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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my mother can park in a disabled space?

153 replies

LobsterQuadrille · 09/10/2016 09:13

Background: my father is 92 and (thankfully) no longer drives but has a disabled parking ticket from the last couple of years of driving. He is up and down with physical health and finds walking difficult. My DM is 86 but pretty fit and active and does everything, going into town every day etc. If he is OK to walk a short distance, he will go with her but otherwise, he stays at home.

My DM is very reluctant to leave him, partly because the last time I took her for a day out to London, he had a terrible accident which could have been much worse. If he's not feeling too good, she will make a mad dash around the shops and get back to him - on these occasions she will not use a disabled space. Yesterday she and I went into town (she drove) for specific things for him, which she ended up not getting because it was a Saturday and there were no spaces other than disabled ones. She would not park in these because the disabled ticket has his name on it, so he ended up doing without as she was too concerned to leave him for too long.

I know that parking spaces are often discussed on here and I am prepared to be told that IABU for telling her that on this occasion it was OK (she didn't anyway, but this will happen again) - and I genuinely don't know the protocol.

OP posts:
Myredrose · 09/10/2016 09:26

Pharmacies deliver now if that helps?

Toffeelatteplease · 09/10/2016 09:26

I was going to come back and point out what Fayrazzled said. Before DS was entitled to a blue badge (still had the wheelchair etc just wasn't yet entitled to the blue badge) We were aware there were some disabled bays you could still park (supermarkets theme parks private car parks) though you ran the risk of clamping still.

However I'd look at it this way. If I can't park where we need to park with DS or somewhere in can get the wheelchair in and out of, we aren't going there even if that's the doctors etc. Somewhat harder than missing a few items of shopping.

As I said I don't think you being unreasonable but I'm not sure you've thought it through from the other perspective either

Original poster
LobsterQuadrille · 09/10/2016 09:29

Toffeelatte - no, I probably hadn't thought it through, you're right. I knew that MN would give me an honest view, accept that my DM is right and I won't be suggesting it again.

OP posts:
DoinItFine · 09/10/2016 09:29

The central problem here is that you have an elderly woman as the main carer for a very elderly disabled man.

This is a very tricky situation to deal with.

Do you spend any time on the elder care boards on here?

They are super and you will get some useful advice from people who have been there.

I wish you all the best. Flowers

When these types of issues start to come up, it's a sign that the care you have in place is no longer working.

There are loads of us who have been there.

Toffeelatteplease · 09/10/2016 09:29

It is worth looking into Amazon Prime and a delivery saver for tescos in the circumstances you describe. Most things can be got this way and one of the reasons we have both for the times we actually can't get out

Autumnandlovingit · 09/10/2016 09:29

As per PP it's breaking the law but who would question a little old lady? I wouldn't even look twice and these spaces are almost always half empty - except at Christmas.

Starryeyed16 · 09/10/2016 09:30

She would need her own disabled badge my DM has one for herself and one for DF

Enidblyton1 · 09/10/2016 09:31

I would definitely check to see if your Mum can qualify for a badge herself.

MrsJayy · 09/10/2016 09:32

Its not the point if the space is empty or if little old ladies use them.

Original poster
LobsterQuadrille · 09/10/2016 09:32

No, it's fine - IWBU and to all those suggesting that my DM is a little old lady who needs on-line deliveries - she actually needs to get out but can't leave him for too long. They would definitely die (literally) before considering care options of any sort. In fact they thought that he was dying a couple of weeks ago, which is why she's being more careful than usual.

As always, all comments appreciated - thank you.

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 09/10/2016 09:33

No they aren't have empty Autumn.
I have in the past been yelled at by elderly people for using "their disabled space".

Porpoises · 09/10/2016 09:33

I can see why you want to but the rules strike the best balance, your mum's situation sounds hard but there are many valid reasons someone would want to shop quickly, and the line has to be drawn somewhere.

Are his bad days quite frequent? Could you look into getting a carer to watch him for a few hours a week so your mum can go out with peace of mind?

ninjapants · 09/10/2016 09:35

She's right, you're not. Un the example you gave, could you not have been dropped of to collect the prescription while she drove around then returned to collect you? Not ideal but better than your father going without or your mum parking illegally.

Fairenuff · 09/10/2016 09:41

Could you stay home with your dad OP so that your mum can take all the time she needs over her shopping?

DoinItFine · 09/10/2016 09:43

Your mum is 86.

She is a "little old lady".

"They would definitely die (literally) before considering care options of any sort."

They would rather die than use online shopping?

DarklyDreamingDexter · 09/10/2016 09:44

My 85 year old mother recently discovered her local chemist does free home deliveries. Could you check if hers does too? Might solve the prescription problem if nothing else.

Bluetrews25 · 09/10/2016 09:45

As PP stated, many pharmacies deliver.
Most GP surgeries have a facility where you can get the pharmacy to pick up the prescription, dispense, and deliver to you. Might make life a bit easier. Perhaps this is time for a pendant alarm system? Maybe GP could signpost to some day centres for DF so DM can have a bit of a break, if they will not contemplate carers coming in?

Original poster
LobsterQuadrille · 09/10/2016 09:47

Fairenuff I certainly could, but my DM wants to see me at weekends as I work full time during the week, and yesterday wanted to talk at length about my father - and I (obviously) have all my own household stuff at weekends. I thought that we were multi-tasking and no, to a PP, she wouldn't have dropped me off and picked me up as she knows her set routes and, although a safe driver, wouldn't be happy deviating from them. As before, I do understand the rules better and accept that my DM was correct.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 09/10/2016 09:47

Why couldn't you as the passenger get out and get the prescription whilst your dm drove round the block a few times.

Ginmakesitallok I am sure the ops dm would have parked elsewhere if there had been spaces available. Spent 45 minutes looking for a parking space yesterday adding to Londons pollution levels whilst driving past street after empty street of resident parking spaces and making a note that they have double yellow lined bits that were single yellows for years before.

Sugarlightly · 09/10/2016 09:47

If she couldn't leave him for too long, why didn't you stay with him instead of going with her yesterday, or offer to pick the things for your dad up so she could stay with him? That way she doesn't have to worry about a a parking space.

Your mums not disabled, she can't use a disabled parking space. It's that simple.

diddl · 09/10/2016 09:48

Surely the problem is that your father can't be left for long enough for your mum to actually get out & do what she needs to?

Perhaps some forward planning so that she doesn't have to go out on busy days?

Original poster
LobsterQuadrille · 09/10/2016 09:49

The prescription delivery is an excellent idea and I will suggest it to her.

OP posts:
ScaryMonstersandSuperCreeps · 09/10/2016 09:49

I saw a programme recently where a man used his wife's disabled badge when she wasn't with him. He was caught and the badge was taken from him. He had to do a parking awareness course instead instead of being fined.

Squeegle · 09/10/2016 09:52

Yeah, the issue is not about shopping quickly, it is about having been assessed as needing to park at the closest point to the shops. And traffic wardens are delighted if they can catch someone out, I don't think they'd go for the little old lady argument

KathArtic · 09/10/2016 09:52

What if someone in a wheelchair needed a prescription on Saturday and there were no empty disabled spaces?