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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to park in a parent and child space?

271 replies

x1982x · 08/10/2016 22:57

I have just read a story that tesco is going to start charging people who use parent and child/disabled spaces when they shouldn't.

I agree that these spaces should be kept for those who need them but once a week I am guilty of parking in a parent and child space (there are always a lot of them free) with my 82 year old relative.

The two reasons I do this are - Once when in a normal space due to there not being enough room my relative suffered a bad cut on her shin from banging it whilst trying to close the door.

The second being these spaces are always near to the door and less walking distance in an area that is dangerous for people with poor sight/hearing.

AIBU to do this?

OP posts:
Duck90 · 09/10/2016 00:07

The op also said the relative needed extra space to get out of the car. She said the person cut her shin trying to shut the door.

Linpinfinwin · 09/10/2016 00:08

How does your relative feel about being your "child"? My Nan would be mortified and would much rather be dropped off and wait, but I appreciate not everyone has the luxury of that independence.

EchoesOfLeon · 09/10/2016 00:10

I've parked in P&C spaces a couple of times recently without DC but been very nervous about doing so because of threads on here previously.

I'm over 8 months pregnant with PGP and have been unable to get back into my car on a few occasions because other drivers have parked too close to my door (when I am correctly in the middle of a space). The issues with my pelvis mean that I can't climb over the centre console from passenger side. If I can't get an end of row space then I've either had to use a P&C or like one day last week, just drive 20 minutes back home again Sad

I'll just have to avoid Tesco for the next few weeks until I have DC and can use the spaces!

Duck90 · 09/10/2016 00:11

linpin valuing people's opinion is really important, but from the op i read the elderly relative would like consideration for their circumstances.

Itsallgoodimtold · 09/10/2016 00:18

In response to post above, I think the parent/child spaces are legitimate to park in once 8pm has passed. Very few parents will be bringing their children shopping after this time and if they are, then they really shouldn't expect dedicated spaces.

GreatFuckability · 09/10/2016 04:11

tesco can SAY they will fine people for parking in p&c all they like, but whether its legally enforcable is a different thing altogether. I'm not so sure it is.
Worra- if parents need more room they can always park further away where no one parks and then have room to get out. people with mobility issues would find that a lot harder.
so, OP, imo you would not be unreasonable to park there.

mintyneb · 09/10/2016 04:52

Can you not open the car door for her so she doesn't have to struggle in and out?

Selfimproved · 09/10/2016 05:19

x1982 I would not object to you parking there and I have 3 kids in car seats. I don't object because I remember taking my gran shopping.
For a long time she would have objected to parking in parent and child like a previous poster said. I could have reversed back, helped her out and re parked.
Eventually this wasn't an option. She was frail, and she knew it.
Eventually she stopped going out. She would come up with any excuse to stay at home. Once she stopped going out, she deteriorated quickly.

OP YANBU!

Lunar1 · 09/10/2016 05:26

I do this at our local supermarket when MIL is here, she uses a wheelchair but is from abroad so obviously no badge. I've spoken to the supermarket manager and she completely understands the situation.if a normal space was wide enough to fully open the door then I wouldn't need to.

atomicpanda · 09/10/2016 05:40

Worraliberty- poor sight is relevant because an elderly person is far more likely to trip and fall than a person who isn't elderly.

MoreCoffeeNow · 09/10/2016 05:44

Speak to the manager. When my mobility was restricted for months following an operation he gave me a letter and told us to use a blue badge or P&C space for as long as I was using a wheelchair.

Pythonesque · 09/10/2016 06:44

When my children were small - youngest now 11 - Tesco said under 5 (or 5 and under, I forget which) for P&C parking; the "permit" came with joining their baby club; and it definitely included parking in late pregnancy - so EchoesofLeon do look into it as you should use them now no problems.

If shopping at a time that there are usually plenty of P&C spaces free I think the OP is very reasonable - but agree, talk to a manager if it is regular and see what they suggest, and investigate the blue badge option for greater flexibility when helping your relative.

PlumsGalore · 09/10/2016 06:53

YANBU, I parked in one inadvertently with a disabled badge when taking dad shopping, no one turned a hair, I thought it wa a disabled place.

At our Tesco though, the children's parking is a lot closer to the door than the disabled, when I think to my baby years, it was far easier for me to manage a toddler and baby at 30 than it is now at 50 to manoeuvre an 85 year old with mobility issues and dementia. I wonder why Tesco do this? I also wonder why the ATMs are next to the children's spacew so every idle tom, dick and Harry parks in them to get a tenner out. 2 paces in particular appear to be used permanently by ATM users.

Blueberry234 · 09/10/2016 06:56

YANBU in the slightest. Although in my local supermarket the spaces are full with 4x4 and sports type cars with no children who park there so to minimise the risk of car being knocked by car door opening next to them. They ABU

MrsTired · 09/10/2016 07:03

YANBU - I would give up a P&C space for someone in your situations. My mum has mobility issues and I would hope others would be as considerate. DD is 2 and I can get her out of a normal space in a supermarket. A bit tight and awkward but doable.

daisiesinherfootsteps · 09/10/2016 07:03

The supermarket near me has a mad free for all for the parent and child spaces. I don't even try, despite having young DC as I have realised that if I park in the end space at the top of any row there is a gridded lines section before the road. I just park car to make sure youngest DC is on that side and get plenty space for door and buggy transfer. Could you have a look around local supermarkets and choose a suitable one like that?

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 09/10/2016 07:06

I know I'm flying in the face of popular opinion but I think YABU.

Your relative can get out just before you park in a normal space and wait near the space or at the store entrance, for you to park in the way that a small child couldn't be expected to.

People abuse these spaces anyway and I welcome their use being regulated. My youngest is 8 and so I don't need the spaces at all, but I think if a mum arrives with, say a toddler and a baby to juggle safely and the space had been taken by you, who had an adult perfectly capable of getting out elsewhere, I think that would be really unfair. I'm assuming that your mum can walk around the shop by herself and not be pushed? But even then I suppose your relative could still get out safely elsewhere and wait for you. Most stores have drop off/pick up spaces just outside where this could be safely achieved.

I do think though, if there always are plenty of spaces and you're never taking a space from a parent with little ones, that it's not as bad - but I rarely see a supermarket in daytime hours without the p&c being packed.

Having an elderly nan I do sympathise but I do think the fact that as an adult your nan can be asked to wait for you while you park and this makes a huge difference.

MrEBear · 09/10/2016 07:10

I might be harsh but if elderly people need extra room, they should get a blue badge and take a disabled space. If shops weren't bothered by who uses which spaces they would do the same as Ikea and make the spaces dual purpose.

I'm glad Tesco are actually going to monitor who uses these spaces. I wouldn't dream of parking in a disabled space and it totally winds me up to that abuse of child spaces is socially acceptable where abuse of disabled isn't acceptable. Two of my favourite supermarkets have the child spaces quite far away from the door which discourages people who don't need them for kids from using them although they do have a path beside them avoiding walking between cars in a the main part of the car park.
To the pregnant lady not at all being unreasonable to taking a child space. Technically you are with child. At least one supermarket does state P&C includes pregnant ladies.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 09/10/2016 07:17

I think p&c spaces are a bit ridiculous in how they are enforced. DS is 1 and I use them with him and his car seat as I can't open the door wide enough to get him in and out in a normal space. I did also use them on two occasions when 9m pg as I couldn't get out of the car otherwise.

It does irritate me that people seem to have lost all common sense about then. Like the people with children who use them, then one adult gets out to go into the shop. So, technically correct, but missing the point. Ditto those with able bodied teenagers. IMO if you don't need the extra space then it's considerate not to park there.

I would have no issue with them being put further away from the store to deter some of the piss takers. I also think thethe needs to be some sort of temporary BB scheme for those who really do need to use a disabled space, they're always empty at our supermarket!

Bohemond · 09/10/2016 07:20

They should all be much further from the door. It wouldn't solve your problem but they would be less likely to be abused.

I always used one when pregnant (after 7 months). I'm not and wasn't huge but regularly found I couldn't get in and out of the car without banging my door in smaller spaces.

honkinghaddock · 09/10/2016 07:40

Businesses have a duty to provide reasonable adjustment to ALL disabled people not just those with a blue badge. A reasonable adjustment for some will be to use parent and child spaces.

Iwanttobemissmarple · 09/10/2016 07:41

I'm going to get flamed for this but I use p&c spaces when the BB spaces are all full. If I don't it means I have to go back home.

My local council has a brown badge scheme also which allows anyone over the age of (I think) 75 to apply for one.

Iwanttobemissmarple · 09/10/2016 07:41

Sorry I should have said I have a BB & yanbu.

coffeemachine · 09/10/2016 07:52

I know I'm flying in the face of popular opinion but I think YABU.

Your relative can get out just before you park in a normal space and wait near the space or at the store entrance, for you to park in the way that a small child couldn't be expected to.

^this.

I really don't unterstand why you would need the P&C place. You could easily drop her off near the entrance and park up. Not possible with small and/or disabled children who need supervision at all times .

I have a young child and an 8 year old with severe ASD and LD (not worthy of a BB though because of 2 perfectly working legs) and I really rely on the P&C places (mainly due to close proximity to the shop door). I often have to drive away from supermarkets because all the places are taken by cars without child seats.

exLtEveDallas · 09/10/2016 07:52

I used to hate taking my mum shopping until she got her blue badge. She isn't disabled, but she is 84 and in very poor health. Trying to get her in and out of the car and safely into the shop (trollies are fabulous walkers for a stubborn mare who won't use a 'proper' one) was a nightmare until I said 'fuck it' and used P&C spaces. I was challenged a number of times, often by very angry sweary people and thanked the Lord for making mum deaf too so she couldn't hear what they were saying about her.

Getting the blue badge was an absolute gift and I could kiss the feet of the Doctor that suggested it to her and finally got it. Now my lovely dad (88) can take her shopping as well, instead of being scared to.

OP YANBU