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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my dd bu to not want pictures of her daughter

35 replies

smileyhappypeople · 13/10/2016 07:31

To be posted on social media by her exes girlfriend??
My ds doesn't put photos of her daughter on social media (although not entirely sure whether that even matters)
she has asked the girlfriend to stop posting pictures but all she's done is block my ds so she can't see them instead.
We have managed to get a look at her social media pages and the whole thing is my dn with hashtag love her, my best friend, miss her so much, loves my little girl etc etc
I get its nice to have a step parent that loves your dd but I personally think she has gone too far and seems a bit obsessed!
I think the girlfriend is being hugely disrespectful to her as a mother but is my ds bu?
Is there anything she can do about it?

OP posts:
Stormwhale · 13/10/2016 07:33

Your dn has two parents and it would seem that her father has no problem with it. I don't think your ds can do much about it. I wouldn't be happy either. Has she tried talking to the father?

BrainPrions · 13/10/2016 07:34

Contact facebook. If she's under 13, they'll take it down.

www.facebook.com/help/428478523862899

ayeokthen · 13/10/2016 07:37

Loves "my" little girl? No, I'd be livid. I have a really good relationship with DS stepmum, she's great, but if she called him hers I'd be furious.

Whoopiedoo · 13/10/2016 08:05

Totally unacceptable!

I have 2 children and never put their photos on Facebook, I don't understand the need to. Wonderful she's a caring step parent but she is not the little girls mother and she is severely crossing the line. If your DD doesn't want photos uploaded the girlfriend must respect her wishes and not do it. I would be beyond fuming and blocking your DD whilst carrying on posting pictures is beyond disrespectful, obsessive and worrying!

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 13/10/2016 08:11

It would piss me off too. As her ex is seemingly agreeing to it then there's not a lot she can do really.

Liiinoo · 13/10/2016 08:29

The girlfriend is being totally unreasonable (and possibly over compensating or trying to impress the dad) but as other people have said if the dad is ok with it I dont think there is much to be done.

Summerisdone · 13/10/2016 08:29

I'd be absolutely livid and report it to Facebook. Firstly the woman seems to be showing the child off almost like she is her own, but most importantly if your daughter chooses to put up pictures on her own Facebook then she can set her own privacy settings and also choose who can even see those pictures out of their own friend set, but she has absolutely no control of her ex partner's Facebook and who can see these pictures.

OnionKnight · 13/10/2016 08:45

I presume that the dad is okay with it?

ScaredFuture99 · 13/10/2016 08:59

I would have a lot more issues with the ## and comments I think.

But then, how often are step parents asked to treat their step children the same than if they were their own? To love them as much etc...
It is also entirely possible that this is the way this woman would behave with her own dcs and therefore finds it normal to do it with her stepdd. If the father is OK with his girlfriend doing that, I suppose there isn't a lot you can do a bout it.

Same than when family or friends pout your dc's photo on FB btw. There isn't a lot you can do about it.

failingatlife · 13/10/2016 09:05

S

HSMMaCM · 13/10/2016 09:10

Your DD needs to talk to the child's father. If he is happy for the photos to be posted, then your DD needs to report them to Facebook (see the link posted above).

Personally like your DD I don't think people should post pictures of children on social media, but he may have a different opinion. The girlfriend is a bit over the top with her comments and that would REALLY annoy me, but not sure how you could stop that.

2kids2dogsnosense · 13/10/2016 09:10

Trying to let your ex see what a wonderful step-mother she'd make, I suspect.

And I'll bet she wouldn't. Excessive gushing like this is always a cover-up for insincerity, IME.

What does your daughter think of it all - or is she too young to be aware?

mouldycheesefan · 13/10/2016 09:26

Facebook won't care as she can post any of her own pictures she wants on there! And say what she wants. Speak to the ex is your only way of stopping her.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 13/10/2016 09:35

The pictures are one thing but the comments are a big NO.

Looks like the woman's very attention seeking, and it says a lot about her when she knows that it upsets your sister and still keeps on doing it - just plain nasty.

Pisssssedofff · 13/10/2016 09:39

She won't be around long I bet, I wouldn't sweat the small stuff, she sounds like a pschyo there will be bigger stuff to worry about I imagine

Tarttlet · 13/10/2016 09:43

"she sounds like a pschyo"

In what way? Hmm

SemiNormal · 13/10/2016 09:47

The fact that she refused to take them down when respectfully asked not to post them speaks volumes! If she really cared about the little girl then she would go to great lengths to ensure that the relationship between her (step mum) and bio mum was amicable and that they could discuss these things in an adult manner. Instead she's thrown her toys out of the pram, refused to listen to reason and ignored the wishes of the mother of the child she professes to love. She sounds like fucking horrible childish person who quite frankly I wouldn't want around my child.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 13/10/2016 10:01

You don't know that she was respectfully asked at all.

If she has one person saying take them down and another saying keep them up then she will probably listen to the one she is closest to.

She blocked so they couldn't be seen and offend anyone but then the op and her dd went out of their way to gain access to her page and see what she was posting. I'm not sure why really.

It would piss me off too, no doubt, but there's nothing that can be done as one parent has given consent.

All the mum can do is just not look and wind herself up about it. Some battles aren't worth having.

NickiFury · 13/10/2016 10:10

What a tiresome woman. Honestly that's the only way to deal with it, she's tiresome and immature and hopefully she will have her own child soon and get over her romanticised and ridiculous attachment to yours. I hear you though, it would drive me nuts and I would speak to my ex about it. Fortunately as he would hate it if the situations were reversed he would soon shut that crap down.

Pisssssedofff · 13/10/2016 10:13

I would imagine if you talk to the ex and let on you don't like the girl it'll increase her attractiveness. I'd sit back, she'll hang herself so to speak.

MuseumOfCurry · 13/10/2016 10:13

Jesus, are people really this lacking in self-awareness?

Of course you shouldn't post pictures of someone else's child on FB and the comments are gratuitously incendiary.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2016 10:45

If the child's dad is ok with it, FB won't take it down.

You say you've 'managed to take a look at her social media pages'.

How? Are they private or public?

Original poster
smileyhappypeople · 13/10/2016 11:15

Thanks for replys everyone. She asked her nicely not to do it and she explained her reasons but her ex has this huge thing that she is just doing everything to piss him off etc so he would probably encourage her.
They also have this huge thing that my sister is the worst mum ever and that her dd should go and live with them. (Despite him paying 1p maintenance a month and dropping her in the shit at every opp, but that's a different thread! Ha)
It's not a new gf so not to impress I don't think, they were together before my dsis was with him and now have been back together for almost 2 years.
There are many other issues I suppose but I just find this so disrepectful! Because it's a really tiny thing but a huge thing all at the same time.... As in asking her not to post the photos is a really small thing but her still posting them had the potential to be huge. Especially when my sis cannot 'police' what she is posting ie identifying pics of her in school uniform, photos of her naked at the beach etc. Obviously she can't report to fb because she has blocked us all.
I made up an Instagram account which is how we can see her pictures but that just makes my sisters point even greater as she has let me follow her on Instagram without even knowing who I am.
I'm going to see if there is anything that can be done legally because surely posting photos of someone's child without their parents permission is against the law?!

OP posts:
HereIAm20 · 13/10/2016 11:21

Except if the father is giving her permission then she has a parent's permission so I am not sure how that would help.

It must be very frustrating and I too would find the comments more hurtful than the pictures actually but then again I do post pictures of my kids online.

I would never refer to my step-on as my son though but when I post about all of the kids (step and my own as they are all boys I may refer to them as my boys) but never in the context of the stepchild alone.
As someone said above step parents are asked to treat the stepchildren as if they are their own without them actually being their own.

Do they have their own children too. The novelty may wear off if they start their own family.

I think there are bigger arguments to be had though such as an appropriate rate of maintenance.

Pisssssedofff · 13/10/2016 11:27

Have they been to court over contact ? Maybe do that and make this part of the proceedings. I took my ex to court to formalise things even though I knew it would initially make things worst for me, part of our order is no disparaging the other parent. Impossible to police but worth a try