What's the best thing anyone has ever said or done when you were grieving?

[Flamingo1980]

You know how people always say "I didn't know what to do/say" when someone dies - let's find out what IS helpful. You lot always come out with brilliant stuff.

When my dad died everyone just said "Hope you're okay". I found this extremely unhelpful and actually very isolating. Of course I wasn't okay - but no offer of help, only 'hope'.
The best thing anyone said came from a girl I didn't know very well who just said: "I'm so sorry about your dad, it's shit isn't it?" - I was so relieved someone had acknowledged it was shit and so let me talk about how rubbish it was. The relief!
What have you found helped?

I had two late MCs many years ago. I've never dealt with them properly and a few months ago the grief came raging out of me in a very unexpected way. I was with a Italian catholic friend who got me through and referred to my angels in a very matter of fact way. His belief system not mine, but it was the first time someone acknowledged them as lost lives. It helped enormously, though I don't really know why.

My best friend died in a fire when I was 22. I'll always remember my dad telling me that when his best friend died (about five years before my friend) he had felt dreadful for about six months and that then the fog had started to lift a bit. I found it really helpful as it allowed me to grieve and not feel like I should be getting better sooner. He was right too, the fog did start to lift a bit. I also read somewhere that your grief doesn't diminish in time but that your life expands and that leaves more space for happiness to coexist with your grief.

When my cousin died, one of my good friends who i lived with at uni for 3 years texed me everyday for a month, with various things. She made me feel like my feelings mattered and she was genuinely sad about what i was going through. It was good to know that she was there.

When my dad died, a friend came over with wine. Lots of wine. She said 'I don't know what say, and I can't make it better, so let's get shitfaced'. It was actually just what I needed at the time.

Oohhh I like the shitfaced one, that sounds like just the job! 😀

I spent 3 days in the hospital with my grandad we knew he was going to die.

I went home to get some sleep, got a phone call at midnight, from mum, to say he had passed away. I got dressed and went down stairs. Dh had heard my mobile ring. He had gone downstairs and made me a cup of tea and gave me a cuddle. He then waited up for me.

When I got back at 3am he was sat waiting with rum and Coke (my favourite) and sat with me til I fell asleep again. At the funeral he was always close by without being over powering. Stood back when I was ok but always there when I needed him to lean on. He hasn't given much words of comfort, he hasn't had to.

I have lost a few people. Having dh there made all the difference.

I do remember one girl at work losing her mum. I responded like woman in the Op. The girl cried and thanked me . I was shocked. It taught me that sometimes people just need acknowledgement.