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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at everyone wanting to hold DD

65 replies

Christinedonna · 09/10/2016 20:36

Just that basically. DD is 7 weeks old and everyone wants to hold her all the time. Extended family I mean, aunts, uncles..and once they have her they let their kids (5 or 6 year old) hold her without running it past me.. They ensure their kids are sat down and help them hold her nicely but still, she's not a doll

OP posts:
RepentAtLeisure · 09/10/2016 21:04

I only feign enthusiasm for holding someone else's baby because it's expected. I'd rather avoid it tbh, but then you just look odd!

Pineapplemilkshake · 09/10/2016 21:05

Cathf it wasn't my baby, it was my nephew. It just annoyed me that he ended up being ill after being handed around and kissed etc like a toy by some family members who were clearly suffering from colds.

dailymaillazyjournos · 09/10/2016 21:06

As PPs have said, the novelty will soon wear off. I still adore holding DGD despite her being over a year, usually sporting green snot candles out of each nostril and is teething and dribbly. One of her cuddles sets me up for the day :) Not sure other than GPs and close aunts and uncles, people are quite as desperate to squish her as they used to be.

DeadGood · 09/10/2016 21:07

I do remember being very unhappy when we had a similar thing though OP, I felt exactly the same, "DC is not a doll". When they are unhappy all you want is to take them back, it feels like your baby will lose trust in you somehow if you are not there to help them.

MaudlinNamechange · 09/10/2016 21:11

"without running it past me."

  • this is the thing!

I remember fuming when my pfb was newborn and my (dominating older) sister offered her to one of her children in front of me without even looking at me like I might have a point of view.

I think you need to say something about this, even if jokily (but obviously really meaning it )

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2016 21:14

This comes up often on MN and I have come to the conclusion it is a control thing.

I agree 100%, or it at least makes me automatically wonder if it's the first time the parent has ever felt in a position of 'power/control' over something that other people want.

It can be mildly annoying of course when visitors want to keep holding the baby, but I don't get the fuss and angst from some people.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 21:14

YANBU little babies find it overwhelming when lots of people try to hold them. better to take things slowly

DeadDuckFace · 09/10/2016 21:16

YABU - when ds was newborn he was passed around friends, neighbours and family. I think it was good for him, I mean, they do say it takes a village don't they? And if someone wasn't holding him correctly (only ever happened once or twice with younger children) either myself or another adult would correct them immediately. And honestly if dd is crying then you really should just say can you pass her back so I can settle her, can't see why that's so difficult.

SaucyJack · 09/10/2016 21:20

Try to relax, and enjoy the moment. Let people make a fuss over her while she's still cute.

In a few years time she'll just be yet another screechy kid and no one will give a toss.

dreamingoftomorrow · 09/10/2016 21:21

Ynbur
I feel the same, I hate my daughter being out of my arms now and she's 13 weeks.
I avoid social situations if I can, she is my little blessing and I adore every second.
That being said il let family members help, but only really my dm, sil and mil. Anyone else, bar my oh, holding her petrifies me!!

youarenotkiddingme · 09/10/2016 21:22

Yanbu if you don't want it to happen.

IMO though it doesn't matter. I travelled 2000miles with DS when he was 6 weeks to surprise my mum for a big family party.
The boy was cuddled constantly - everyone made bottles, dressed him, got up in night, basically took over! (We had a caravan stay during this time with extended family too)

I enjoys time walking and swimming with my cousins and resting and sleeping.

IT was bliss!

EweAreHere · 09/10/2016 21:23

If people are unwell, they shouldn't be holding her.

But other than that, be happy and grateful that other people CAN hold her. Imagine having a baby that would cry if anyone other than you were holding her ... that can become tedious and nightmarish.

VilootShesCute · 09/10/2016 21:23

Yadbu. Babies are made for cuddling and squishing. I loved people loving my babies, especially family. Wait til yours is 4 and wants to cuddle a baby it's adorable to see. Aw babies. I want one now. So much nicer and easier than pre teen stroppy boys Grin

VinoTime · 09/10/2016 21:25

Most people want to squish the tiny new addition, OP. Newborns are a novelty and everyone wants their turn. I've personally never felt like I didn't want anyone to hold my DD. From day one they could help themselves if it meant I could sit on my rubber ring (no fucker ever mentioned the post birth ouchies!) and drink a cuppa in peace! GrinWink And as long as children are monitored, it's lovely for them to have a shot too.

Do you feel quite anxious about them holding her, or just annoyed? Is she your first?

midlifehope · 09/10/2016 21:27

YANBU - it's your baby not a toy. It's a very primal thing not to want her to be passed around. Best advice - wear her close to you in a sling. No one would be rude enough to tell you to take her out of the sling xx

milkshakeandmonstermunch · 09/10/2016 21:29

No, YANBU. They're babies, not spliffs and it can be very overwhelming for the baby to be passed around like that.

buttercup54321 · 09/10/2016 21:33

She isn't a toy. Tell the kids one cuddle each then put her down to sleep/sit in her bouncy chair. But remember she is part of your parters family too so people will want to get to know her and make a fuss of her xxx

FabFiveFreddie · 09/10/2016 21:33

YABU

It's your hormonal, tiger mum thing, even though you feel all rational and reasoned about it. She's not in danger or being harmed, you just need to be her guardian and defender at all times. It's normal and natural.

You'll think yourself batshit in a few years time 😀

MyWineTime · 09/10/2016 21:33

I don't get it! I don't understand what the problem is. You must have more than enough time to hold your baby.
If she is crying when someone is holding her, then just walk over and say "oh dear, I'll take her"
People will get bored soon enough.

PeppasNanna · 09/10/2016 21:34

YABVU!

You'd soon be moaning if no one wanted to hold your baby.
You know what in another few months, no one will.

Its not every day of the week, is it?

Honestly!!

londonrach · 09/10/2016 21:38

Yabu. My pfb dd not much older and im happy to pass her on to be hold so i can actually use both hands at same time. Use these people to relax and regroup.

pictish · 09/10/2016 21:41

Must agree with everyone else. This is a short lived thing so try to relax about it. It really won't do your baby any harm. If she is unsettled just good naturedly take her back.

dailymaillazyjournos · 09/10/2016 21:41

I mean, they do say it takes a village don't they?

This reminded me of a few weeks ago when DD and I went to Ikea with one year old DGD.

DGD was throwing her lunch on the floor, having a paddy because she wanted to be able to touch the lampshades in the restaurant and then wouldn't go back in her pushchair and just wanted to be carried. DD said "You know that it takes a village to raise a child?" I said, "Yes." And DD replies " I think we need more villagers."

ollieplimsoles · 09/10/2016 21:47

Yanbu op I didn't like this either, one visit from dh's grabby gma who wouldn't give dd back when she was hungry and kept saying 'she must be starving have you made a bottle' (dd is breastfed)

I snatched her back and took her upstairs.

Pfb and proud

DrWhy · 09/10/2016 22:00

I was coming to say YABU in not wanting others to hold your baby but YANBU at all to want her back if she is unsettled! I took DS to church for the first time last week at 2.5 weeks old. I ended up holding him through most of the service so by tea and cake afterwards everyone who came to welcome him was offered a hold! I got a hot cup of tea and a whole slice of cake and the feeling back in my arms!! He must have had cuddles from over a dozen people in an hour but the difference is that no-one demanded him and in fact only one or two people asked rather than me offering and as soon as he started to look a bit fretful I requested him back and whisked him off for a feed.