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AIBU?

PIL drinking while babysitting

157 replies

PerditaNitt · 08/10/2016 01:11

I left my 3mo DS with my inlaws this evening; this is the first time that my husband and I have been away from him for the evening and my PIL offered to stay at our house to babysit. They have looked after DS before for 2 hour stretches during the day very occasionally. I have just found out that while babysitting FIL has two beers and MIL also had a drink. Appreciate the volumes aren't massive, but I feel that any alcohol would dull the senses and slow reflexes, so should be avoided when babysitting. The baby was awake and very active this evening and would have required a lot of attention.

AIBU to feel disappointed?

[Message from MNHQ - the OP's asked us to edit out a few details here so it's less identifying]*

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CaptainBrickbeard · 08/10/2016 09:32

I can't drive. Should I never have sole charge of my kids in case they need driving to the hospital? Or would I just get a taxi or ambulance depending on level of emergency? My sister and her husband don't own a car. Should they not have had kids? The maxim of not drinking because then you can't drive in an emergency is ridiculous.

In terms of childminders or nursery staff - it's not appropriate to drink at work, whatever the job. I don't crack open a bottle of beer at work so I don't expect my childminder or children's teachers to do so either. But I have a drink or two at home - whilst breastfeeding - not because I can't go a night without it but because it's nice and there is no need to abstain. I always leave a bottle of wine for babysitting family and I know they won't get drunk, but I'm happy for them to have a glass or two!

Farmmummy · 08/10/2016 09:40

I can see both sides of this tbf although they certainly didn't drink much I really don't see the need to have any. I don't drink much anyway can take it or leave it and have an 18 mths old. I only leave my dds with one person and I know she would never have a drink while they were there (also has 2 of her own so only occasionally has one drink unless I'm minding hers anyway). If I babysit her two (which I love to do) my DH will occasionally have a drink(again only 1) but I wouldn't dream of it and as I am the one in charge of the dcs it's never a problem.

dementedpixie · 08/10/2016 09:53

There should always be a 100% sober adult when children are involved

Bollocks to that. Dh and I have a couple of drinks on a Friday and Saturday night together. I wouldn't drink alone tbh.

NoahVale · 08/10/2016 09:56

There should always be a 100% sober adult when children are involved

Did someone actually say that really?, not again.
This is real life.

SheldonCRules · 08/10/2016 10:18

I'm in the minority too and they wouldn't be babysitting again.

It's a sad place the world has become when there is such a dependency on alcohol. It was one night and neither of them could do it without a drink.

Alcohol does affect responses hence the very low drink drive limits.

KayTee87 · 08/10/2016 10:23

We have a 3 beer limit (bottles) for whichever of us is in charge of our son. More often than not one of us (usually me) just has nothing. I find after 3 bottles of beer I feel the affects of the alcohol.

poppopp · 08/10/2016 10:23

It was one night and neither of them could do it without a drink.

For the love of god, if op had asked them not to drink then yes this statement might hold some truth, however they did not know they were expected not to drink.

Discobabe · 08/10/2016 10:23

I don't think yabu at all. I wouldn't dream of drinking whilst looking after someone elses baby and I don't see why being a family member/babysitting for free would make it ok for me to do so? If it's not ok for teachers or nursery workers etc to have a couple of beers at lunch why is it ok for a babysitter to effectively do the same?

If a parent chooses to drink at home it's their call, same as they choose how/what to feed their child and various other things. But likewise, others left to look after the child should follow the parents wishes. So if a parent chooses not to drink/one of them not to drink, it's definitely not unreasonable to expect the same from grandparents. You can ask them not to do it again.

LittleBearPad · 08/10/2016 10:28

.

See MN has departed from reality yet again.

Two beers looking after children is fine. Yes, you are being PFB.

And you can drink whilst bf.

supermoon100 · 08/10/2016 10:58

I leave a crack pipe out for my inlaws

AllotmentyPlenty · 08/10/2016 11:05

When I did a lot of babysitting, most parents offered me wine. I didn't take it as I was driving. But your expectations are not the norm for many. Your PILS probably had no idea you would be upset.

ollieplimsoles · 08/10/2016 11:21

Sorry but this:
I sometimes have a few wines at lunch time then pick my kids up from school
And this:
I had a lovely glass wine the first night I was home from the hospital with dd!

Makes me realise just how little I must think about alcohol, I wouldn't drink.in the day time and wine was the last thing on my mind after getting out of hospital with a newborn. I suppose each to their own.

But I still wouldn't drink if I was looking after someone else's child!

Runningupthathill82 · 08/10/2016 11:33

wine was the last thing on my mind after getting out of hospital with a newborn

I had a glass of champagne after getting home from hospital with newborn DD. It was delicious. And yes, I was breastfeeding.

But I can happily also go without booze and haven't had a drop since a wedding in mid August. Horses for courses eh.

chinlo · 08/10/2016 11:36

I have just found out that while babysitting FIL has two Mars bars and MIL had some Haribo Starmix. Appreciate the volumes aren't massive, but I feel that any sugar would raise the blood glucose levels and make them hyperactive, so should be avoided when babysitting. The baby was asleep and very calm this evening and would have required a lot of relaxation

YANBU - Why can't people go one night without sweets or chocolate??? These people must have a PROBLEM if they can't abstain from haribo for the one evening that they're looking after SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD! Imagine if you went to pick up your baby from nursery and the staff-member was munching from a packet of fruit pastilles??

Can't they go one night without????????

Notso · 08/10/2016 11:41

ollieplimsolesWine was the last thing on my mind after getting out of hospital with my newborns too. I go for months without drinking anything, I still enjoy a few wines with DH if he is off work and we go out for lunch.
I'm not talking about sitting in the park swigging special brew every lunchtime then rocking up hammered to pick the children up.

QueenLizIII · 08/10/2016 11:51

Makes me realise just how little I must think about alcohol, I wouldn't drink.in the day time and wine was the last thing on my mind after getting out of hospital with a newborn. I suppose each to their own.

I totally agree ollieplimsoles

I dont keep alcohol in the house. That's how little I think of it. if I go out I'll have a drink. But like you, I dont think about it and dont crave it and it is never in the house unless special occasions.

quasibex · 08/10/2016 12:02

noahvale and dementedpixie yes I did say that and I do live in the real world.

I'm disgusted that people thinks it's acceptable to drink and be in charge of a child.

Both my mother in law and own mother think the same despite 50 miles separating them.

We all live in the real world, our real world doesn't revolve around alcohol though. I actually pity those who can't cope with real life without the fuzzy filter of alcohol!

tofutti · 08/10/2016 12:03

People, OP has said she is BU.

LET HER BE NOW.

chinlo · 08/10/2016 12:09

I actually pity those who can't cope with real life without the fuzzy filter of alcohol

But this discussion has not been about people who can't cope without alcohol. Choosing to do something is not the same as being unable to cope without doing it. That's pretty basic comprehension.

NoahVale · 08/10/2016 12:10

as a teen baby sitter some parents would leave me shandy, some would leave me wine,

Notso · 08/10/2016 12:11

I'm disgusted that people think it's acceptable to drink and be in charge of a child.
Why? Genuine question. To me there's a huge difference between being drunk in charge of a child and having a drink while in charge of a child.

ssd · 08/10/2016 12:11

god theres some amount of sarky, hollier than thou bullshit talked on this thread, and I dont mean by the op.

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Daydream007 · 08/10/2016 12:41

Neither of them would be able to drive your child to A&E in an emergency. That would bother me.

HuskyLover1 · 08/10/2016 12:50

Neither of them would be able to drive your child to A&E in an emergency. That would bother me

True. But, with this train of thought, then no parents can EVER share a bottle of wine, ever again, right up until their children are adults? A 15 year old might need to go to A & E?

You can't live a normal life, with this fear.

And it was TWO beers. TWO!!

Oblomov16 · 08/10/2016 12:51

Can't people go one night without .... alcohol/Haribo/anything else?
Clearly not. Ha ha ha.
We are all addicts, lacking self control.
Clearly.

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