AIBU to be annoyed with DH after my first day back at work

[Roshambo]

Today was my first day back at work full time after mat leave. It is also my DH's bday. Card and pressies for him this morning in bed with kids when we woke up. Both got up and had breakfast/got kids (4 yrs and 8mths) ready. I took them to childminder en route to work and collected them after work, home by 530. DH is off work this week. Got home to find him playing Xbox in his pjs still. He decided to then have a shower while I (still in work clothes) got dinner ready, folded laundry and looked after kids. By time we were brushing kids teeth for bed time he still hadn't asked me how my day was, so I said "I had a great first day thanks for asking". To which he said he had asked (I definitely do not remember this) and stormed off to read ds a story (normally something we all sit and do together). I haven't stopped since getting home so I sat in lounge with him for about 15 mins and have gone to bed early as an shattered. Am I in the wrong to be p*ed off with his attitude? Should I be more lenient because it's his birthday?

[mouldycheesefan]

He should have asked you how your day was.
Technically he should be allowed to sit round in his pjs playing computer games in his birthday however the fact he chose this fairly crappy birthday suggests he may be depressed?
He should have taken and picked up kids if he wasn't at work, no need for childminder even if you booked and paid for it, doesn't mean you have to use it!
Overall it sounds like a pretty crap birthday. Nothing landed for the evening and no celebrations going to take place at the weekend? All sounds a bit miserable.
Can you get a babysitter and go out with some friends for drinks at the weekend?

[Roshambo]

Meant to say, I took him out for a meal on Friday for his birthday. We don't have family near, and are fairly new to area, and my mum was staying so we got a rare night out, which was lovely.

[mouldycheesefan]

Ok well he is either very lazy or he is depressed. Neither would appeal to me in a partner I have to say.

[SapphireStrange]

He's being babyish. Sulking is never attractive. Why couldn't he get off his arse and do dinner?

You need to hammer out a routine/split of work now that you're back working outside of home, OP.

[gingina]

It all sounds very passive aggressive to me. Why did you wait for him to ask if you had a good day then snipe at him when he didn't ask? Why not just tell him how your day was?
On a normal day I would have said he was being a lazy arsewipe but I guess because it was his birthday you should let him off.
What will he do for the rest of his week off? Will it be more lazing around playing games while you work all day? I'd give him a list of jobs that need doing and make him drop the kids off and pick them up.

[hopelesslycynical]

YABU. From what you have said, I don't see any sign of him having an "attitude" as you put it, or that he has done anything that requires you to be lenient. It was his birthday, his day off, what possible harm did it cause for him to spend his day in his pj's and playing his Xbox. Even if he had a shower when you got home from work, and it took 30 minutes, so what? You say he helped to get the kids ready in the morning and cleaned their teeth at bedtime, so its not like he did nothing all day. You sound a little needy to be honest, even if he didn't ask how your day had been (which he disputes), why wait until bed time to passively aggressively tell him? You could easily have discussed it over dinner.

[Canyouforgiveher]

Sounds like you were being PA/a martyr and it pissed him off on his birthday - did the laundry really need to be folded?

That is a really funny comment. Is there a rule now that adults not only skip the minutiae of living on their birthdays but also should be shielded from anyone else picking up the slack or just - god forbid - going about a normal day in which meals get made and laundry gets folded?

[SapphireStrange]

did the laundry really need to be folded? Arguably not, no, but the kids did need looking after, and the OP did that too.

[myownprivateidaho]

Yeah, I think that it sounds a bit like you just came in and started doing busy-work. Being pissed off with him for having a shower during family time doesn't work if you're using family time to fold laundry! Couldn't you have just asked him to do it in the morning (if you thought he needed to be asked). And getting pissed off at someone for not asking about your day is just tiresome. Just tell him how it was! No big deal.

[EllyMayClampett]

YANBU

He sounds very immature. What on earth was he expecting?

[Strawberry90]

Leaveittothediva - you sound horrible. There's no need for such harsh comments.

[Anniegetyourgun]

You do have to fold laundry as soon as it's done, otherwise it goes all wrinkled and has to be ironed again (or some damned fool dumps dirty laundry on top of it, or the cat walks over it with muddy feet, etc etc). I'm the biggest procrastinator going, but I do get the laundry tidied away as soon as it's done as it saves more trouble than it takes.

As for adults expecting more than presents, cards, breakfast and dinner made for them (by someone who's working when they aren't), sparkling wine and a child-free day with X-box for their birthday, bloody hell, spoiled or what? Wot no Ferrari? No diamond cuff-links? Maybe the budget doesn't run to it. OP's personal energy apparently doesn't run to more than arranging all the above treats plus overnight breastfeeding plus full day in a new job plus childcare and household chores, and more to the point, why the fuck should it?

[leaveittothediva]

Strawberry90. Thanks a million for your perspective, much appreciated.

[puglife15]

I would be annoyed in your situation but I would have probably let it slide as it was his birthday.

For those asking why you kept childminder, have none of you ever used childcare to enjoy a child free day? It's not compulsory to use it only for work.

[MistresssIggi]

Leaveittothediva
Did you just come on to be unpleasant? Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Will he help out in future, split the housework and all the mental labour labour that goes into running a family?

[harshbuttrue1980]

I can't stand birthday sulkers. On here, its usually the woman, complaining that all they got was a present and a meal out, and how terrible it is that their husbands make them lift a finger on their birthday. OP, it sounds like your husband was sulking because he wanted you to make more of his birthday. Its a bit pathetic - something gained due to sulking isn't worth anything anyway, so people should take what they're given on their birthdays, and can't opt out of adult life for the whole day. Maybe a little different if a really significant birthday.

[leaveittothediva]

MistresssIggi. Thank you for your comment and your perspective.

[FarAwayHills]

YANBU

I don't and understand PPs saying this was a crappy birthday for her DH. He's had presents and a fuss at breakfast, off work a week and sat on his arse all day in his pjs not lifting a finger. This is utter bliss for a parent of young DCs. What should the OP have done - whisked him off helicopter for a day of champagne and luxury while also keeping house and looking after two young DCs.

[FarAwayHills]

Also wondered what normally happens on your birthday OP?

[ICancelledTheCheque]

Meh, it's one day, and it was his birthday after all.

Assuming it isn't like that daily then I don't see that he's done anything wrong really.

[Highlandfling80]

Yanbu

[DontMindMe1]

I think he's the passive aggressive one.

How on earth could she celebrate more when she's been working since dawn?
And i think this is his issue. She's back at work and he doesn't like it - means he has to now start helping out at home more.
See how easily he ignored the prepped dinner, the laundry....made sure it was you who did it when you got back.

He chose not to ask about your first day back at work after mat leave - it's a big change in routine to 'forget'. He just didn't want you to feel good about it - you know, in case it 'encourages' you to remain in work

And then to drive his passive aggressive point home he made sure to behave in an out-of-the-norm way.
he was gone for 30 mins, meaning dinner was delayed...had no time to relax after dinner with him and children

It was your first day back and all he's done is try and manipulate it to look like YOU are the reason why things are not done/disrupted/stressed/chaotic.

He's a twat. Don't let him get away with it. He's got a full week to learn how to now start supporting YOU.