I *think* FIL let himself into our house

[Doublemint]

Came home to find the kitchen bin up against the dishwasher, which I thought was odd but dismissed it thinking it might have been the toddler or dog.

Made lunch for me and DCs then nipped into the downstairs bathroom for a wee.

The bathroom is a total mess. There's a bucket on top of a bag of clean washing the free standing set of drawers are in the middle of the floor, kids toys also on the floor.

All the above stuff is usually in a full height door less cupboard where the loo used to be. So I look in there and there's a new double plug socket for where we want to move the washing machine to.

I was fairly freaked out until I saw this but when I did I realised it must have been my FIL who said about a month/6 weeks ago he would pop in and do it. He has done our bathroom as a present to us. Which is unbelievably generous.

When he said about coming round to do it I wanted to make sure I was in as I'm just not comfortable with someone being in my house when I'm not there. He said it would be a Monday. A Monday for sure. I said great just text me or ring when you're leaving so I know which Monday it will be.

Today is a Thursday, no text, phonecall to me or DH (I rang him and checked), no note to say he had been here, nothing. I wouldn't mind the mess if there had been a note saying "sorry I was in a mad rush between jobs so had to leave it in a state" or just something to show a bit of respect and courtesy.

He also claimed he had lost our key we gave him when we first moved here until the above conversation where he said he would just let himself in (I guess he had magically found it by this point?!) I countered that (I thought!) by settling a day (Monday's) and agreeing he would contact me prior to coming round.

AIBU to be a little pissed off at him letting himself in with no notice at all? I am grateful he's done the work although one of my jobs for next week was to get someone in to do it because we have had NC from him this whole time since he was last here and said he would fit the plug socket.

I feel this was quite cheeky of him and as I'm alone in the house with the DCs the majority of the time I was a little freaked out until I saw he had done the work he had volunteered to do.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

*KNICKERS

Jezus Krist Autocorrect - are you trying to get me banned?

[CockacidalManiac]

Or even piles of dirty knockers waiting for the wash.

Are you Officer Crabtree?

[kaitlinktm]

Well if you don't have keys to his home I don't see how he can complain if he doesn't have free access to yours. Why should he expect it?

You needn't make a thing out of changing the locks as long as your DH isn't guilt-tripped into giving him another key.

[Ginkypig]

I remember your other thread I think. Get the locks changed.

You can't have it both ways though. Iv had similar things with people and the way I deal with it is don't accept things like favours because then they have things to "use" manipulate you with and minimise your behaviour when they step over the line and your not happy.

My way to deal with it is if they have no "hold" over me they can't take the piss.

Does that make sense?

[Doublemint]

Luckily yesterday was dirty knockers washing day here

There are pairs of sparkling clean boobs drying everywhere today though.

[Doublemint]

That's the kind of vibe I'm getting ginky and I think that it's time to call it a day on the favours. They are always quite large gestures that go against the sporadic contact etc we have with FIL. It makes total sense and is a good strategy

[eddielizzard]

def change locks.

sorry the watch is gone. that's a shame.

[MagikarpetRide]

I remember the other thread. I think the advice on that was to change your locks then. Definitely do it now. Your ILs really don't see your DH or you as worthy of opinion or possibly even adults it seems.

My MIL has keys to ours. She always asks if she can let herself in, which will only be after she's done us a favour anyway. Having said that DH has keys to hers too and I guess she wouldn't like him just letting himself in either.

[kaitlinktm]

Boobs and knockers!

[LizB62A]

I'd do what a PP suggested and get your locks changed so that it can't happen again.
It's your house, I can completely understand that you don't want people letting themselves in when you're not there and without prior arrangement

[HopefulHamster]

Off topic, but it's sad the item is now lost. Have they blatantly taken the watch back then and that's it? Did you get them to admit they just wanted it back for BIL?

[shitchef]

Damn you 2kids, I've just spat Ecclefechan crumbs all over my keyboard!

[Doublemint]

off topic Randomly MIL has the watch and basically DH has to pay her to get it back. DH has decided they are all BU and I decided you can take a horse to water etc and its up to him to get it back if he wants it, but I don't think he does, he mostly wants to tell his family to F off I think!

They are all very odd.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

Cocakadail

Why do yeu uersk?

[2kids2dogsnosense]

Double mint

[EmNetta]

I think ginky's right, and surprised so many people think OP's relative has done them a really big favour - I'd rather pay someone than rely on family and/or feel there's a favour involved, particularly when it involves handing over a key.

[EmNetta]

And I feel DH's instincts are exactly right; I wouldn't want to be involved with them either.

[BertrandRussell]

Families are very different about this sort of thing. Nobody in my family would think twice about letting ourselves into each other's houses.

And if I had promised to do a job for one of them I might text in advance if I remembered, but I would probably just go and do it.

[flippinada]

I remember your thread about the watch.

Regardless of whether you are doing someone a favour, you don't go into their house when you've explicitly been told not to. Agree with PP that this "favour" is probably being used as opportunity to nose-poke and leave you beholden to them, so I'd put a stop to that kind of thing. You don''t need to be rude about it, just say no thank you.

Oh, and I'd definitely get your locks changed. Then nobody can 'just let themselves in'.

[JosephineMaynard]

I'd be half inclined to call him up and say something like "don't come round to do (diy favour) for next few days, just got home and looks like someone has broken in, they've moved the bin and left stuff all over the bathroom, just checking to see if anything's missing before I call the police to report the break in...."

And then change the locks.

[Ginkypig]

Definitely double

Have clear boundaries. You might miss out on "free" things but the end result is they have nothing to use then and you can't be made to feel like his behaviour is ok because.....

It's not nice to have to put these rules in place but if you want or have to have people like that in your life then you can't give them even an inch!

[CharminglyGawky]

I couldn't deal with anyone letting themselves into my house unexpectedly. If pre arranged and someone I trust enough to have given a key to anyway then that is fine although it rarely comes up!

[GiveMeRitz]

This is the 'Watch' FIL ???

Change the locks.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

The bathroom is a total mess. There's a bucket on top of a bag of clean washing the free standing set of drawers are in the middle of the floor, kids toys also on the floor

I think 'total mess' is a bit of an exaggeration and the bloke has done you a favour! Seems a bit of an over-reaction on your part.

[CoolCarrie]

Change the locks asap Mint. I remember the watch and the fallout from it. As I said then, at least your mil has it now, which gets the bil & fil out of the loop as it were. Fil has a bloody check just turning up & leaving a mess in his wake. He could have at least phoned you first. They do sound like hardwork. Good luck with the watch.