Is my dd bu to not want pictures of her daughter

[smileyhappypeople]

To be posted on social media by her exes girlfriend??
My ds doesn't put photos of her daughter on social media (although not entirely sure whether that even matters)
she has asked the girlfriend to stop posting pictures but all she's done is block my ds so she can't see them instead.
We have managed to get a look at her social media pages and the whole thing is my dn with hashtag love her, my best friend, miss her so much, loves my little girl etc etc
I get its nice to have a step parent that loves your dd but I personally think she has gone too far and seems a bit obsessed!
I think the girlfriend is being hugely disrespectful to her as a mother but is my ds bu?
Is there anything she can do about it?

[smileyhappypeople]

It is quite high conflict mostly because her dad is a complete idiot! (And that's not me being biased he is actually stupid!)
Talking to him about safety etc or trying to get him to understand from her point of view is a complete waste of time.... He's just turned up at my sisters house today with her daughter (who's 5 but probably height and weight of a 3/4 year old) sat in the front seat of his car with no car seat or booster or anything. Seat belt on but diagonal but behind her back so basically a lap belt!
I might tell her to try the Facebook reporting thing but I don't know how Instagram works so not sure what she can do about that.
I just feel so sorry for her because it's a continuous battle with everything and every time she just gives up and gets on with it (maintenance for eg) he finds something else to just be a complete fucking dick about!
I actually feel a little bit sorry for his gf because she is a complete rebound relationship. They have been together before and split up. She got married to someone else but has obviously just sat waiting in the hope my sisters ex would leave her because as soon as my sister kicked him out she left her husband to get back with him and I honestly think if my sister asked him to give things another go he would leave her in an instant! But she is obsessed with his daughter to the point where we have wondered if she can't have her own kids or something so is with him just for his little girl! It's weird!

[NNChangeAgain]

Especially when my sis cannot 'police' what she is posting ie identifying pics of her in school uniform, photos of her naked at the beach etc.

Is the DC safe with her father? Because that is the key issue - if one parent believes the other is putting their DC at risk, then they have a responsibility to intervene; with the support of the court, if necessary.

It sounds like a high-conflict separation, so mediation is the first step; but in the mean time if the mother believes her DC is a risk of harm, then contact should be stopped.

[BombayBonsai]

They definitely don't need to both agree given that it's my daughters dad's profile who I reported and had pictures removed.

[HSMMaCM]

The Facebook link clearly says a parent can ask for them to be removed. It doesn't say both parents have to agree.

[PoppyBirdOnAWire]

She is claiming some sort of ownership. I would not approve.

[BombayBonsai]

Fwiw I reported my ex for posting photos of DD using the under 13 reason. They all got removed. I had him blocked but a friend used her fb to give me all the URLs of the photographs and that was all I needed to give them.

[Memoires]

When you talk to your ex about this, you could emphasise the more dangerous aspect of fb, like you have no idea who's looking at your photos, who's looking at your page. Ask him to ensure that her privacy settings are really tight. I've found that people don't think about that aspect so much, but if you point it out to them they become more careful.

If your ex is OK with her posting those pics, then you're a bit stuck, but if her settings are good and she's not friending anyone and everyone, then it's not so bad. She could make a group of people she actually knows in rl and make the pics only visible to them.

[MuseumOfCurry]

or can come across a bit desperate, needy or showoffy when on social media.

Yep. I'm cringing on her behalf.

[TheCatsMother99]

The comments are too much, I also think it sounds like the girlfriend is going OTT to impress her boyfriend, the ex.

It's nice that she treats her well and with kindness but I sometimes find it a little odd when new girlfriends are so intense with their relationship with their partner's kid(s), it's like it's a competition or can come across a bit desperate, needy or showoffy when on social media.

[MuseumOfCurry]

Sounds messy. Sorry OP.

[Pisssssedofff]

Have they been to court over contact ? Maybe do that and make this part of the proceedings. I took my ex to court to formalise things even though I knew it would initially make things worst for me, part of our order is no disparaging the other parent. Impossible to police but worth a try

[HereIAm20]

Except if the father is giving her permission then she has a parent's permission so I am not sure how that would help.

It must be very frustrating and I too would find the comments more hurtful than the pictures actually but then again I do post pictures of my kids online.

I would never refer to my step-on as my son though but when I post about all of the kids (step and my own as they are all boys I may refer to them as my boys) but never in the context of the stepchild alone.
As someone said above step parents are asked to treat the stepchildren as if they are their own without them actually being their own.

Do they have their own children too. The novelty may wear off if they start their own family.

I think there are bigger arguments to be had though such as an appropriate rate of maintenance.

[smileyhappypeople]

Thanks for replys everyone. She asked her nicely not to do it and she explained her reasons but her ex has this huge thing that she is just doing everything to piss him off etc so he would probably encourage her.
They also have this huge thing that my sister is the worst mum ever and that her dd should go and live with them. (Despite him paying 1p maintenance a month and dropping her in the shit at every opp, but that's a different thread! Ha)
It's not a new gf so not to impress I don't think, they were together before my dsis was with him and now have been back together for almost 2 years.
There are many other issues I suppose but I just find this so disrepectful! Because it's a really tiny thing but a huge thing all at the same time.... As in asking her not to post the photos is a really small thing but her still posting them had the potential to be huge. Especially when my sis cannot 'police' what she is posting ie identifying pics of her in school uniform, photos of her naked at the beach etc. Obviously she can't report to fb because she has blocked us all.
I made up an Instagram account which is how we can see her pictures but that just makes my sisters point even greater as she has let me follow her on Instagram without even knowing who I am.
I'm going to see if there is anything that can be done legally because surely posting photos of someone's child without their parents permission is against the law?!

[WorraLiberty]

If the child's dad is ok with it, FB won't take it down.

You say you've 'managed to take a look at her social media pages'.

How? Are they private or public?

[MuseumOfCurry]

Jesus, are people really this lacking in self-awareness?

Of course you shouldn't post pictures of someone else's child on FB and the comments are gratuitously incendiary.

[Pisssssedofff]

I would imagine if you talk to the ex and let on you don't like the girl it'll increase her attractiveness. I'd sit back, she'll hang herself so to speak.

[NickiFury]

What a tiresome woman. Honestly that's the only way to deal with it, she's tiresome and immature and hopefully she will have her own child soon and get over her romanticised and ridiculous attachment to yours. I hear you though, it would drive me nuts and I would speak to my ex about it. Fortunately as he would hate it if the situations were reversed he would soon shut that crap down.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

You don't know that she was respectfully asked at all.

If she has one person saying take them down and another saying keep them up then she will probably listen to the one she is closest to.

She blocked so they couldn't be seen and offend anyone but then the op and her dd went out of their way to gain access to her page and see what she was posting. I'm not sure why really.

It would piss me off too, no doubt, but there's nothing that can be done as one parent has given consent.

All the mum can do is just not look and wind herself up about it. Some battles aren't worth having.

[SemiNormal]

The fact that she refused to take them down when respectfully asked not to post them speaks volumes! If she really cared about the little girl then she would go to great lengths to ensure that the relationship between her (step mum) and bio mum was amicable and that they could discuss these things in an adult manner. Instead she's thrown her toys out of the pram, refused to listen to reason and ignored the wishes of the mother of the child she professes to love. She sounds like fucking horrible childish person who quite frankly I wouldn't want around my child.

[Tarttlet]

"she sounds like a pschyo"

In what way?

[Pisssssedofff]

She won't be around long I bet, I wouldn't sweat the small stuff, she sounds like a pschyo there will be bigger stuff to worry about I imagine

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

The pictures are one thing but the comments are a big NO.

Looks like the woman's very attention seeking, and it says a lot about her when she knows that it upsets your sister and still keeps on doing it - just plain nasty.

[mouldycheesefan]

Facebook won't care as she can post any of her own pictures she wants on there! And say what she wants. Speak to the ex is your only way of stopping her.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

Trying to let your ex see what a wonderful step-mother she'd make, I suspect.

And I'll bet she wouldn't. Excessive gushing like this is always a cover-up for insincerity, IME.

What does your daughter think of it all - or is she too young to be aware?

[HSMMaCM]

Your DD needs to talk to the child's father. If he is happy for the photos to be posted, then your DD needs to report them to Facebook (see the link posted above).

Personally like your DD I don't think people should post pictures of children on social media, but he may have a different opinion. The girlfriend is a bit over the top with her comments and that would REALLY annoy me, but not sure how you could stop that.