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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask a very personal question?

416 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 12/10/2016 16:36

I am talking pubic hair. What does everyone do with it? I hate mine (especially as I get older it's getting wilder!) but what I hate more is bumpy itchy red skin whenever I try to tackle it. However I seem to be under the impression that most women are smooth and basically hairless down there and I must seem like some sort of cave woman or 70s porn star in comparison.

My husband hasn't mentioned that he minds at all...but maybe he does?

And if everyone is hairless and neat down there please please tell me how to do it without hideous rashes!!!

OP posts:
2kids2dogsnosense · 12/10/2016 22:06

Merryweather

Grin
ComputerUserNotTrained · 12/10/2016 22:06

why do the non hair-removers bother to 'tidy up edges' for swimming? If you're so 'right on' and happy with your decision, what does it matter if hairs are visible?

Pubic hair is much like a nipple or a bollock in the public decency and privacy stakes. Whilst an occasional, accidental flash is hardly going to cause emotional scarring to passersby, keeping them hidden is the preferred option.

Mrsemcgregor · 12/10/2016 22:07

I didn't realise this was such an emotive subject. I apologise for causing any bad feeling. I just wanted to know for my own piece of mind that I am not the only woman to support a full bush. It's easy to feel shamed into a certain expectation of how women should look and I feel like the current opinion is that women should be hairless.

I don't follow this trend/expectation because personally it makes me physically uncomfortable. But I often worry that the vast majority go hairless/well manicured and I am some sort of unkempt freak!

It's nice to know there are lots of women like me, and also lots of women that choose to go hairless (and don't get sore!). I am happy we all choose what makes us most comfortable.

OP posts:
Muscatqueen · 12/10/2016 22:08

When needs must (holidays) I nair the whole shebang, but I must admit I've got the mother of all ingrowing hairs. Comes and goes, but it's there.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/10/2016 22:09

RiverTam... as a feminist-lite (perhaps), I like to err on the side of treating women as sentient beings with brains in their head, therefore able to do or not do what is best for them without any sort of 'guiding hand' from other women.

You say, Men I'm sure can look out for themselves... the inference being that women cannot. I can't accept the logic of that, it actually shocked me a bit, but I acknowledge that you do.

I really think that the best way of empowering women is to stop judging them and instructing them so much. Women as a whole are fabulously dextrous of mind (in my opinion) and perfectly capable of doing or not doing what they perceive is a by-product of pressure.

I think that we should stop looking at anybody's body with a critical eye - male or female - for ANY reason, just focus on our own. I think we'd be a truly happy people then.

Mishaps · 12/10/2016 22:10

Why should you "tackle" it and why should your OH "mind"? It's how grown adult women look. It is definitely a passing fashion to shave or otherwise remove pubic hair, and the sooner it passes the better.

For heavens sake - what sort of message does this send to pubescent daughters about how they should feel about their bodies?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/10/2016 22:11

x-posted with lots... I really don't think we're on opposing sides actually, any of us. :)

annandale · 12/10/2016 22:12

CBA to do anything with it, other than a bit of a wash daily. I've been known to make little plaits when daydreaming. I see the argument re sensitivity though. Did once have waxing up to the top of the leg and asked myself why in the world I was paying a fortune to be in pain.

Maybe the tide will turn, since the British women's cycling team have all had to be banned from hair removal due to the infections and boils they were developing. Who knows.

D0ggyBurns · 12/10/2016 22:16

Every few years weeks I get the flymo scissors out!

YouHadMeAtCake · 12/10/2016 22:16

Funny how us smoothies couldn't care less if the hairy amongst us like being that way but we are criticised and belittled for our choice.

MrsMarigold · 12/10/2016 22:18

I wax sporadically and trim sporadically, but I'm suprised people find it less sweaty. I don't gave very thick hair and it is blonde but I grew up in a hot country and find pubes help wick sweat away from the skin. I have herpes and find waxing often (I only do it with hot wax) aggravates that and leads to attacks. Although I like it neat round the edges. I always threaten my husband with the Tiffany blue box ( a friend said they were all the rage in NY about 14 years ago) it is a Brazilian with the landing strip dyed the colour of a Tiffany blue box and is rewarded with something hard and precious, but knowing my luck I would probably be allergic to the dye!

YuckYuckEwwww · 12/10/2016 22:20

Funny how us smoothies couldn't care less if the hairy amongst us like being that way but we are criticised and belittled for our choice

Being critical of a social trend does not = criticising or belittling the individuals who take part in said trend

RiverTam · 12/10/2016 22:20

No, I'm not inferring that women can't look out for themselves, simply that I'm not bothered about them in the same way.

I also like to think that women have brains in their heads but are you saying that you don't think that there is currently a lot of pressure on young women to remove their pubic hair and that there may not be a whole lot of choosing going on? Or do you think that, simply by osmosis or something, that a generation of women simply decided to go through the hassle of removing their pubic hair, without any care for societal norms for their generation?

I have a brain in my head. I don't live in a bubble. I was very self conscious and didn't have great self esteem as a teen or younger woman. I'm pretty sure that I would have felt obliged to remove my pubes, regardless of the discomfort to myself, to avoid the exact kind of shaming you're talking about. Do you think I would be alone in thing like that?

I'm not judging any woman, either in this thread or in real life. I'm sure as casting a critical eye over what might have caused this shift in behaviour. Though I think there is some judging going on on this thread.

RiverTam · 12/10/2016 22:22

Sorry, that first sentence should say that I'm not bothered about men in the same way I am about women. I need to go to bed?

anna that made me wince!

Italiangreyhound · 12/10/2016 22:25

Mrsemcgregor it is completely normal for adult human females to have hair on their nu-ni, as we euphemistically call it in our house. I would be quite upset if my dh objected to it and would certainly not remove it for him or anyone else.

The only thing I do is pluck the stray individual hairs that appear on my belly before the top of the hair line.

annandale · 12/10/2016 22:25

I suppose fundamentally I don't think of myself as hairy/hairyflapped/fuzzy - if I think about the hair at all i think of it as normal. Which I'm afraid probably does imply that I think of a body with it all removed as abnormal. I know lots of cultures remove female body hair as a matter of course though.

Italiangreyhound · 12/10/2016 22:26

Totally agree with Mishaps re "what sort of message does this send to pubescent daughters about how they should feel about their bodies?"

jellycat1 · 12/10/2016 22:26

Hot wax for me. Always salon. After a while it grows back less and less.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/10/2016 22:36

RiverTam... Yes and no. I think there is SOME pressure on both men and women to remove pubic hair, yes. I think that perhaps men, on balance, might find it easier to say "No, I'm not doing that". Girls/young women might find it harder and there's the imbalance, I completely agree with you there. On actually doing something they don't want to do - I'm not convinced. I was also a confidence-lacking teen (I think we are legion) and if anything, that lack of confidence can make us less likely to follow the crowd. After all, if we don't feel part of it, there's no point in pretending to be in it. It can work conversely though too, I think - pressure to comply can be acute and yes, I can see that some women especially might feel pressure to remove pubic hair to 'belong'.

Where I think we differ is that I don't think being strident to women works, I really don't. If we talk about the patriarchy's success in getting women to behave in a certain way I would say that little of that was down to hectoring, it has always been more insidious and less easy to spot. I think women, when talking to other women, prefer a more honest and personal approach - eg. "I do x, you do y, all fine". I know this is what makes me less likely to disregard anyway.

I know I'm being horribly over-simplistic and I'm not up to date with feminism, I know very little about it, but I do fundamentally believe that judgement of women somehow hurts more when it comes from other women. I don't believe that men judge each other's hairiness or physique in the same way and I envy them that, I really do.

I think it's time for me to go to bed too. It's interesting to talk about these things but I'm mindful that in my earnestness sometimes, I can come across as abrasive and I really don't mean to - least of all in a judgemental way so sincere apologies if I have offended anybody on the thread.

rosyvalentine · 12/10/2016 22:45

About 15 years ago my mum got into the swimming pool at her gym after someone had screwed up with the chlorine (she didn't know this obviously). The over-chlorinated water burnt all hers off and it has never grown back. I kid you not! Luckily she had no other side effects.

I don't recommend this method of hair removal though Grin

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 12/10/2016 22:47

Another thing is that its all very well to be hairless before having a baby, but after having a baby, the labia skin looks saggier and redder and would be better being at least somewhat covered!

That's absolutely not the case for me. My labia look exactly the same, pre and post. Confused

Clankboing · 12/10/2016 22:55

I use nair cream every now and then just around the edges that poke out of my knickers, but don't stress too much about it. It doesnt hurt like shaving or waxing. I would never frequently do something to my body that caused pain and took up precious time, just for appearances sake. And I worry if young adults do this as my children are now getting older and I dislike the desperation it seems to imply.

MarklahMarklah · 12/10/2016 22:56

Trim the straggly bits and leave the rest alone. Pant escapees are cut down to a size where they don't show.

YuckYuckEwwww · 12/10/2016 22:58

Pubic hair is the default
Removing it is the deviation from the default

Under-arm hair is the same
I shave my underarm
I don't take personal offense at people questioning why we feel the need to change our natural form from hair under arms to hairless.

I don't shout that "IT'S NOT OF ANY FEMINISM CONCERN IT'S JUST MY CHOICE" when feminists discuss under arm hair, I think 'hmm, interesting issue"

I also freely admit to shaving my underarm because although I prefer a hairy muff - it's hidden so won't be judged as it's only seen by people I trust/like. But I don't feel confident to go out in public hairy pit-ed!

How come there isn't a single shaved poster who will admit that they do feel a societal pressure to be shaven, it doesn't say anything about you, it says something about society.

There must be someone out there who is shaved because they feel shaved is expected? in the same way I do my pits cause I feel it's expected of me by society and I just am not up to being a trail-blazer

Memoires · 12/10/2016 23:03

Mine is au naturelle. I don't much worry about other people's.