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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A minor celeb came on to me inappropriately should I report?

382 replies

Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:40

Got a bit of a dilemma.

After watching the jammy Saville doc last week I remembered that earlier this year a current v minor TV presenter several times touched my leg at a charity dinner. It was in a busy room and I was too shocked/confused to ask him to stop! I had only just met him and was three months pregnant so wasn't flirting and I believe his behaviour was sleazy if not predatory.

This person has already been reprimanded for inappropriate behaviour at work in the past so I believe he has form.

My question is, should I tell his employer even though he wasn't attending in a work capacity? Or should I just email him and say that I am on to him?

I don't want a fuss by the way and it was possible that he was just being "friendly" but it occurred to me that Saville got away so long because of women minimising incidents like this one.

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 09/10/2016 18:34

Groping kids and groping adults is massively different.

Branleuse · 09/10/2016 18:34

Saville was a monster who raped and abused children, adolescents, dead people, disabled people in hospitals. Its a bit weird to liken that to a minor celebrity touching your leg

instantly · 09/10/2016 18:34

groping kids and groping adults is no different.

I think you need to have a serious word with yourself

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 18:34

the way some people are talking an 8 year old having their vagina fondled is in the same league as an 18 year old getting rape. the rape victim needs help for PSTD. the kid just needs a hug from their mum

wombattoo · 09/10/2016 18:35

justagirl Nobody should have to put up with being groped, but there is BIG difference in "groping kids and groping adults" imo

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 18:36

Instantly i was groped as a 14 year old. the same as what happened with Savile. i was ok. so are thos girls he groped. my concern is with the OP

instantly · 09/10/2016 18:36

What the fuck are you talking about justagirl?

wombattoo · 09/10/2016 18:36

just It is seriously time for you to stop spouting such shit

instantly · 09/10/2016 18:37

Cross post.

14 is a kid. So I'm not really sure what you are getting at.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 18:37

womabattoo. i was 14. a young kid. how was what happened to me worse than what happened to OP?????

ViolettaValery · 09/10/2016 18:37

Wombattoo The "may" element was why I said it was "potentially" a crime under s 3 of the Act. If OP reported it, I think the police would consider it in that light - even if they subsequently decided not enough evidence that a crime was committed, or whatever.

And I don't think that many men touch the thighs of women they hardly know in a 'friendly' way tbh.

Madhatterexpat · 09/10/2016 18:38

Op, how on earth did it take you all this time to realise it was wrong? I'm sorry, but you should have acted within days of this happening and not wait to watch a TV show to think that reporting him is a good idea.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 18:38

i said it in an earlier post. i was sexually abused in the same way savile's victims were as a little girl of 14. i went through same as Karin Ward and Bebe Roberts...

instantly · 09/10/2016 18:39

I have no idea what you think the relevance of that is as far as this conversation goes, is my point.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 18:41

anyway the fact is, if OP thinks it is a big deal she is allowed to call it that. i call myself an abuse survivor. through doing that i have accesses support from NAPAC etc . i have gained a lot from describing my experiences as abuse. it has help;ed me understand what incest and rape survivors go through and i am now helping others in a small way with saying "i know how you feel. we can get through this together."

wombattoo · 09/10/2016 18:41

Justagirl - It is great that you have survived what you went through. I am sure there are many people who have not. And I make no apology for saying that any person who has suffered having their genitals 'groped' may feel more traumatised that someone who had their leg touched several times, especially when said person believes it may have just been in a friendly way. I have not seen anywhere where the OP mentions which part of her leg - apologies if I've missed it

HexBramble · 09/10/2016 18:42

I'm a bit stunned by many posters' response to OP. Victim blaming is fucking shameful and too many of you are at it here.

Yes, don't compare what happened to JS but you can understand the angle she's coming at - celebrityhood and someone being a little bit overawed and intimidated into saying nothing. This is exactly how these sleazy bastards get away with it - a real conspiracy of silence.

Emailing isn't a good idea but fucking hell, by all means stick the boot into OP when she could do with a bit of friendly guidance.

OP, I haven't any pearls of wisdom for you apart from a sympathetic shoulder. If you're ever put in that same position then fire some double guns at the sleazebag- really snarl at him to keep his hands to himself. But I think that's the best you can do.

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 18:44

i just think the OP could access all kinds of help to deal with her issue if she calls it abuse rather than just inappropriate behaviour. as soon as i stopped calling it a minor thing and accepting it was framing it as abuse i was suddenly not alone any more. i had people spend hours with me as i talked it through etc....which i felt i needed at the time. OP has same rights to support and validation

ViolettaValery · 09/10/2016 18:44

It's true I was inferring "thigh" because OP said he touched her leg several times at a charity dinner and that to me would imply hand on thigh while sitting down. Would be more effort, and even weirder, to touch her ankles!

justagirl844 · 09/10/2016 18:45

HexBramble i couldn't have said it better..

shaming an OP who is a sex abuse survivor. a new low for mumsnet. i'm saddened.

Pisssssedofff · 09/10/2016 18:46

I got felt up by a fairly major celebrity at when I was 17 tbh, I've often thought would I have decked him had he not been a celebrity and I was fearful as to how is be ridiculed and portrayed if I'd made a fuss. I don't think the op ought to do anything now but I personally am very mindful with my teenage daughters they no a loud fuck off under those circumstances is fine even if it's prince William himself copping a feel

instantly · 09/10/2016 18:46

The OP fucking well forgot all about it until last week?!?

Jesus im in a parallel universe.

Victim?? I don't think so.

Pisssssedofff · 09/10/2016 18:46

Know not no arghhhhhh

wombattoo · 09/10/2016 18:47

Violetta I completely agree with you. I'm just repeating what the OP has said.

OP do you feel as though you need to talk to someone about what happened? I'm sure you could be signposted to appropriate help if so.

instantly · 09/10/2016 18:48

Yes that's right justagirl..... with the pressure on funding let's call it abuse and the OP a survivor.

So she can get help.

To get over the fact that some unspecified time ago a minor celeb touched her leg. Which she was so traumatised by she'd actually forgotten all about it....

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