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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL drinking while babysitting

157 replies

PerditaNitt · 08/10/2016 01:11

I left my 3mo DS with my inlaws this evening; this is the first time that my husband and I have been away from him for the evening and my PIL offered to stay at our house to babysit. They have looked after DS before for 2 hour stretches during the day very occasionally. I have just found out that while babysitting FIL has two beers and MIL also had a drink. Appreciate the volumes aren't massive, but I feel that any alcohol would dull the senses and slow reflexes, so should be avoided when babysitting. The baby was awake and very active this evening and would have required a lot of attention.

AIBU to feel disappointed?

  • [Message from MNHQ - the OP's asked us to edit out a few details here so it's less identifying]
OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 08/10/2016 12:52

Interesting viewpoints here.
When my MIL got drunk (which I appreciate is different from the OP's experience) while babysitting our DSes for the first time, she got short shrift from my DH and was never invited to babysit again.
She died of cirrhosis a decade later.

Notso · 08/10/2016 13:21

Neither of them would be able to drive you child in an emergency to A&E
I can't drive, so should I not be alone with my DC just in case?
The only times my DC have needed emergency treatment an ambulance was sent by OOH Dr. There were two drivers here but it was an emergency so driving would have meant delaying life saving treatment.

QueenLizIII · 08/10/2016 13:21

I went to the Christening of a 5 month old recently and everyone in the sodding house was drinking. Parents, godparents, grand parents, friends.

No one died and no one was drunk . Difference between having a drink and being drunk.

QueenLizIII · 08/10/2016 13:22

Also I can drive but do not have a car. So I couldnt get anyone to A&E even stone cold sober.

Notso · 08/10/2016 13:44

If you are living by just in case then surely you need three driving adults around the children at all times. In case an emergency happens to one of the adults. Or maybe that should be four in case a different emergency happens to the other adult...

bigfriendlygiant · 08/10/2016 14:54

There's a massive difference between being drunk and having a drink.

There's a massive difference between not being able to go without a drink and having TWO beers over the course of an evening!

I love a glass of wine with dinner. I don't crave it or need it but it's part of my meal time. I'm not pissed afterwards!!

I had two glasses of champagne when we brought DS home from hospital Shock

UmbongoUnchainedInAPearTreeeee · 08/10/2016 15:03

I wouldn't be happy. But then I don't drink when my kids are at home, only if they are away at night. And definitely wouldn't while breastfeeding Hmm

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 08/10/2016 15:04

I'm with you OP, even if I am in a minority. It would never occur to me to drink while babysitting, and to be honest it would never occur to me to have to ask someone not to, I'd be disappointed too. Maybe it's just the way I've been brought up, my parents only drink occasionally and so do DHs so drinking at home of an evening just isn't a thing we really do.

AmeliaJack · 08/10/2016 15:07

Alcohol consumption and attitudes to it on MN are pretty divisive.

I would not expect anyone to drink while babysitting for my children. I've never had to say this because neither set of GPs would even consider it.

But then I think that there are a lot of posters on MN who drink entirely too much.

coconutpie · 08/10/2016 15:11

Notso
coconutpie there is a major difference between family providing free childcare and a paid babysitter or childminder. I sometimes have a few wines at lunch time then pick my kids up from school, I do not expect the teachers to drink wine with lunch.

So you drink and drive then? Hope the next time you do it, that a police officer pulls you over and does a breathalyser test on you and you get done for driving under the influence. Shame on you, there is no excuse for doing that. If you need to drive shortly after lunch, then don't bloody well drink!

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 08/10/2016 15:12

I never drink unless my husband abstains. There should always be a 100% sober adult when children are involved

Oh please...! Hmm

Well I hope no one ever has a drink until their children turn 18 and leave home if we go by some of the logic on this thread. Or have a drink at a wedding, christening or party, just incase there's an emergency. Or what about if you go out, do you then not drink because when you get home your children will be there? It just gets ridiculous.

My NCT teacher said we could have a drink whilst bf. Choosing not to is entirely different.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 08/10/2016 15:14

I assume Notso walks to school, she didn't say she drives. I walk the school run though and still wouldn't drink at lunchtime, partly in case I do need to drive later and partly because it makes me feel tired and I don't want to be tired in the after school period.

UmbongoUnchainedInAPearTreeeee · 08/10/2016 15:19

lets
No I don't drink if I go out and my kids are at home when I get back. What's your problem?

teatowel · 08/10/2016 15:21

I babysit a lot for an agency so obviously would never drink. Parents occasionally arrive home in a taxi very much the worse for drink. Sometimes it does concern me, but it's fine because they are the children's parents and in their own home. Apparently!

coffeetasteslikeshit · 08/10/2016 15:21

The level of reading comprehension seems to decline according to the number of posts in a thread, imo.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 08/10/2016 15:25

I wouldn't drink if i was babysitting someone elses child

I dont think i would mind too much if someone had one or two while sitting mine, having said that it probably wouldnt occur to me that anyone would

HavenforHaggis · 08/10/2016 15:54

I understand that some object to alcohol in general but some of these statements are ridiculous.

Should parents not relax with a wine or a beer in the afternoon? As surely that will result in a massive change in their normal behaviour and ultimately endanger their children. Should parents who cannot drive have their children removed since they clearly can't pick up the phone and call an ambulance drive and heavens knows we have no alternates to cars.

There is a massive difference between two drinks and being so smashed you can't move. That is the kind of state that 'dulls reflexes and alters judgment'. And on that note, no one is addicted or feels like they need alcohol. Some like it to relax, just like tea. If that argument is used them anyone who needs a cup of tea is certainly a caffeine addict. 😅

AmeliaJack · 08/10/2016 15:59

Haggis you are serious comparing tea and alcohol?

One drink does impact judgement and reflexes, hence the drink driving laws.

RortyCrankle · 08/10/2016 16:21

Aah PFB - so the intravenous gin drip hasn't been inserted yet then OP? Grin

HavenforHaggis · 08/10/2016 16:26

I'm not comparing tea and alcohol. I'm stating that some people take a glass of wine in the afternoon to relax like some would take tea to relax. Obviously tea and alchohol can't be compared. But the reason for taking them can. Hmm

Drink driving and two drinks while babysitting can't be put together. The judgment and skills required to drive and those required to look after a baby are a whole different all game. Unless PILs didn't know their limits and drink affects them badly then it won't do anything to their judgment of looking after their grandchild. I've had two glasses of wine in the afternoon and my parenting style hasn't been altered. If they drank knowing it would affect them negatively or OP asked them not to then yes whack away. If not the point is moot.

deadpool99 · 08/10/2016 16:50

YANBU. I personally would never drink whilst babysitting, and I wouldn't be happy if people had a couple of drinks whilst looking after my kids. Drinking to relax is not same as having a cup of tea to relax.

deadpool99 · 08/10/2016 16:55

I say this as someone who as a child was picked up by the neck by an adult who had had a 'couple of drinks'. He was just hugging me. He didn't realise that my feet were off the floor and I was in a lot of pain! Also thrown up to ceiling by different adult who thought it was a fun game, I was screaming to be put down, adult bashed my head on ceiling couple of times. Both of these adults failed to my requests to stop because they had a 'couple of drinks'. Bloody painful.

HarmlessChap · 08/10/2016 16:56

2 normal strength beers spread over a few hours would have very little effect on me and I would feel (have felt) entirely fine looking after our kids as little ones after having had a few units of alcohol. I would have been amazed if DW had been concerned when she came back in.

Personally I had to take prescription pain killers on a couple of occasions when the kids were small and felt far woozier than a couple of beers would make me feel but at no time were the kids at risk, albeit I wouldn't have wanted to be driving.

surreygoldfish · 08/10/2016 16:57

Some of the comments on this thread are hilarious. I like tea to relax, I also like a glass of wine or a nice G&T to relax! We are off to a quiz night at school this evening - I'm sure there will be alcohol drunk and shock horror we all have children who will still be under our care (although hopefully asleep) when we get home. For anyone wondering - we will be walking !!

Gottagetmoving · 08/10/2016 17:09

I don't think a couple of drinks would make your PILs incapable but if I was babysitting a 3 month old baby I think I would be sensitive to the fact this is someone's first baby and they may be nervous about leaving the baby to begin with so I wouldn't add to their worry by having a drink.

It's fine if nothing happens but I would want to be fully alert if something did happen and despite people scoffing at you, OP, the fact is even one or two drinks can slow your reactions or impair your judgement. I wouldn't want to have to wonder afterwards whether having a drink had contributed to something bad.
Having said that, odds are nothing would happen. It's whether you gamble with that small risk.
Most people on here feel that's fine. Each to their own.

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