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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at everyone wanting to hold DD

65 replies

Christinedonna · 09/10/2016 20:36

Just that basically. DD is 7 weeks old and everyone wants to hold her all the time. Extended family I mean, aunts, uncles..and once they have her they let their kids (5 or 6 year old) hold her without running it past me.. They ensure their kids are sat down and help them hold her nicely but still, she's not a doll

OP posts:

BerylMeeps · 09/10/2016 20:40

Yabu

She's a baby. They're cute. I have this with 9wo DD. People like to cuddle babies, especially if they don't have teenies at home. It's nice. You get to drink your blessed cuppa tea in peace for once.

YANBU about the young kids tho, I wouldn't be ok with that.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/10/2016 20:41

You would love me, OP. I have never held a baby in my life and have gone out of my way to avoid doing so

user1471449040 · 09/10/2016 20:42

No way, that is too much holding, they'll be teaching her that she can't sleep without being held! Go ahead and ask for your baby back!

JonahAndTheSale · 09/10/2016 20:43

YABU

Fast forward a few months and people will really not be as keen to hold her!

and you'd let any random take her when the teething hell kicks in

Congratulations on having a lovely newborn!!

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 09/10/2016 20:43

Maybe appreciate that people are pleased about the new addition and want a relationship with her?? As long as they aren't nipping or poking her I am sure she doesn't really care tbh!! Use the time for a child - free cuppa!!

katemess12 · 09/10/2016 20:45

Yep, YABU.

My daughter is not much older than yours (less than 3 months), and I pass her off to one person and then she gets passed around to anyone else who wants a hold. It's great. I love that they love her so much.

We were at my grandmother's 80th birthday yesterday and I didn't hold DD except for when I was feeding her. It was awesome. I got to talk to people, without being distracted by DD, I got to eat lunch and cake freely, I got to spend time with my little cousins, playing etc. And everyone was happy awing over the baby. People love babies.

I've had kids hold DD. They sit down with her and we put something under their arm so they're propped up properly, and they don't really "hold" the baby, as much as the baby is just lying on them. I don't see the problem.

She might be my daughter, but she's not "mine". Just like she's not a doll, she's also not a possession, and I don't think it's a bad thing that people want to hold her and fuss over her. A baby cannot be too loved and too wanted.

BellaGoth · 09/10/2016 20:46

I love it when people want to hold my baby daughter, gives me a chance to regain the feeling in my arms! Bloody velcro baby.

Would you feel comfortable saying that the baby has been quite unsettled today so you would rather not pass her around?

HeyRobot · 09/10/2016 20:47

My baby couldn't sleep without being held. No-one taught her that, she came out that way. She grew out of it, I think all babies just do this at different times.

Original poster

Christinedonna · 09/10/2016 20:47

Because my family see her more there's less "ohh can I hold her" because I suppose the novelty has worn off (in the nicest way possible) they're just used to seeing her so don't need to hold her to make the most of it. I completely understand that his mum obviously wants to cuddle her granddaughter and the same with aunties etc but to an extent. One, she's very clingy to me so isn't happy being held by anyone else, unless she's asleep. But because it's OHs family and I know they mean well I don't feel comfortable saying no or saying "can I have her back now". But it just BAFFLES ME why no one ever offers! If you're holding someone's baby and she's crying surely you'd say "oh you want your mummy back" or atleast say to me "do you want her?". When the kids hold her though I just feel like crying, it really grates on me that I never hear "ask entermyname" and then the kids think they're entitled and every 10 minutes come back and say "can I hold her again"

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 09/10/2016 20:49

Everyone wants to hold the new baby

It's just what happens

Pretty soon no one will want to know

IHeartKingThistle · 09/10/2016 20:49

Aw I have gangly hulking children now and I take any opportunity I can to squish a baby. Don't be a meanie

cathf · 09/10/2016 20:51

This comes up often on MN and I have come to the conclusion it is a control thing.
OP, is this the first time you have felt so special and able to dictate your terms? Does it make you feel important?

switswoo81 · 09/10/2016 20:51

YABU they just want a cuddle. In about 18 months no one will want to see you coming so enjoy it now.

Gardencentregroupie · 09/10/2016 20:53

I was going to say YABU assuming she was content, but if she's crying and miserable they're being unreasonable, and so are you for not toughening up and taking her back to settle her.

memyselfandaye · 09/10/2016 20:56

Give it a few weeks then nobody will give a toss.

The novelty wears off really quickly.

Pineapplemilkshake · 09/10/2016 20:56

This would annoy me too. It was DN's baptism recently - he was 4 weeks old and being passed around like pass the bloody parcel. Even people with colds etc insisted on having their turn, and surprise surprise he ended up quite ill with a nasty URTI.

cathf · 09/10/2016 20:59

Pineapple, you do realise the point of a baptism is to welcome the child into the (church) family, don't you?
Not very welcoming for the family if you are standing on guard in case anyone should touch your precious child.

Original poster

Christinedonna · 09/10/2016 20:59

i don't mind people holding if one, they ask. It's not a control thing it's just polite to say "is it okay?" I'm not expecting "please can I.." And two, notice when it's no longer a "nice cuddle" and when she is no longer happy. I'm not saying she screams or hates it and I also don't wrap her in bubble wrap, I know babies cry but when she's clearly had enough then give her back. I feel like this is when OH should step in and say something and not leave it to me

OP posts:

badg3r · 09/10/2016 21:00

Yes I was also going to say yabu till I read the update. Yabu to not let family hold DD. They are bvu to insist on passing her round when she is obviously upset and needs her mum. Why would anyone want to hold a crying baby anyway?!

DH's family could be like this. Luckily my milk supply was extremely sensitive to DC's cry so every time I legitimately said I had to take them back to feed before my top was soaked. They got the hint soon enough and started handing them back unprompted when they started to cry

unimagmative13 · 09/10/2016 21:00

Yea I hate the toy thing but it's just normal for people to want to cuddle the baby. You need to chill.

I used to control the situation more like 'let nanny have a hold then it'll be time for a feed' or 'he's just woken up give him a minute to suss things out'

I have to control the situation now with an older baby who people still thinks wants to be held. He needs to get used the situation then he's fine. I hate wine I step into someone's home and they are so quick to snatch him.

It's hard but you have to let people in and it's easier to start now.

Original poster

Christinedonna · 09/10/2016 21:01

If it was her christening or something then I'd understand, we're all here for her I get that. But when I can't pop round for an afternoon without everyone and their kids playing pass the parcel it's a bit off putting

OP posts:

frikadela01 · 09/10/2016 21:02

If they dont see the baby very often then of course they're going to want a hold. You either need to put your foot down and say something or suck it up. Although given you say it's dps family it may look a bit like it's them out have a problem with.

I rarely get a look in with my 15 week old when we visit family, I'm fine with this though, I'm very close to my family and am determined to be the same way with dp family. Plus Ds loves all the attention.

Rainbowdrops90 · 09/10/2016 21:04

This makes me a little bit sad. I would love a child but due to circumstances I just can't at the moment. My partners brother has had 2 children in the last 4 years, a boy and a girl. Each time we visit them i never get offered to hold the baby - I always have to ask yet he/she will happily be handed to my partner. It really irks me - Let everyone have a cuddle - it's not doing any harm, unless the baby is crying in which case we always hand them back for mummy to sooth.

DeadGood · 09/10/2016 21:04

"t's not a control thing it's just polite to say "is it okay?" I'm not expecting "please can I.." "

What on earth is the difference?

myownprivateidaho · 09/10/2016 21:04

I had a friend offended because I didn't ask to hold her baby. You can't win.

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