before work. She never eats anything with fat or sugar in. If she binges on healthy food she throws it up. I am a lot bigger. When she is upset she has put on weight she isn't thinking about my size or thinking I am disgusting. Her eating disorder is just so ingrained in her she doesn't see herself as she really is.