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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I *think* FIL let himself into our house

113 replies

Doublemint · 13/10/2016 13:44

Came home to find the kitchen bin up against the dishwasher, which I thought was odd but dismissed it thinking it might have been the toddler or dog.

Made lunch for me and DCs then nipped into the downstairs bathroom for a wee.

The bathroom is a total mess. There's a bucket on top of a bag of clean washing the free standing set of drawers are in the middle of the floor, kids toys also on the floor.

All the above stuff is usually in a full height door less cupboard where the loo used to be. So I look in there and there's a new double plug socket for where we want to move the washing machine to.

I was fairly freaked out until I saw this but when I did I realised it must have been my FIL who said about a month/6 weeks ago he would pop in and do it. He has done our bathroom as a present to us. Which is unbelievably generous.

When he said about coming round to do it I wanted to make sure I was in as I'm just not comfortable with someone being in my house when I'm not there. He said it would be a Monday. A Monday for sure. I said great just text me or ring when you're leaving so I know which Monday it will be.

Today is a Thursday, no text, phonecall to me or DH (I rang him and checked), no note to say he had been here, nothing. I wouldn't mind the mess if there had been a note saying "sorry I was in a mad rush between jobs so had to leave it in a state" or just something to show a bit of respect and courtesy.

He also claimed he had lost our key we gave him when we first moved here until the above conversation where he said he would just let himself in (I guess he had magically found it by this point?!) I countered that (I thought!) by settling a day (Monday's) and agreeing he would contact me prior to coming round.

AIBU to be a little pissed off at him letting himself in with no notice at all? I am grateful he's done the work although one of my jobs for next week was to get someone in to do it because we have had NC from him this whole time since he was last here and said he would fit the plug socket.

I feel this was quite cheeky of him and as I'm alone in the house with the DCs the majority of the time I was a little freaked out until I saw he had done the work he had volunteered to do.

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 13/10/2016 17:30

Locks change time and NO MORE FAVOURS from FIL. He uses them to be weird, intrusive and make decisions for you.

Natsku · 13/10/2016 17:37

You can have sockets and washing machines in bathrooms malmi every single house/flat I've lived in for the last decade has them, you just have to have the sockets that have flap covers so they are covered whenever not in use.

ReginaBlitz · 13/10/2016 17:44

This reply has been deleted

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pinkyredrose · 13/10/2016 17:51

Why should she be grateful for him letting himself in her house and not saying what he was doing?

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers · 13/10/2016 17:54

You can have sockets in washrooms.

I remember the watch thread - send him a 'thanks for the socket' text then change the locks and don't EVER give them a key.

MagikarpetRide · 13/10/2016 17:56

Just thinking back to the other thread. Those medals are safe aren't they double? No signs of sniffing about as to where they are?

MagikarpetRide · 13/10/2016 17:57

Just thinking back to the other thread. Those medals are safe aren't they double? No signs of sniffing about as to where they are?

happyvalley4 · 13/10/2016 17:57

I'm afraid he sounds exactly like my Dad. He means well and I'm grateful for his help but he has no consideration or courtesy about politeness or making a mess. I remember one day when I was a teenager and I'd recently acquired an old mini after passing my test. I go outside all dolled up to go and meet my mates to find my car in the garage with the engine out! Dad had decided to give my car a "thorough service" !!!

If I were you OP, I'd have a good moan to your DH and then just forget about it.

You won't change him! And after all, he is doing you a favour!

malmi · 13/10/2016 19:36

Flap covers are irrelevant.

You can only install a socket in a room containing a bath or shower if the socket is more than 3 metres away horizontally from the edge of the bath/shower. I.e. a very big room.

See here for details: www.diynot.com/wiki/Electrics%3Abathroom_zones

You are also required to notify the Building Control Department of your Local Council.

If you install a socket that does not comply then you are commiting a criminal offence. See here: www.diydoctor.org.uk/projects/partp.htm

You need to make sure you get this stuff right as not only is electricity very dangerous in combination with water (hence all the rules), but it may invalidate your home insurance if illegal installations end up causing a fire.

Sorry!

But hopefully this is just a toilet/cloakroom anyway. Or outside the UK?

Natsku · 13/10/2016 20:04

Rules must be different here because I've seen sockets much closer than 3 metres to the shower, some literally right next to them. OH is an electrician so I reckon he'd have said something if he thought it was dangerous. (Funnily enough I got shocked in my shower tonight but not due to any sockets in the bathroom but because its an old house with shoddy electrics - shower shocks are not fun!)

malmi · 13/10/2016 20:05

Where do you live, Natsku?

Natsku · 13/10/2016 20:06

Finland

malmi · 13/10/2016 20:12

Ah, Finland.

In the UK we have much stricter rules I'm afraid.

There is a separate type of socket which is allowed but it's only for low-amp devices like electric shavers and toothbrush chargers which won't kill you if you drop them in the bath. You couldn't run a washing machine off it.

diddl · 13/10/2016 21:37

How on earth do you get shocked in the shower?

We have a socket in our bathroom, not close to the bath, shower or sink.

I plug the vacuum cleaner in to do the landing outside the bathroom/bedrooms.

Natsku · 13/10/2016 21:38

This is the kind of socket I'm talking about malmi They are perfectly safe. How would a electric sauna work if its dangerous to have a socket in a place with water being thrown around?

yksionoikea.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/kylppc3a4ri6.jpg

Natsku · 13/10/2016 21:39

Shoddy old non-grounded electrics in a wet room that hasn't been properly insulated - every time I touched the shower knob thingy painful vibrations went up my arm!

malmi · 13/10/2016 23:37

Alas, mains electricity is never perfectly safe. People are electrocuted all the time, often in the home, and certainly in the bathroom. It's just a matter of minimising the risk.

Providing standard outlets in the bathroom increases the risk level because people are able to take items like radios and hair dryers into the bathroom where they risk falling into the bath or otherwise shocking wet people who conduct electricity better.

The risk increases with people who are too young, ignorant, or otherwise unable to recognise the danger of water + electricity (e.g. people who continue to use a shower knowing there is an electrical fault that gives out shocks!)

Sorry for excessive use of the word 'risk'.

DontMindMe1 · 14/10/2016 03:24

Knockers, flap covers and dodgy old men sneaking into someone's house.....sounds like Last Of The Summer Wine Grin

I think he knew exactly what he was doing....and i bet he had a good nosey around your house searching for other items he can purloin under the excuse of 'doing you a favour'.

Have you checked to see if all your other valuables are still there? If they are - LOCK them away.

Balanced12 · 14/10/2016 03:46

I was going to say YABU, buy realising this is watch guy no I wouldn't be happy with a known thief in my house, change the locks, continue to pester DH to get his watch back from MIL and aim for low low contact.

This isn't a favour it is a power play.

Natsku · 14/10/2016 06:25

Not using my shower any more malmi! Only started with the shocks last night, something must have triggered it with the renovation work we've got going on. OH will need to fix it again (I suppose that's where Finland has its better electrical safety - only qualified electricians are allowed to mess with the electrics in a house, putting in new sockets for instance!)

Memoires · 14/10/2016 18:31

We have a double socket just outside our bathroom, and we have a plug board connected to it, which dh and dd have in the bathroom (cable fits under the door) into which they plug a hairdryer and a blow heater. Still, I think we're legal.....

confuugled1 · 14/10/2016 18:44

Another vote for getting the socket safety tested. Especially that FIL - read your watch thread and was horrified by his behaviour. From what you wrote previously I wouldn't trust him especially if he seemed to do the work in a rush and made it all messy - doesn't sound like he bothered very much when he did it.

I think we've got laws in this country too Natsuku that only qualified electricians are allowed to put in electrical sockets and do electrical works in a house!

I'd just get an electrician to check it so that you have the right safety certificate for it should you ever sell the house. And for peace of mind. And I'd be checking to see that he hasn't poked around and taken anything else with him...

Supernan5 · 14/10/2016 19:03

This reminds me of an incident about 20 years ago. My dh and I and our kids were at a boot sale when my dh received a phone call on his mobile from OUR HOUSE PHONE. It was my MIL saying she had " popped in" to see us😳 She said I've done the washing up from breakfast and put a wash on for you. ( she had gone round all the bedrooms collecting washing 😱) and put it in the machine. My dh was " oh that's nice " and I was " omg I want to die". She only had a key because we had gone away a month before and she fed our cats but she had given the key back to us. Unbeknownst to us she had "had it copied for emergencies ".
I changed the locks and she hasn't had a key since!!!

Natsku · 14/10/2016 20:05

I think we've got laws in this country too Natsuku that only qualified electricians are allowed to put in electrical sockets and do electrical works in a house!

Hope the FIL is a qualified electrician then!

Natsku · 14/10/2016 20:12

Just checked, you don't have to be a qualified electrician to replace sockets, or add new ones outside of the kitchen/bathroom in the UK and a fair few other things. That doesn't sound too safe to me. Best thing is to make sure you have at least one electrician, one plumber, one builder and a hairdresser in your family to handle all emergencies Grin

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