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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with DH after my first day back at work

54 replies

Roshambo · 10/10/2016 21:38

Today was my first day back at work full time after mat leave. It is also my DH's bday. Card and pressies for him this morning in bed with kids when we woke up. Both got up and had breakfast/got kids (4 yrs and 8mths) ready. I took them to childminder en route to work and collected them after work, home by 530. DH is off work this week. Got home to find him playing Xbox in his pjs still. He decided to then have a shower while I (still in work clothes) got dinner ready, folded laundry and looked after kids. By time we were brushing kids teeth for bed time he still hadn't asked me how my day was, so I said "I had a great first day thanks for asking". To which he said he had asked (I definitely do not remember this) and stormed off to read ds a story (normally something we all sit and do together). I haven't stopped since getting home so I sat in lounge with him for about 15 mins and have gone to bed early as an shattered. Am I in the wrong to be p*ed off with his attitude? Should I be more lenient because it's his birthday?

OP posts:

Strawberry90 · 10/10/2016 21:41

I think he's pissed off you've not done more for his birthday. Do you normally celebrate it more?

Strawberry90 · 10/10/2016 21:42

But frankly he should have taken kids and collected them if he's off work and it's your first day

ImperialBlether · 10/10/2016 21:42

How on earth could she celebrate more when she's been working since dawn? He's had a lovely day in his pyjamas, doing fuck all, and she's done absolutely everything.

SheldonsSpot · 10/10/2016 21:43

Why are your kids at the childminders when your DH is off work all week?

Strawberry90 · 10/10/2016 21:45

Could have taken day off too
could have arranged to have a take away and a bottle of wine/watch a special movie
could have brought a cake home..,

I'm not critusing the op - he should have done more. Just trying to offer a poss explanation as to why he's acting like this.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 10/10/2016 21:45

This would make more sense if the thread said teen ds not dh...
He is an arse.
Hope your day was good btw!!

MistresssIggi · 10/10/2016 21:49

Why isn't he taking or collecting the dcs? You do not want to be the default picker upper and dropper offer for ever.

Soubriquet · 10/10/2016 21:50

Yes why did they have to go to childminder if he was at home?

HermioneJeanGranger · 10/10/2016 21:51

Why are the kids at the childminder if your DH is off work for the week?

ImperialBlether · 10/10/2016 21:53

Strawberry, did you read the OP, where she says it was her first day back after maternity leave?

Strawberry90 · 10/10/2016 21:56

Yes... I did. I'm not defending - he should have done more.

If it was me tho I'd have gone back tomorrow instead (used holidays) to spend day with DH if he was off too. As I said I'm just saying I think that's why he was acting the way he did. Thought it was a bit more use than just calling him an arse!!

MistresssIggi · 10/10/2016 21:58

To be fair, if I had the chance to send dcs to childminder on my birthday, I would.

Littlecaf · 10/10/2016 21:58

YANBU. I doesn't matter if it's his birthday, he doesn't get to option out of doing the routine with the kids.

WineIsMyMainVice · 10/10/2016 22:04

If there was laundry that needed doing, at the very LEAST, he could have done this. But I also would have hoped/expected him to do either drop off or pick up, seeing as he's off this week.
Yanbu.
Hope your return to work wasn't too hard. It does get easier.

Original poster

Roshambo · 11/10/2016 07:48

Thanks all...
Kids at childminder as DH was meant to start a new job this week, however start date put back last minute to next Monday. Too late to cancel childcare and too late to book another day's hols for me. So was meant to be first day back at work for both of us. Had our ds birthday at weekend so we already have lots of cake etc and had nice birthday time for dh in the morning before I went to work (unwrapped his pressies, sang happy birthday, breakfast together etc). No different to normal celebrations. I had already prepped a meal for the evening and we had a bottle of sparkling wine (don't normally drink in week). I don't mind that he spent the day in his pyjamas but am annoyed that he waited til I got home to have a shower, when that should have been family time together. Hope helps explain some questions. X

OP posts:

Strawberry90 · 11/10/2016 07:56

Yes - then I agree he was totally arse and you aren't unreasonable at all for expecting more. Tell him to buck up and help you out more. First week back at work after mat leave is stressful, emotional and tiring!!

Wrinklytights · 11/10/2016 08:04

Sounds like you were being PA/a martyr and it pissed him off on his birthday - did the laundry really need to be folded? Presumably if he's off all week he could have done it tomorrow. You were both BU as he should have asked about your day, but a shower takes five mind so no big deal and it's mean that you were huffing about doing jobs and then fucked off to bed early on his birthday.

pinkdelight · 11/10/2016 08:10

All those saying why are kids at CM when he's off work - um, because it wouldn't be a day off if he was looking after the kids. Unless you think SAHPs have weeks off when they're looking after DC. Presumably he wanted a break on his birthday. Fair enough! But agree he should've thought of the OP more and asked how her day was, not had a huff etc.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 11/10/2016 08:46

YANBU. Maybe he felt a bit miffed that you weren't at home for his birthday so that you could celebrate it together? However I find it very difficult to feel any sympathy for a grown man who slobs about in his pyjamas all day. He could've ferried the children back and forth and cooked a special dinner for you both so you could've had a nice evening. Lazy article. No wonder you're exhausted and you're both fed up. I hope he grows up a bit more and that this type of thing doesn't drive a wedge or resentment between you.

leaveittothediva · 11/10/2016 09:15

Mountain out of a molehill. You sound like a pain in the backside, you should have had your dinner, and cracked open that bottle and put your feet up. Wtf, we're you running around doing. You're just pissed off at being back in work while he's had a jolly little time at home on his birthday. Are you going to be on your deathbed worrying about the fucking laundry you didn't get to fold. Jeeeeezus. Life is short.

KinkyAfro · 11/10/2016 10:00

Bit harsh leave and op has already stated it was too short to book a day off too

EdmundCleverClogs · 11/10/2016 10:19

He should have asked how your day went, and given you a second to get changed. The rest of it though, I think you may be overreacting slightly. Unless he's always like this on days off, I think having a 'very lazy day' on your birthday sounds like bliss. If it was a one off, I can't see an issue. As for food and laundry, in our house the birthday person isn't required to cook or do chores. It's usually order food/feet up sort of day. He's not a child, but maybe he felt like by the time everyone was home 'his day' was over?

BiddyPop · 11/10/2016 10:39

Yes, but a "lazy day" does not need to mean that you are sooo lazy that it is 5.30pm before you even shower and get dressed.

A lazy day means lazing around in your PJs playing xbox, until 4.30/5pm, then showering before DW is due home and being ready to be part of the family at that stage. Having had, y'know, ALL DAY to yourself doing nothing!!

Especially when it was DWs first day back after mat leave and she had actually ensured that the birthday was celebrated!

EdmundCleverClogs · 11/10/2016 10:48

Why did he 'need' to get dressed/shower that day? One day of mooching around doesn't hurt anyone. Did just suddenly 'decide' to get dressed/shower etc when you got home, op? Or did you mention that he seem to have 'done nothing' all day? Seems odd that he became cross for no apparent reason.

Original poster

Roshambo · 11/10/2016 10:53

Ah, loving reading your posts, reactions making me giggle so that is good. I didn't mention I have horrific lurgy (great timing for my return to work) and I get up in night to breastfeed my baby when she wakes so I was genuinely v tired and tried to sit with him in the evening but he just looked at his phone, so I went to bed. If only his showers took 5 mins... Even a toilet trip takes him a good 30 mins! So he was gone for 30 mins, meaning dinner was delayed and had no time to relax after dinner with him and children. The laundry isn't a major thing however I have to do a wash a day to keep up and take down the dry stuff each day to make room for next wash, otherwise it starts to overflow! So it would have been nice to not have to do that when I got home from work.

OP posts:

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