I *think* FIL let himself into our house

[Doublemint]

Came home to find the kitchen bin up against the dishwasher, which I thought was odd but dismissed it thinking it might have been the toddler or dog.

Made lunch for me and DCs then nipped into the downstairs bathroom for a wee.

The bathroom is a total mess. There's a bucket on top of a bag of clean washing the free standing set of drawers are in the middle of the floor, kids toys also on the floor.

All the above stuff is usually in a full height door less cupboard where the loo used to be. So I look in there and there's a new double plug socket for where we want to move the washing machine to.

I was fairly freaked out until I saw this but when I did I realised it must have been my FIL who said about a month/6 weeks ago he would pop in and do it. He has done our bathroom as a present to us. Which is unbelievably generous.

When he said about coming round to do it I wanted to make sure I was in as I'm just not comfortable with someone being in my house when I'm not there. He said it would be a Monday. A Monday for sure. I said great just text me or ring when you're leaving so I know which Monday it will be.

Today is a Thursday, no text, phonecall to me or DH (I rang him and checked), no note to say he had been here, nothing. I wouldn't mind the mess if there had been a note saying "sorry I was in a mad rush between jobs so had to leave it in a state" or just something to show a bit of respect and courtesy.

He also claimed he had lost our key we gave him when we first moved here until the above conversation where he said he would just let himself in (I guess he had magically found it by this point?!) I countered that (I thought!) by settling a day (Monday's) and agreeing he would contact me prior to coming round.

AIBU to be a little pissed off at him letting himself in with no notice at all? I am grateful he's done the work although one of my jobs for next week was to get someone in to do it because we have had NC from him this whole time since he was last here and said he would fit the plug socket.

I feel this was quite cheeky of him and as I'm alone in the house with the DCs the majority of the time I was a little freaked out until I saw he had done the work he had volunteered to do.

[flippinada]

I'm sure the OP knows better than some randomer on the internet if her own bathroom is in a mess or not.

[PlumsGalore]

Ahhh this is the Rolex man isn't it?

[diddl]

Change the locks!

Some "favours" come with too much shit attached!

[milkshakeandmonstermunch]

Normally I'd say YABU as he had said he'd do it and was doing you a favour. My DF lets himself into our house if we aren't home and he needs something (I came home to a huge bar of Galaxy earlier as he'd been to the shops) as he lives across the street. I have a key for his house too.

However, this is the watch family. Your FIL is weird. Change the locks.

[ScaryMonstersandSuperCreeps]

Didnt we have a thread like this recently???

[Doublemint]

"The watch family"

[Natsku]

Definitely either get the key back or change the locks. Say thank you for doing it but no more favours.

Some families its ok to let yourself in, others its not. I always let myself in to FIL's place (door is never locked anyway!) but if he didn't like it it would be bloody rude of me to do so.

[IrrelevantSquirrel]

This would annoy me too. Fair enough he's doing a favour but it's the total disregard for your privacy after you explicitly asked him to contact you first. No need to leave the place in a tip either. Definitely change locks to avoid it happening again. Not read the watch thread but they sound very strange, effectively stealing your DH's property and charging for him having it back?! Think I'd be giving them a wide berth in future.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Good lord, I hope you're not my DIL. That's exactly the sort of weird shit XH would pull.

[Lynnm63]

I wouldn't even bother asking for the key. I'd just change the lock would you honestly trust him not to make a copy before returning it.
He sounds horrendous and if your dh is away leaving the place in a state could have made you think you'd been burgled. He could have at least left a note by your kettle saying sorry for the mess.

[GabsAlot]

i dont know about your other thread but youre definitely not wrong on this one

only person who has a spare key of mjne is my sister for emergencies and feeding the cat buti know exactly when shes coming she doesnt just walk in when she feels like

[Idratherbeaunicorn]

I wonder if its a FIL thing... my FIL is dreadful for this!
I feel like I cant moan as his heart is always in the right place, but it does make me uncomfortable knowing that he used to just let himself in.
One time I came in and there was a lawn mower just sat in the middle of my lounge! Other times he's dropped something in, even though either me or DH would be seeing them within a few days, and it wasnt urgent....

[diddl]

When he has turned up unannounced, what's to say that he wouldn't have let himself in?

I can't imagine getting home & someone has let themself in whilst I was out (husband excepted of course)

Change the locks.

If he queries it say that you came home one day & it looked as if you had been burgled!

[gillybeanz]

Simple, don't give anyone a key, I certainly wouldn't as I wouldn't want people letting themselves in.

[MagicChanges]

OMG! A bin against the dishwasher and a new plug installed without prior permission - that would be a deal breaker for me - cut him off - or as they say on MN go NC...............the cheek of the man. Next time pay a reputable electrician who will call to do the work when you're in and pay the bill with a happy smile!!!

[Anniegetyourgun]

Ahhh, I've just read Watchgate. You're definitely not my DIL! XH would leave unexpected "gifts" (a handful of unused envelopes so old the glue had dried up, anyone?) but there is no way he would swipe a valuable heirloom from one of his own children. Forget he'd given it to one brother then give it again to another, perhaps (he did that with jewellery, but it was his to start with), but it wouldn't be deliberate. This one... never mind change the locks, get CCTV and preferably a large, ornery Alsatian.

[GipsyDanger]

Change the locks. If he's done it once he'll do it again. Who's to say this was the first time he's just let himself in.

[SquinkiesRule]

Definitely change the locks after watchgate.
I'd text him, thanks for getting the new socket installed, thought you were going to come on a monday? Thanks anyway.
Then drop it. Don't mention the key, or anything else.Why won't MIL give Dh the watch back just being nosy

[KickAssAngel]

I think this is all part of the 'You're really just children, not adults, and we can ignore anything you say" attitude of DFIL.

Could you/DH change a socket? Up to a point it's nice if someone helps out, but too much of it and it implies that they don't think you're capable. Not bothering to clean up - it's not his job to tidy up, that's for a lower being to take care of. Coming without notice when it suits him - how you feel in your own home doesn't matter as you're just children playing at houses, not really people whose thoughts and feelings matter.

It's a small thing, and if this were the only time it wouldn't matter, but it's kind of the final straw after the watch.

[leaveittothediva]

I mean it's not like he's a total stranger, he's your FIL, he did what you asked, I know he suited himself, but it's done now. A little bit of gratitude wouldn't go amiss. I mean I know people are odd about privacy, but personally I'd be delighted. I'd phone him and say thanks very much, what a surprise.

[Memoires]

I remember the watch thread! Hi there, sorry to hear dh still hasn't got it back. His family are a bit disfunctional, aren't they? It's all power plays with them.

Change the locks. Go as NC as you can with them.

[sadie9]

Just make a big deal of Oh My Gosh Was that You?? I got Such A Fright!! as you hadn't mentioned you were coming! I thought we had been burgled! I had to sit down and have a glass of water, etc etc. etc. Thank you So So Much you are really great, but next time can you text or something so I don't have a heart attack, thanks again though you are very kind.

[Shiningexample]

his favours come with strings attached dont they
now he owns you and he can just help himself to your personal private space

[tofutti]

I was going to say YABU...but you had me with 'watch family'...

[malmi]

Completely missing the point, but please reassure us that this 'bathroom' is in fact just a cloakroom/WC and does not actually have a bath or shower in it, because if so you should not have sockets installed or plans for washing machines in there.