DC passed grammar test how about a well done?

[monkeytree]

It really seems that we live in a culture where it is not the done thing to congratulate or praise those who do well.

My dd has passed for grammar school despite only be considered average at school, no heavy, intense tutoring just support from me and her dad yet she has gone on to pass the grammar test with flying colours. Some of the children considered to be top performers did not pass. I know it is hard on the child if they don't pass but other than my two closest friends there has not been a well done uttered by another parent. Dd has been scolded by another parent about talking about it and neither her teacher or headmaster have offered words of congratulation to her. Another girl in dd's class (obviously this had come from the parent) had said dd only passed because she got extra marks being the youngest in the class. Why can't people be civil and at least say well done? Feel annoyed with school because they have left dd in the middle sets and not helped her to progress. I know it doesn't really matter to anyone else that my dd has worked hard and gained a place at grammar but we don't seem to live in a culture which celebrates anyone else's success. Obviously, I've spoilt my dd rotten for doing so well and I am so proud of her as she is proud of herself and that's the main thing.

I think sometimes teachers don't like to be wrong-footed about their predictions. Make sure your DD know YOU think she's brilliant.

I don't understand why you want or think you should have, congratulations from so many other people. She did the test for herself and she passed. She is proud of herself and you are proud of her. That's great.

And of course you need to be mindful of other kids who may have tried their best or been consistently high performing, but didn't pass the test.
If the test results don't reflect the overall abilities of the children sitting it, then what exactly is it testing!

I really would think twice about the whole 'spoiling rotten' thing. school sound more balanced in their approach.

Honestly the grammar school system stinks. Getting a place is down to preparation and an exam on one day if your life. If it takes effort to pass the eleven plus then effort of passing the eleven plus deserves praise. If ad the grammar advocates claim the eleven plus is tutor proof then why should a child be praised for innate intelligence?

When I passed 'the scholarship' as the 11Plus was called in far off days, I was away on holiday despite it being term time (something you could do in the olden days) , my headteacher, who knew where we were staying, sent a telegram (an ancient form of communication) to let my mum know.

Mum was thrilled and showed all fellow guests the telegram, they showered me with congratulations. It was lovely.

Silly question, but if they do pass do you just put one school on your council form?

Don't worry about the sets she's been in until now. Grammar school entrance exams test intelligence not education. Good luck to her and WELL DONE

Well done to your dd.
IRL, however. Other parents don't give a shit, and TBH. Theres no law or commandnent that says they have to.
Parents have their own child's achievements that they're proud of.
There's only one clever child in the world and every mother has it.

The grammar/ secondary modern often has misplaced children. The bottom set at many grammars achieve less than the top sets at secondary modern schools. Many middle class parents hothouse their kids. There isn't such a thing as an uncoachable test.

Assessing a child's innate intelligence is really difficult. It needs a proper educational pyhchologist which isn't affordable.

It has nothing to do with school and shouldn't have any place there. its a shitty system and shouldn't be allowed.

I think sometimes teachers don't like to be wrong-footed about their predictions.

Really, no. In the (Kent) schools I've worked in, no Y6 teacher has ever been down on kids or pissed off because a child passed unexpectedly etc. And don't forget the relevant teachers will have known about the results for about 2 weeks by now! Plenty time to get over it even if that was the case.

Results day is horrible in school. Teachers keep a lid on it because for every child that is delighted, there is one who is devastated. Everyone in their class knows they took it and will know they didn't pass too. It's a fucking awful system on so many levels as many other posters have said. I speak as a teacher and a Kent parent who has been through it and had to console an utterly devastated child who smashed the aggregate score but didn't get enough in one of the papers.

Many children succeed in grammar but many children struggle in grammar too - some who were high fliers in primary, some who passed well, some who scraped through and some who passed unexpectedly. I hope your DD does brilliantly but no point in being proud of her for getting there if she struggles once there.

Go out and have a nice meal to celebrate but don't berate those who are not, for whatever reason, as pleased as you.

Do Secondary Modern schools still exist? I thought they died out in the 70s.

My area has comprehensives with the rare child travelling a huge distance to a super selective. The result is that the comprensive schools are truely comprehensives. Results day for a suoerselective is not a big event when the majority of children haven't applied.

Have a bit of empathy for those who have failed.

It was a joke. I live in Canada.

Culturally Americans ARE more celebratory and there's nothing wrong with that. In context. But the British aren't as gushing and congratulatory. Wouldn't life be dull if we were all the same?

As far as I know Americans don't have grammar schools. I have to admit I though grammar schools and secondary moderns were assigned to the dustbin of history until Thersea May came along.

My daughter's class sit in mix ablity groups. In a lesson they are all given the same talk initially. If they can't do the initial talk they do an easier task called "consolidate", if they can't do that task there us an even easier task called recap. Alternatively any child can opt to do a harder task called "extend" if they think the initial task is too easy. However they aren't allowed to sit there doing nothing. There is also "super extend" for children who have completed the "extend" task to a good standard. I think the TAs have to work hard to make sure no child is twiddling their thumbs.

The atmosphere of dd's class us better now that there is no top table. Achievement is available to all those who work. No one is labelled as stupid by not being allowed to attempt difficult work.

Well, I was bullied when I passed my 11 plus - apparently anyone going to a grammar school must be a stuck up snob. That wasn't very nice. However, I never expected to be praised for passing it - it's not as if I had put in work revising for it, I'd just taken the test on the day with the rest of my class. I don't see what is praiseworthy about that. It's great news for your dd if she wants to go to the grammar school and is happy there, and it would be nice if people were pleased for her if it means she gets to go to the school she wants, but it's quite hard for a parent to gush about how great it is when someone else's child gets to go to the school they want and their child doesn't. Why, therefore, you expect anyone other than close friends to be happy for you and your child and go out of their way to congratulate you, I don't know, tbh. Did you go out of your way to congratulate children who got into the top sets at your child's school, or did you feel that would be an odd thing for you to do, or even feel jealously that it wasn't fair and your child should be one of them if she were only properly supported? The 11 plus is just one snapshot of a child and some children who could have done brilliantly at grammar schools fail it and some who pass it go on to struggle. Hopefully your dd will be in the former category - she has the ability, now she needs to be interested in the academic subjects taught and put in the effort.

It might seem rubbish to not have a big celebration for those who passed, but it's also pretty rubbish to throw your successes in the face of children who didn't pass.

How you feel about your child's achievement, and how your child feels about their own achievement, are all that matters. I don't understand why other people need to congratulate your daughter.

And I'm pleased I no longer live in Kent and didn't have to put my own children through that divisive test. Stupid system...

My oldest DN was always, like your dd's classmates, a top student but didn't perform on the day for the 11+. She was the only one out of her classmates/friends not to get into grammar school & the school was really good/bad (depending on your perspective) @ reminding her that the test didn't really suggest anything except being good at an exam on the day. Some of the parents whose kids did pass were really annoyed.

Now at 18 she's one of only 5 or 6 people in all of the local schools (grammar or not) to get into Oxbridge. Yet again the school has decided not celebrate (they see all universities as a milestone not just Oxbridge). So you can't fault the school really - they're looking out for the welfare of all their pupils.

Obviously, I've spoilt my dd rotten for doing so well

Why? What happened for doing well being the reward?
There will be lots of upset children; I can completely see why it's downplayed by school, especially when it's nothing really to do with them.

Way back in the 60s we were told to keep it low key. It's just a test of how you did on one day. Some who passed struggled the whole time through grammar. I felt really sorry for them. I coped ok but I hated it.

I'm glad grammars were abolished by the time my DSs would have taken it.

Well done.

Well done to your DD
Sadly some of the posters on here have proved your point!

The Sutton Trust pointed out that using our best test predictors of GCSE results (accuracy about 0.7), if the top 25% are selected on 11+ results, 1 in 5 will end up in the wrong school, which really makes a mockery of the whole system. There's all this talk about tests which you can't coach for, without actually stopping to think about whether the tests actually test for anything useful.