I *think* FIL let himself into our house

[Doublemint]

Came home to find the kitchen bin up against the dishwasher, which I thought was odd but dismissed it thinking it might have been the toddler or dog.

Made lunch for me and DCs then nipped into the downstairs bathroom for a wee.

The bathroom is a total mess. There's a bucket on top of a bag of clean washing the free standing set of drawers are in the middle of the floor, kids toys also on the floor.

All the above stuff is usually in a full height door less cupboard where the loo used to be. So I look in there and there's a new double plug socket for where we want to move the washing machine to.

I was fairly freaked out until I saw this but when I did I realised it must have been my FIL who said about a month/6 weeks ago he would pop in and do it. He has done our bathroom as a present to us. Which is unbelievably generous.

When he said about coming round to do it I wanted to make sure I was in as I'm just not comfortable with someone being in my house when I'm not there. He said it would be a Monday. A Monday for sure. I said great just text me or ring when you're leaving so I know which Monday it will be.

Today is a Thursday, no text, phonecall to me or DH (I rang him and checked), no note to say he had been here, nothing. I wouldn't mind the mess if there had been a note saying "sorry I was in a mad rush between jobs so had to leave it in a state" or just something to show a bit of respect and courtesy.

He also claimed he had lost our key we gave him when we first moved here until the above conversation where he said he would just let himself in (I guess he had magically found it by this point?!) I countered that (I thought!) by settling a day (Monday's) and agreeing he would contact me prior to coming round.

AIBU to be a little pissed off at him letting himself in with no notice at all? I am grateful he's done the work although one of my jobs for next week was to get someone in to do it because we have had NC from him this whole time since he was last here and said he would fit the plug socket.

I feel this was quite cheeky of him and as I'm alone in the house with the DCs the majority of the time I was a little freaked out until I saw he had done the work he had volunteered to do.

[Shona52]

I wouldn't have a problem with my FIL doing this but we have a close relationship. As my In laws do go to our house when we are not in for one reason or another but they do let us know when they are going. Find it a little off he didn't txt or call before hand but would let it go this time

[57968sp]

I notice many people are advising you to change the locks. Much easier to change the cores, fraction of the cost and it is an easy DIY job. Keep the old cores and keys to reuse in the future. Another thrifty option is to swap cores and keys with a friend.

[Tryingtobegood10]

I think in the moment I would have been pissed off as well! Havering someone in your house when your not there is a very intrusive feeling!! But he is a family member who has a key and said he would pop in to do it! He had probably compleatly forgot about it, suddenly remembered and feeling bad, popped in in between jobs to get it done for you! I would put it down to how annoying families can be and be pleased u now have your plug xxx

[FlabulousChic]

He appears to have done a few hundred pounds worth of work without your permission. You could always ask him to remove it. Maybe he just thought oh he had no idea you weren't in when he called ergo used the key

[rollonthesummer]

If it was just this one isolated item, I wouldn't be bothered. A bit surprised as I wouldn't have been expecting it, but pleased it was done.

The other situation where he took something of your DH'sis really odd though and I need to hear more about it . Can you tell us more about it or find the link for the original thread? Has that not been mentioned again by anyone in the family?? Did DH's brother not give it back?

[vdbfamily]

I agree this is about what is normal for different people. I have my parents keys and often just turn up there. If they are not around I let myself in, make a cuppa and read the paper. I sometimes turn up in the morning before they are up. I just yell up the stairs so they know I am there and they will appear downstairs when ready. I would only ever phone first on a Sunday if I think they might have visitors and might not want to be overwhelmed by us all! As you now know he has found the key, can you not just ask for it back rather than pay for lock change.

[alltouchedout]

I really bloody hate the idea that you have to put up with behaviors and actions you don't want if someone is also doing something that benefits you. If I feed my neighbour's cat whilst they are away does that mean it's OK for me to make a mess in the house? If I did and they weren't happy would it really be a case of "you're being unreasonable, I was doing you a favour?"

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

I remember the watch thread, so can understand why you're a bit pissed off.

My ex in-laws were exactly the same. Came home from work one day to find out that they'd dug up my (perfectly nice) garden

[MyEternalSunshine]

alltouchedout spot on!

[carmenta]

Since he has actually done you a really nice favour, I'd try talking to him first. But I wouldn't do it yourself, OP. If he's anything like my FIL he won't hear a word you say, and even if he hears it he won't process it. Get your DH to tell him not to let himself in, and ask for the key back. If you want to be there when he comes then he doesn't need the key.

[LowMaintenance101]

Harsh words from DH or change the locks.
We bought our first house from DH's grandparents. They had lived in the house for decades.
For about the first 6 months of us living there, they used to let themselves in all the time. I would come home from work and they would be there pottering around in the garden. There would be pies on the side. Washing done. Vacuuming done.
I was only 21 at the time and although I hated it I felt like I was being unreasonable. My DH is golden bollocks in his Grandmothers eyes, and she clearly thought I wasn't looking after him properly.
So I kept quiet until an incident with a leaky radiator and an item of my underwear grabbed from the wash basket to stem the leak.......
Lines were drawn. And things were fine after that.

[Tennisnan]

This thread is uncomfortable reading on several levels:
Why do you let him have a key at all then?
Men, specially older men, just wouldn't do the 'just letting you know' text thing.
Really, what was he going to see in yr house that he's not seen before?
Free bathroom? you owe him big time.
Get the key back, forget about this, be glad you've got a handyman in the family who doesn't charge you and does a good job - worth a little forgiveness here and there I'd say. ps of course totally unreasonable if he lets himself in at any other time than doing a legit job you've discussed previously.