I *think* FIL let himself into our house

[Doublemint]

Came home to find the kitchen bin up against the dishwasher, which I thought was odd but dismissed it thinking it might have been the toddler or dog.

Made lunch for me and DCs then nipped into the downstairs bathroom for a wee.

The bathroom is a total mess. There's a bucket on top of a bag of clean washing the free standing set of drawers are in the middle of the floor, kids toys also on the floor.

All the above stuff is usually in a full height door less cupboard where the loo used to be. So I look in there and there's a new double plug socket for where we want to move the washing machine to.

I was fairly freaked out until I saw this but when I did I realised it must have been my FIL who said about a month/6 weeks ago he would pop in and do it. He has done our bathroom as a present to us. Which is unbelievably generous.

When he said about coming round to do it I wanted to make sure I was in as I'm just not comfortable with someone being in my house when I'm not there. He said it would be a Monday. A Monday for sure. I said great just text me or ring when you're leaving so I know which Monday it will be.

Today is a Thursday, no text, phonecall to me or DH (I rang him and checked), no note to say he had been here, nothing. I wouldn't mind the mess if there had been a note saying "sorry I was in a mad rush between jobs so had to leave it in a state" or just something to show a bit of respect and courtesy.

He also claimed he had lost our key we gave him when we first moved here until the above conversation where he said he would just let himself in (I guess he had magically found it by this point?!) I countered that (I thought!) by settling a day (Monday's) and agreeing he would contact me prior to coming round.

AIBU to be a little pissed off at him letting himself in with no notice at all? I am grateful he's done the work although one of my jobs for next week was to get someone in to do it because we have had NC from him this whole time since he was last here and said he would fit the plug socket.

I feel this was quite cheeky of him and as I'm alone in the house with the DCs the majority of the time I was a little freaked out until I saw he had done the work he had volunteered to do.

[Tennisnan]

This thread is uncomfortable reading on several levels:
Why do you let him have a key at all then?
Men, specially older men, just wouldn't do the 'just letting you know' text thing.
Really, what was he going to see in yr house that he's not seen before?
Free bathroom? you owe him big time.
Get the key back, forget about this, be glad you've got a handyman in the family who doesn't charge you and does a good job - worth a little forgiveness here and there I'd say. ps of course totally unreasonable if he lets himself in at any other time than doing a legit job you've discussed previously.

[LowMaintenance101]

Harsh words from DH or change the locks.
We bought our first house from DH's grandparents. They had lived in the house for decades.
For about the first 6 months of us living there, they used to let themselves in all the time. I would come home from work and they would be there pottering around in the garden. There would be pies on the side. Washing done. Vacuuming done.
I was only 21 at the time and although I hated it I felt like I was being unreasonable. My DH is golden bollocks in his Grandmothers eyes, and she clearly thought I wasn't looking after him properly.
So I kept quiet until an incident with a leaky radiator and an item of my underwear grabbed from the wash basket to stem the leak.......
Lines were drawn. And things were fine after that.

[carmenta]

Since he has actually done you a really nice favour, I'd try talking to him first. But I wouldn't do it yourself, OP. If he's anything like my FIL he won't hear a word you say, and even if he hears it he won't process it. Get your DH to tell him not to let himself in, and ask for the key back. If you want to be there when he comes then he doesn't need the key.

[MyEternalSunshine]

alltouchedout spot on!

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

I remember the watch thread, so can understand why you're a bit pissed off.

My ex in-laws were exactly the same. Came home from work one day to find out that they'd dug up my (perfectly nice) garden

[alltouchedout]

I really bloody hate the idea that you have to put up with behaviors and actions you don't want if someone is also doing something that benefits you. If I feed my neighbour's cat whilst they are away does that mean it's OK for me to make a mess in the house? If I did and they weren't happy would it really be a case of "you're being unreasonable, I was doing you a favour?"

[vdbfamily]

I agree this is about what is normal for different people. I have my parents keys and often just turn up there. If they are not around I let myself in, make a cuppa and read the paper. I sometimes turn up in the morning before they are up. I just yell up the stairs so they know I am there and they will appear downstairs when ready. I would only ever phone first on a Sunday if I think they might have visitors and might not want to be overwhelmed by us all! As you now know he has found the key, can you not just ask for it back rather than pay for lock change.

[rollonthesummer]

If it was just this one isolated item, I wouldn't be bothered. A bit surprised as I wouldn't have been expecting it, but pleased it was done.

The other situation where he took something of your DH'sis really odd though and I need to hear more about it . Can you tell us more about it or find the link for the original thread? Has that not been mentioned again by anyone in the family?? Did DH's brother not give it back?

[FlabulousChic]

He appears to have done a few hundred pounds worth of work without your permission. You could always ask him to remove it. Maybe he just thought oh he had no idea you weren't in when he called ergo used the key

[Tryingtobegood10]

I think in the moment I would have been pissed off as well! Havering someone in your house when your not there is a very intrusive feeling!! But he is a family member who has a key and said he would pop in to do it! He had probably compleatly forgot about it, suddenly remembered and feeling bad, popped in in between jobs to get it done for you! I would put it down to how annoying families can be and be pleased u now have your plug xxx

[57968sp]

I notice many people are advising you to change the locks. Much easier to change the cores, fraction of the cost and it is an easy DIY job. Keep the old cores and keys to reuse in the future. Another thrifty option is to swap cores and keys with a friend.

[Shona52]

I wouldn't have a problem with my FIL doing this but we have a close relationship. As my In laws do go to our house when we are not in for one reason or another but they do let us know when they are going. Find it a little off he didn't txt or call before hand but would let it go this time

[Natsku]

Just checked, you don't have to be a qualified electrician to replace sockets, or add new ones outside of the kitchen/bathroom in the UK and a fair few other things. That doesn't sound too safe to me. Best thing is to make sure you have at least one electrician, one plumber, one builder and a hairdresser in your family to handle all emergencies

[Natsku]

I think we've got laws in this country too Natsuku that only qualified electricians are allowed to put in electrical sockets and do electrical works in a house!

Hope the FIL is a qualified electrician then!

[Supernan5]

This reminds me of an incident about 20 years ago. My dh and I and our kids were at a boot sale when my dh received a phone call on his mobile from OUR HOUSE PHONE. It was my MIL saying she had " popped in" to see us😳 She said I've done the washing up from breakfast and put a wash on for you. ( she had gone round all the bedrooms collecting washing 😱) and put it in the machine. My dh was " oh that's nice " and I was " omg I want to die". She only had a key because we had gone away a month before and she fed our cats but she had given the key back to us. Unbeknownst to us she had "had it copied for emergencies ".
I changed the locks and she hasn't had a key since!!!

[confuugled1]

Another vote for getting the socket safety tested. Especially that FIL - read your watch thread and was horrified by his behaviour. From what you wrote previously I wouldn't trust him especially if he seemed to do the work in a rush and made it all messy - doesn't sound like he bothered very much when he did it.

I think we've got laws in this country too Natsuku that only qualified electricians are allowed to put in electrical sockets and do electrical works in a house!

I'd just get an electrician to check it so that you have the right safety certificate for it should you ever sell the house. And for peace of mind. And I'd be checking to see that he hasn't poked around and taken anything else with him...

[Memoires]

We have a double socket just outside our bathroom, and we have a plug board connected to it, which dh and dd have in the bathroom (cable fits under the door) into which they plug a hairdryer and a blow heater. Still, I think we're legal.....

[Natsku]

Not using my shower any more malmi! Only started with the shocks last night, something must have triggered it with the renovation work we've got going on. OH will need to fix it again (I suppose that's where Finland has its better electrical safety - only qualified electricians are allowed to mess with the electrics in a house, putting in new sockets for instance!)

[Balanced12]

I was going to say YABU, buy realising this is watch guy no I wouldn't be happy with a known thief in my house, change the locks, continue to pester DH to get his watch back from MIL and aim for low low contact.

This isn't a favour it is a power play.

[DontMindMe1]

Knockers, flap covers and dodgy old men sneaking into someone's house.....sounds like Last Of The Summer Wine

I think he knew exactly what he was doing....and i bet he had a good nosey around your house searching for other items he can purloin under the excuse of 'doing you a favour'.

Have you checked to see if all your other valuables are still there? If they are - LOCK them away.

[malmi]

Alas, mains electricity is never perfectly safe. People are electrocuted all the time, often in the home, and certainly in the bathroom. It's just a matter of minimising the risk.

Providing standard outlets in the bathroom increases the risk level because people are able to take items like radios and hair dryers into the bathroom where they risk falling into the bath or otherwise shocking wet people who conduct electricity better.

The risk increases with people who are too young, ignorant, or otherwise unable to recognise the danger of water + electricity (e.g. people who continue to use a shower knowing there is an electrical fault that gives out shocks!)

Sorry for excessive use of the word 'risk'.

[Natsku]

Shoddy old non-grounded electrics in a wet room that hasn't been properly insulated - every time I touched the shower knob thingy painful vibrations went up my arm!

[Natsku]

This is the kind of socket I'm talking about malmi They are perfectly safe. How would a electric sauna work if its dangerous to have a socket in a place with water being thrown around?

yksionoikea.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/kylppc3a4ri6.jpg

[diddl]

How on earth do you get shocked in the shower?

We have a socket in our bathroom, not close to the bath, shower or sink.

I plug the vacuum cleaner in to do the landing outside the bathroom/bedrooms.